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HikingGirl last won the day on June 20 2019

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  1. Terri Warren cites the references in her book (I’ll PM you with the details).
  2. I get it, Sonny. I have HSV 1 and 2 and my ex-husband of 15 years never got it. I found out after the divorce and he tested negative, which meant I picked it up before we met and I was simply unaware of my status for all of those years. No one knows why transmission happens with some and not others, but our situation is far more common than you’d think!
  3. The IgG index values won’t tell you how long you’ve had the virus. For HSV1 I was at 49-something, and for HSV2 it was 3.27. Although I was diagnosed just two years ago, I know I acquired HSV at least 18-25 years earlier (because my ex-husband rested negative).
  4. No, I only use it when I have symptoms. I’ve only had to use it once or twice in the past year since starting acyclovir, as that has done wonders for the itching for me.
  5. I think tea tree oil is awesome for itching. You *must* dilute it though. Mix a drop or two with either some coconut oil or a wet cotton square.
  6. I’m just over a quarter of the way through it and have already decided it’s well worth the money (to me). It’s work.....so know that going in. This is not something you just read and feel better after. It requires a fair amount of thought and journaling. It has really helped me to change my perspective for the better. I’m in the middle of moving at the moment so I haven’t looked at it for some time, but really look forward to getting back to it when I’m settled since I’d like to try dating again this year.
  7. That makes a lot of sense, @Jack101. Any thoughts on why the prevalence of oral HSV1 among younger individuals is going down?
  8. You’re in good company. I live in a big city and the doctors here don’t seem to know much about HSV either! :)
  9. IMHO, I don’t consider your comment a trigger—just a compliment. For all we know, his distance is totally unrelated to the comment.
  10. You’re very welcome. This forum is such a wonderful community. And every time I post, I think it helps *me* just as much (if not more) than anyone reading it. :)
  11. @dumbdumb.... Your kids will not be labeled for life. Don’t kiss them if you have a cold sore, but otherwise, no additional precautions are needed. Chances are, they’ll get oral HSV1 from someone, someday (if they don’t already have it) and life will continue to be very normal for them. Do not assume you have genital HSV1. The symptoms you’re experiencing could be lots of different things. Unfortunately, we can’t make a diagnosis here on these forums. Go see a different doctor. If yours can’t figure out what is causing the discomfort, a different doctor will. The reason you don’t see cold sores very often is because most people with oral HSV1 don’t get cold sores or any other symptoms. The majority of adults already have oral HSV1, and only a third of them will ever have a cold sore. This means that it is extremely likely that even though your ex doesn’t get cold sores, he could still already have oral HSV1. For that matter, you don’t know that you got HSV from a previous partner. For all you know you could have gotten HSV from your ex-husband and you simply never got symptoms until now. It happens all the time. Or you may have picked it up as a kid. You said the impact of your diagnosis was primarily psychological. Getting educated on the facts about herpes (this link is a great start: https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/) really helps. The herpes virus does not care who you are, who you slept with, and what your marital status was when you slept with them. It’s a common virus which has been around for thousands of years and is simply looking for a place to live. Just like the common cold, the flu, or the chicken pox doesn’t make you dirty, neither does herpes. That’s the stigma talking—not the facts. All of us learned that stigma from friends, family, television, movies, religion, advertisements, and other influences when we were growing up. It’s hard work to un-learn it, but it is possible and I promise you it is worth the effort. Finally, as someone who is now three years divorced from a man who “has a temper,” please reconsider your plans to reconcile with your ex. Two years is just enough time to start forgetting why you split in the first place and how miserable it was to be together. You deserve better.
  12. Welcome, @daisy215. I’m about two years away from my own diagnosis, but I could really relate to what you wrote....it was like having flashbacks! Everything you’re feeling is very common, especially early on. What helped me most was learning about HSV—including reading these forums a lot—self care (exercise, eating well, doing activities I enjoy, journaling, a few sessions with my therapist, etc.), and time. I also had an opportunity to take a 10-week workshop last year about shame resilience which was a huge help. Aside from telling my therapist, my ex-husband, and the guy I was casually seeing at the time of my diagnosis, I only told one friend. She was nice about it, and didn’t make me feel worse, but I don’t think she really knew how to best be supportive or empathetic either. I’m still glad I told her, as it was a relief to tell someone I trust and have them still treat me exactly the same. There are plenty of people, including some very close friends and pretty much all of my family, who I would never tell in a million years. My symptoms were always very mild (I had no idea I had both strains for 20+ years before my diagnosis), but I started taking Valtrex right away because I was pretty freaked and felt I needed to DO something. Valtrex really didn’t do anything for me except give me frequent zingers (tingling prodrome symptoms). I stopped for six months, and then tried acyclovir. I wanted to see if I could find an antiviral I tolerated well in case I started a new relationship. About two months after starting acyclovir, I suddenly had none of the itching that I had always attributed to yeast infections (no zingers either). So even though I’m not dating (although I hope to once I get moved and sell my house this spring), I continue taking it because I love being itch free! I haven’t experienced any side effects and with insurance, pay $20 for a three-month supply of acyclovir. (It was $50 for Valtrex, but I think you’ll find prices really vary widely by insurance.) It’s really a personal decision. If you’re not having troublesome symptoms and you’re not concerned about transmission, there’s really no reason to take them.
  13. I feel like a complete animal. Who does this? I’m having flashbacks to the time I was trying to teach my dog the command to lay down. He caught giardia during puppy kindergarten and had to drop out, so I thought I’d teach him myself. I had read that if I taught him to sit first, then I should gently pull his front legs toward me to lower him to the ground. He didn’t like that so much, LOL, and snapped at me. He was afraid. You were afraid. And you are neither the first nor last person to tell a lie because you were afraid. When I wrote my Herpes Manifesto (you can find it by clicking on my username), I wrote this about being afraid: “Most of all, my diagnosis makes me feel afraid. I’m afraid if people knoew I had herpes, they would treat me like a leper—afraid to talk to me, afraid to be seen with me, or afraid just to know me. I’m afraid of being exposed and losing the respect of my peers or even my job. I’m afraid of being judged, labeled, rejected, and invisible. I’m afraid that no one will love me.” That was the lowest point of my life, and it took a lot of work to pull myself out of that hole. Given our dependence upon other people for survival, the fear of rejection can be a *big* deal. If our bodies sense a threat as a really, really big deal, then our amygdala takes over and we dive into a fight, flight or freeze response and we literally lose the ability to make an objective, rational decision. You don’t have to be facing a lion to experience this, and I’m not trying to excuse all bad behavior. I guess I’m just trying to help you have some compassion toward yourself. The pain will help you to not repeat this scenario in the future. A little self-compassion will help you move forward.
  14. That’s so awesome to hear! Thanks for sharing the good news with us! :)
  15. Congrats on the successful disclosure! Condoms and daily antivirals will reduce the chances of transmission (if you’re not taking antivirals, you need to be on them for about 5-7 days before having sex for them to be effective). Also, start paying really close attention to your body and abstain from intercourse if you feel any prodrome symptoms or think you may be developing an outbreak. This is especially important since outbreaks and asymptomatic shedding tends to happen more frequently when the virus is new and your body is still adjusting to it. There is no 100% foolproof way to prevent transmission. There will always be a risk, but that’s also true of practically any worthwhile activity. Have fun! ;-)
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