I am 33 years old and was diagnosed two months ago with gHSV 1, generously donated to me by my last partners mouth. He either did not know his status at the time or was withholding, hard to tell. Either way, the diagnosis was devastating and we are no longer seeing each other by mutual choice. So anyway, last night I went out with essentially my dream guy. Gorgeous, super smart (head research scientist for a very well known institute), hilarious. We hit it off and had a great time. He then told me he was only interested in casual dating, although monogamously, because of how demanding his work is. I told him that I understood and was totally on board with that and really excited about it, actually. We started making plans to hang out in a few days. THEN, he starts asking me the sex questions, including "do you have any STDs". Of note, he is currently working on an HIV vaccine so it was hard to tell how a virologist would take this news. So, I told him that I got HSV from oral sex from my most recent partner, have always been extremely safe and quite neurotic about testing, and am also on anti-virals to decrease risk. My first time ever disclosing. He simply said "I'm sorry, we can't date, I can't date you, I can't put myself at any risk". I tried to get him to hear me out, but he said "good luck with everything" and walked to the opposite side of the bar to sit down by himself. I checked my phone and he instantly deleted me from the app we connected on, so I can't even get ahold of him now. I cried my whole drive home. I played it back in my head that maybe I should have just said I had HSV 1 but wasn't sure where? All I know is that I never want to have to go through that again and it makes me not want to put myself out there at all.
Any advice on how to not feel like damaged goods and get out there again? Should I just count casual dating out altogether?
Thanks!
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