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NeedHope_

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  1. Backstory: I had what I believed to be my first outbreak back in mid-December of 2016. Went to a free clinic and got a blood test (which I was told afterwards was only for type 2) and a culture swab. Blood test came back negative, however the culture test came back positive for GHSV-1. To be totally honest I'm still in a sort of denial. I have been planning on going to my actual doctor to get retested because I've read that it's best to get retested a few months after the initial outbreak. I think I'm too scared because then there will be no denying it. But I digress... So I started shaving again about a month/month and a half after my initial outbreak and have been habitually keeping it up. Also, about a week and a half ago I had really dry sex with a guy I've been seeing on and off (no condom). And my downstairs has been in distress since. I felt discomfort and some itching (which I associated with growing pubic hairs). I also had thick/chunky discharge that I found contributed to the itching. That's all cleared up now. What I did notice yesterday was that I had a few small cuts down at the bottom of my vaginal opening, going towards my anus. That sort of freaked me out. Today I decided to shave and found a bump high up on my outer labia near my pubic area. It's small a little red (most likely due to shaving) and it looks like it might have white in the center. But it looks exactly the same as one that I have above in my pubic area which I'm sure is an ingrown hair since my initial outbreak did not reach that area. Question: So finally, my question...due to all this recent craziness and the stress it's been causing me, could I be having an outbreak or could that possibly be an ingrown hair and should I not freak out about it? My initial outbreak was pretty gruesome so I'm not sure what a mild/regular outbreak is like.
  2. I'm posing this question for herpes veterans and newbies alike. I want to know your thoughts and experiences. It's been under a month since I had my first outbreak and only a week since my official diagnosis (GHSV 1). Yesterday I noticed a small bump on my outer labia which I'm assuming means I'm having my second outbreak. My period is also due soon and from what I've read that could be a reason for why I'm having another outbreak so soon. Sigh. I'm wonder what your thoughts are on using antivirals (I was given Acyclovir) full time for at least the first year. I know at this point my body still has to get use to everything that's going on. I just don't know if I can do this every month. Also, would my body get use to the antivirals if I did take them full time and consequently have to up my dosage eventually?
  3. Oh you've got oral? Tbh I'm still not completely sure how it all works...that's good though, that it was mild. Do those really help? I need to read up on it more! Unfortunately, it was pretty bad. Only because I wasn't fully aware that I was having an outbreak so I shaved and I'm sure that made it much worst than it would have been. As soon as I realized what it was I went to a local clinic and they gave me Acyclovir. It took about a week to clear up
  4. Hello! I'm new to H as well, had an outbreak mid-December and just got confirmation that I've got GHSV 1. What type do you have?
  5. Turns out the blood test came back negative because I was tested for type 2. By apparently I have type 1 in my genital area. @optimist @MMissouri what difference does this make? Is it just less severe than type 2?
  6. Hey guys! Not sure if anyone would know, but what is the possibility of getting a false negative? Even after being swabbed and having blood and urine tests done? Should a second test be taken just to be sure? Have you heard of any stories like this?
  7. @MMissouri Yes. She's had it for about 30 years give or take, but her life has been very different than mine. Her life was rough, mine has been a stroll in the park in comparison. I love my mother so incredibly much and have never looked at her any differently because of H. Just want to make it clear that I'm not placing any negative tags on people with H. I'm simply disappointed in myself for the choices I made that got me here. I could have easily prevented myself from getting it. Every time I look back I just wish I would have done things differently.
  8. @ihaveittoo thank you so much for reaching out and sending those links. I'll definitely be looking into them! @katidid wow! That gives me so much hope. How have you been able to live abnormal life (sex-wise) without putting your husband at risk?? It seems so far fetched to me now.
