One thing I neglected to mention was that I also have depression. This diagnosis has unfortunately worsened that as I now feel all the negative perceptions from the stigma. I'm sure all of us know the feeling... the dirty, the blame, the guilt, etc. The worst part for me is that I just feel so dirty and damaged. My bf helps, but when an outbreak comes, it just acts as a reminder. I'm only two months in to my diagnosis so I'm still struggling a lot. I wanted to come here for support and understanding. I can't tell my family because they act as though I have brought home the plague when I have a simple cold. My friends, though this may sound hypocritical, are kind of judgemental and close-minded so I don't feel I can tell them. I'm still educating myself on this situation. I know eventually it won't effect my moods and that it's not the end of the world, but that is only now, after research. When I was on that table at the doctor's office, it seemed devastating because she was so cold and didn't really care to educate me. The stigma we grow up with is so consuming until you educate yourself. Yes, I am lucky I have someone who wants to stay. If I had found the diagnosis when we first started dating I doubt he would still be here. I appreciate him everyday for who he is and for his acceptance of me. I wish (h) didn't have the stigma is does because then we wouldn't feel so ashamed and go through such dark places that some never come out of. As I said, my main struggle is not letting outbreaks remind me of this stigma. Then when we hang out with friends at a special event, I seem to always be taking meds for the outbreak and can't drink. Its another reminder... and this wouldn't be such a big issue if I didn't have everyone constantly offering me drinks and not understanding when I tell them no. I can't tell them I'm on meducation because then they will want to know what for. I tend to have a beer or two with them because otherwise I am too wound up and can't have fun or relate to them. The depression makes that happen so I would have a beer to loosen up but lately I have not been able to do that since I keep having outbreaks and people keep asking my bf what's wrong with me. It doesn't sound like a big problem, but when you are trying to make and keep friends when you have depression it makes things more difficult. It's like a spiral. And all the reminders of things you can't do or have to do now make adjusting so hard. I'm sorry for the long reply. I'm sure someone is still going to point at this and say "get over yourself", but again, I'm two months in. This Rollercoaster is still very real and active for me. Thanks for listening.