Overthinker2

So I meant to post that last comment weeks ago but here's an update guys. I have disclosed to someone I was dating. At the moment he took it really well I almost felt like we bonded but since then he has been very distant. I feel like he's had time to process things and realizes he is not willing to take the risk. And u know what else I realize I'm not willing to risk giving this to anyone either. I feel like I would never forgive myself! I would never want to put anyone through what I've gone through. On top of everything else My giver is now completely denying he gave it to me or that he even has it but he will not show me his results! Is there anything I can do to make him show me his results I just want the peace of mind knowing that I got it from him and I want him to take responsibility so I can move on. Anyway for now I'm going to remain celibate (seems like sex is a trigger for me anyway) and I'm just going to stop dating untill i can feel confidate that someone will completely except me and won't be nervous about giving it to someone else .

Thanks stillstruggling! Nice to hear from a person of my demographic living with this. Since I last posted I have told one good friend. Honestly her reaction was not what I was expecting she was very angry that this guy gave this to me and is not trying to take responsibility. But she was supportive and hasn't treated me any different. So that's good she just wants to help me live a healtheir lifestyle. Which already started to do. I have completely cut out meat and just eating fish with a semi vegan diet. Hopefully one day I can become a full vegan. One thing about this virus it has made me want to be more healthy. I just want to be the very best me in every way. So this minor part of my life will be my only flaw. I have planned to stay celibate for a while. In order to do that I'm going to have to change my number to not feed into the temptation that I usually would feed into. I have a few guys that are seriously interested in me and constantly check on me because they can tell Ive been really down. I may tell one of them see what their reaction is,if he doesn't care great we can have sex if not I'll continue to be celibate. I know God works in misterious ways and I know he diagnosed me with this for a reason. Probably to slow me down I mean I got pretty out of control for some people's standard.

Wow reading your post made me feel so much better. We seem very similar I'm 26 educated,good job, family. But I wish I could be as positive as you sometimes I am and then other days jam in complete depression. I haven't told anyone but the giver not one friend nothing! I'm scared ppl will think I'm gross like not even want to use the same bathroom or silly shit like that. I just don't want to be stigmatized. I almost told one of my best friends because she said one day "everyone has herpes" so maybe she's open minded idk. But where I have really struggled is with not being able to have casual sex. Yes that's obviously a problem before,I literally felt like I had a sex addiction at some point. It's sad bc casual sex has not worked to my benefit haven't found love or a bf I desperately want but I just like and need sex often. I couldn't obstain for long so I had sex with a guy I've had multiple sexual encounters with (always protected). I did not disclose to him my recent status because I was scared he would think i gave him the virus even if i didn't ugh I know I have to tell Him soon but I just hope he takes it well. Anyway even tho I changed my diet and got vitamins after I had sex with him one night we. Sent a little crazy (rough sex and he is huge) I got my 2nd outbreak ! I feel so depressed now like how will I ever have a vibrant sex life even with a life long partner when we can only go so far ugh! I know your new with this Bro but I feel I could talk to you and maybe you could offer some advice ! Good lyck

Thanks guys for the response. But I have still decided to not disclose. I could not even imagine the words coming out of my mouth. I literally haven't told one person except the giver and he is such a horrible person he refuses to get tested and is completely denying it and not talking to me. Today was a bad day for me, I just thought about it all day and why I have to be the unfortunate person to actually have outbreaks. But you guys are speaking as if I am trying to expose my casual partners. If I am using condoms and taking daily meds. The chances of a man getting it from me is 1% . 1%!! Why would I disclose for a 1% risk when 60% of the black women they sleep with have it some having no clue and passing it on. Obviously ppl are not disclosing because I have never met anyone who has admitted to having it. Even celebs deny having it when they have been accused. I have never heard of one celeb admitting to it not even admitting to hsv1 Not one! Have u? Ugh I just wish everyone had to get tested mandatory so we could have actual numbers and people wouldn't judge. Also just a little about my diagnosis , I tested negdative for both hsv1 and hsv2 blood test. But my doctor swabbed a lesion said I'm positive for hsv2. I don't know my levels yet I will find out and continue to get tested. Bc honestly I have had multiple cold sores on my lips in past years but still test negative for hsv1. How is that freakin possible? Idk what if some how some freakin crazy way I don't ever test positive for having the antibodies for hsv2 !! This disease is so confusing and doctors have no answers and these sites make u feel like you are a walking herpes virus and I must shout it to the world to protect them

Oh God Adrial everyone doesn't have the same views on casual sex as you. I find it hilarious that once someone is contracted with herpes everyone feels they should be this moral person who doesn't have casual sex! F that! This community is all about tell tell tell!! Why so we can be stigmatized when the rest of the world has it anyway especially hsv1 if you are doing what you can to protect them that is more than half of this county is doing to protect ppl from hsv1

I have researched this topic for days now and I just can't come up with the best decision for me. I do not have a boyfriend and I haven't had one in 3 years. I have had multiple sex partners! Before I was diagnosed with hsv-2 about 3 weeks ago, I was already feeling like love was out of reach for me. Needless to say this diagnosis has made it worse! But my question is why do we have disclose to every freaking partner when your not even sure it will be a long lasting relationship! It may just be sex, I mean that's all it's been for me for 3 years. This is why I don't feel we need to disclose please comment if you feel otherwise 1) doctors do not test for herpes on routine drug screen so why should I disclose. If your doctor doesn't care if you have it or not why should I need to disclose my status! If doctors tested everyone I know for a fact there would be way more than 30% of the US population with HSV-2 2) I'm 26 and within the black community I fear if I I disclose it will get around to everyone ! And I will be known as the girl with the herpes (ending my love life and reputation) 3) also the CDC does not even require doctors to report on their number of patients with herpes but they have to for every other std! The only way we even have any numbers to go off of is thru surveys!!! That's obsurd! If the CDC doesn't care if I have it why should every freaking guy I have casual sex with care if I am doing everything I can to protect them!! The thing is we have no idea how many people have this virus! People are walking around here passing it to others with no systems (how I got it) ! If the person I got it from doctor checked them for everything like he thought he was being checked then I would not be in this predicament but she didn't and he still believes he doesn't have it smh! Why does the 10% who knows they have it because they were unfortunate enough to have an outbreak have to be the ones to tell the world!!! It should come from the CDC and your doctor not me!! Now before you guys judge me ! I am not saying I will go into a relationship without disclosing because I won't! I have to completely trust someone with this secret because I have literally told no one except the person who gave it to me and he is still in denial and won't get tested !! Smh