  9. Saturday, December 17th. My mom was having a pre-Christmas Christmas celebration, my room and bathroom were a total mess (as per usual), and unknowingly my period was about to drop. I took a break from running around and trying to clean up to hop in the shower. I decided it was time for a shave, that's when I felt (then saw) something I'd never seen on myself before. It was a small bump on my outer lip (vagina); I might have noticed another bump or two around my anal area but I can't recall. Anyways, I was worried, but I didn't think much of it at the time. I hopped out and continued on with the madness. A few hours later, my period dropped (which from what I've read on here is one of the big reasons for an outbreak). No problem, popped a tampon in and continued on with my day/night. After the party a few of my friends, my ex and I went to a local bar. We knocked back a few drinks, played a few games, went to Denny's for some late night grub. Needless to say, my ex (whom should have NEVER been my ex-but I digress) slept over. Besides the fact that I had just gotten my period, I knew something wasn't right in my nether regions. I didn't let him touch me, we fell asleep. Sunday, December 18th. As soon as I used the restroom I knew something was terribly wrong. There were more bumps and there was a feeling present that I had never experienced before. As soon as I was alone (my ex was in the shower) I called the nurse hotline and tried finding a clinic to make an appointment. My ex was out of the shower before I could finish so I cut the talk short and left the appointment making for another day. I had to work that day with this life-changing realization. I didn't know for sure, but after some research I had a pretty damn good idea. I was working an 8-hour shift. As soon as I got to work and found an isolated, quiet area I broke down. Very mildly, but a breakdown nonetheless. A co-worker, and good friend of mine, walked in on me only to let me know what the work load was. When he realized I'd been crying and got a half a**ed response on my end, he expressed his support and said he was there if I decided I wanted to talk. He gave me a light hug, knowing had he given me a longer whole-hearted one that I would fall apart right then and there. I sucked it up, wiped my tears and got back to work. Of course those suckers crept out throughout my shift, but I had on a sweater with some very absorbent sleeves. Monday, December 19th. I woke up knowing what had to be done. I made a few calls and finally found a good walk-in clinic. As I sat in the waiting room waiting to fill out my paperwork I couldn't stop the tears that were shedding, knowing the doctor was going to confirm what my gut feeling was telling me. As soon as I sat on that dreaded table the waterworks went off. I could hardly get a word out. I looked at the nurse (who had an empathetic facial expression which I knew would change as soon as I told her) and let it out. The doctor came in and after a big spiel filled with false hope she confirmed what I dreaded. "It looks like a herpes outbreak." That was the end of the life I knew. It felt like the end of the world. I got blood work done and left some urine in a cup. It had been 2 years since my last check up. Why did I wait so long? Why wasn't I more careful? Why this? Why that? What a fu**ing idiot!! I called my mom (whom is also a carrier). I cried to her. I called my ex (whom I was working on starting a relationship with again) and told him I was driving to his area because we had to talk. I contacted the two guys I had recently had intercourse with (at different times of course) and asked when they had gotten tested last. Their response, "a year ago". I told them they had to make an appointment to get tested right away. Of course, both had a list of questions for me. Fast-forward. The conversation with my ex went as expected. He was angry, he wanted to know who they were, why I did it, insults were thrown around loosely, he had to step out of the car to take a breather. His reaction (after some thought), however, was completely unexpected. He was infuriated with me, but he expressed his support. I dropped him off and drove back home. As soon as I got home I texted him (prior to my knowledge of this development we had made plans to be together that day). He hadn't eaten, I hadn't eaten (mostly because of a lack of appetite and because I was in bed falling in and out of sleep). We came to an agreement. I was to drive back, we were going to watch a movie, then hit BWW for some wings and mozzarella sticks. We did just that. Of course my condition made me uncomfortable for about 80% of the time because we were mostly sitting, but I was so comforted by his presence. We came back to my place afterwards and he held me. Tuesday, December 20th. We spent the whole day together. I ended up going home at the end of the night, against his wishes, because this is still all very new and I don't feel comfortable waking up anywhere else. Wednesday, December 21st. I've been up since 9am, it's currently almost 12pm. I'm still in bed, still crying, I haven't stopped. I look on social media and see all my friends and their lives. Nothing has changed. Nothing, except that now I have this big secret that I never want to disclose to anyone else. So many times I was warned. So many times I went against my gut feeling. I should have never asked my ex for a break, we made our mistakes, but he was always the one for me. I should have known that. I'm 23, he's 22. He's healthy, he has no health concerns and has the rest of his life ahead of him. We can never have sex the way we use to. He deserves someone better. I can't help but think that. I feel so guilty for everything. This could have been prevented. I could have lived the rest of my life with him. A healthy STD-free life. But I decided to do what I did and now I can't stop beating myself up about it. I almost don't want to keep living this way. I've got support, but I feel like my life is over. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I realized most people won't read this because of the length. Sorry. It was just a good outlet for me. I'm really happy I stumbled upon this website. Thank you.
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