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ellemmell (previously effe

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  1. I’ve had it for 13 years and joined the forum 7 years ago. Signed in again out of desperation. Still causes suicidal thoughts. I was suicidal before the diagnosis. But now due to a current outbreak it’s coming up again. It’s 4:45am and I would rather die than have herpes. I regret telling a friend about it recently because she might tell someone else and ruin my reputation. I was trying to get over the stigma but it doesn’t work. I will get judged and shamed for it, increasing suicidal ideation. Apparently the diagnosis frequently causes depression and suicidal thoughts. I was already suicidal
  2. Hi KatieAnne, well it sounds like you are well on your way to accepting yourself. I hear you on the whole fact that society rejects people with herpes and it is making you lose confidence in the same way. But at the same time, society rejects almost anything, acne, non-whites, poor people, short people, non-educated people, disabled people, people with hepatitis and HIV, drug addicts, alcoholics, parents with too many children, eastern Europeans, people who wear burkas, etc etc etc. Not that your feelings are not valid of course, because I feel the same way and it really hurts. But what I mean
  3. Cool that's awesome, thanks for letting me know. Do you think I could get that on my iPod or something?
  4. Is your type one herpes oral or genital? Where/when the best to tell him is up to you. If he freaks out, keep your cool and provide him with the relevant information. Know that you cannot control his reaction. Tell him the truth, but also tell him there is no reason to freak out excessively and that everything will probably be fine if you both take the right precautions. If he still freaks out, see if he calms down later on. Let him know that you are here to support him and any concerns he may have.
  5. I want to cry too. I got HSV2 when I was 17, two years younger than you. I got it from a boyfriend. I've had it now for 6 years, and only came out of denial for a few months now. I feel like crying, my mom knows but she doesn't know how to help me. She just tells me "not to think about it". It's not that easy. I think about it all the time. I wanted to die even before this happened. I want to have sex and have a relationship with someone. But I also should remember that there are so many more important things in my life. Sex isn't all I'm worth, and what about the relationship with myself? Cle
  6. Yes, I understand. I think this way all the time. And then I realize that I can't really. Why me? So many things have happened to me in the past that weren't fair, because life isn't fair. I've been through a lot of unfortunate circumstances and this is another one. I need to believe that I can get through the heartache and emotional wounds this creates. Yes, I did contract this virus. But that also doesn't mean it's completely my "fault", and I should feel like a bad person for it. I try to go on every day, even when I don't want to. I tried to kill myself and it didn't work. I've been throug
  7. Hey guys, I'm making another post again just to note that I am totally up for Skyping! My name is E and I live in Toronto. I havn't really seen anyone on here that also lives there, so I'm thinking that Skype is the next option. Please let me know if anyone wants to talk, I firmly believe in group support! I send my love to all <3
  8. Oh god. Well, as I said in my post before, a girl I was going to date said similar things about someone she met disclosing to her. It tore me down. I'm not even over it, several weeks later. I was angry. I'm still friends with her now because I refuse to let her opinion tell me how much I'm worth. I feel like some people joke about herpes because it's the worst of the STDs since it lasts for life. People don't joke about HIV because it's too serious to be a joke. But herpes is fair game. I am friends with people who wouldn't judge someone like that, and am friends with people who would probabl
  9. Well, I go through phases where I think maybe I'm okay now. Maybe I can love myself despite having herpes. But time and time again, I end up at the beginning, hating myself and wanting validation from other people that I am still worthy of romantic love. My friend tells me that she still loves me anyway, but what about romantically? This is the area in which I struggle. After my last rejection, I was crushed. I've recently joined a dating site out of desperation to meet someone. Inside, I know I should be just concentrating on myself instead of trying to seek a relationship, but I don't seem t
  10. What are the chances of spreading HSV from female to female? It doesn't have that one in the chart. Thanks! Ellemmell
  11. Well, there was this girl. I was friends with her for a while, and then we decided to go on a date. We didn't go on our date yet, but I started hanging out with her. I went to her house because I left my toothbrush there. We were talking about girls. She told me that she met a girl online one time and went on a date. The girl told her that she really liked her, but that she had to tell her something, which was that she had herpes. She said "hell no" and that it wouldn't ever be worth it. She told me that she was glad she found out before she found out it was a "waste of time". She then asked m
  12. Yeah, but this doesn't work if you just contract AIDS. It needs to be a specially altered version that doesn't actually cause disease.
  13. Thanks guys! You guys are so awesome... I mean, it's actually amazing how supportive and great you all are. I know what you are all saying is true, I guess I'm just like a little kid who wants what I want when I want it. It's just like anything else -- drinking, drugging, but I can also compare it to eating 5 pieces of chocolate cake even though you know it's not good for you, or drinking too much coffee. The only problem is that this is the hardest thing I've ever been through, harder than quitting drinking, substances, etc. Because it changes my relationships with other people. I guess there
  14. Hello other H-ers. I took a little hiatus from the site because I thought I was okay with having the H. Well, clearly not, because the fact that I am still on here shows that I just can't cope without you guys. I waver in and out of positive feelings, or feeling like I can somehow get through this. Anyway, I'm longer into my sobriety now, which means honesty and open-ness. I've gone from not acknowledging I have herpes, to admitting it to a few people. I've considered myself to be bi my whole life, and was more into women, but wouldn't have the confidence to initiate anything. I've slept
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