AllInADaysWork

AbbeygaleMc I understand and you have every right to fill down and out. Baby steps. Have you thought of an alterate way to tell him. Maybe by email, letter, or text. I know those are not the best ways to communicate something like this but maybe those avenues will take some of the pressure off.

AbbeygaleMc I am glad that you are being so honest about your feelings. I have felt that same way and even though I have had it for almost ten years I still have those feelings from time to time. I read so many post on different discussions where people say just be strong and those feelings will go away and you will find someone to love you and all that jazz. And yes they may be completely right but sometimes that is not what you want to hear at that exact moment. Sometimes we just need people to listen and hear what we are saying and how we are feeling. So with that said imagine I am sitting with you as your friend. Listening and hearing what you have to say and noding and most of all being there as a friend to support you.

WhoopsiDaysi and Beckie thank you for your words. All I can say is that I am human and I feel and i am honest about those feelings. I do not try to mask my feelings I just try to stay occupied so those feelings are not so overwhelming. I try not to throw too many pity parties for myself but I do RSVP to some of them. I know this is all a process and I am working through it. I know a partner will not fix everything because I still had a slight level of anxiety when I had this skin condition and was married. I am single now but extremly busy and still have a level of anxiety. Do I let that anxiety run my life...? Not at all but it is there and I have to acknowledge it in order to move past it.

suzyq15 first off if you are not sure about your feelings for him you may not have to tell him. If this is not someone that you feel you could date or be intimate with you may be able to save that discussion for someone you are more interested in. WIth that said, I have disclosed after dating someone for months and I have disclosed as early as a week. Both ended with the "we can still be friends but that is it" speech. I always thought that if I allowed someone enough time to get to know me and fall in love with my winning personality ;) then all the rest would not matter but that was not the case at least for me. I was actually happier with the quick disclosure because I got my answer fast without investing all that dating time. The decision on when to disclose is really up to you. I do suggest you do it before any hot and heavy make out sessions take place. That way you wont find yourself in a physical position with the difficult task of having to tell him then. No one wants a half naked man running out of their house late at night. ;)) But then again you never know he just might stay.

Why is it that I only really feel like I have herpes and that herpes drastically affects my life when I am lonely. When I am busy doing things and not thinking about not having a partner I do not even realize that I have it. The second my mind ventures out and I have too much time to think is when it really sets in. In pour the “woe is me” thoughts, the “I will be alone forever” thoughts, the “I wish I could go back in time” thoughts, etc. I work full time, I am a full time parent, and I go to school full time. I am terribly afraid that once school ends or when my son no longer wants to hang out with me and I have a little free time I will start to lose it. Do I continue to find activity after activity to keep my mind occupied? I love myself and try extremely hard not to have those self doubts but it creeps up from time to time. Will those thoughts ever just completely go away or at least subside enough to where they don’t sting or do I need to take up underwater basket weaving, scuba diving, martial arts, bungee jumping, get my PhD, learn to sword fight…?

kp2 I agree with Adrial. If he is not willing to at least learn about it or acknowledge it then it seems that he is not really interested in fully knowing who you are. HSV is part of our bodies. Our partners should be educated about it and understand how it affects us and how it can affect them. Choosing to ignor it and making demands without regard to your feelings does not seem like a good start to a healthy relationship. I feel your pain. I too would rather have the flat out rejection then to continuously hear the "its never going to happen" speech.

AbbeygaleMc I have never heard of symptoms popping up as soon as a few hours after intercourse but I suppose anything is possible. I guess if he performed oral on you and you were having an outbreak maybe that would be possible. That is something I would have to educate myself on. I am not going to tell you what you should do or what would be right but I do encourage you to tell your partner. I know it is not easy. I have been there and it sucks but he deserves to know and receive the proper medical care if necessary. We know that herpes depending on the severity and if left untreated may cause additional problems. This was your very good friend so as his very good friend this is something you should definitely think about. You would want to tell him before he has intercourse with someone else. Ending the cycle of STDs starts with those that are infected. We have to be aware, honest, advocates, and most of all safe. I know you have strength in you. Just be strong and remember first and foremost that this is your friend and you would not want to put his health at risk. Good luck to you.

abbyroad78 thank you for the information. I have used one that you mentioned and had a pretty good outcome but then I moved and did not have much luck. I was always scared of trying a non-H dating site because of the fear that there may be people on it that I know, but your logic seems pretty interesting and I am letting that fear subside a bit. I tried one that advertised $9 for a year subscription. I set up an account then realized it was $9 for a month so I decided to upgrade to a 3 month subscription. I got to searching around and there was no more than five males on the site. It was really sad so I just deleted my account. I suppose I will try something different.

effemmell that is great! Sometimes text can be easier. That means you do not have to see them face-to-face but it still get the message across. Good for you. I know I am very proud of you. Very brave.

I am finding that even though rejection stings like a beeotch, once that feeling subsides you really do feel good about yourself for being honest and upfront. I do not want to be one of the people that helps add to this already full pool of h swimmers. Brighteyes I am glad that you are no longer an unhappy camper. I agree with Jess1981 that I may have to take some tidbits from your profile :D. I still really enjoy conventional dating and I guess I like the sting so much cause I still find people date them and tell them face to face. It is like a freight truck to the head afterward but I'm still alive and my heart is still intact. I guess I am building an arsenal of things to laugh about when I get older. :))

effemmell - I know it is tough. I find myself low at times, thinking that I may be "alone forever." I just try to push through those feelings. It is never easy and I would be lying if I said it was. Sometimes I feel like shutting down when I tell people and get rejected but I try not to build up those walls because they will only be harder to knock down in the future. Is there anyone such as family or friends that know about your status or are you keeping this information to yourself? Sometimes it helps to tell someone you are close to so you can have that support.

Hello to all. I am new to the site and would enjoy the company of an (h) buddy. Gender does not matter. I know we are all here to support each other.

I got herpes about ten years ago from someone that did not know he had it. We got engaged and later separated. I found someone that did not have it and at the time he did not care that I had it. We got married and had a child. After about 6 years I think the fact that I had it and he did not have it changed things in our marriage. So he no longer wanted to be married. We divorced last year. I have gotten back into the dating scene in recent months and have told two potential partners. One completely cut me off as a friend and I told the other yesterday and he says we will still be friends but I have not heard from him today after weeks of constant communication. I told my potential partners long before we reached the bedroom but well after there was time for them to get to know me as an individual. I have an ex from high school and a best friend that say they would want to be with me even though I have it and they do not. However, I do not want to be forced into something just because my choices may be limited. I tell people so they have a choice to decide if they want to continue things with me or not. I did not have a choice when I got it and wish I did. We people with herpes owe it to ourselves and to others to be honest. People with herpes that do it and give it to others without telling them are the reason there are so many people out there that look at us like we are disgusting individuals. Find that strength in yourself. I know you have it. Be strong and be honest.