Rayofsunshine

Thanks @Bambina3 I'm definitely keep pressing forward and at some point I understand the right person will come around. I do feel as though he isn't ready to let go which is why he wants me to stay around but I need to choose not to for my own feelings sake. He isn't on the fence anymore he is clear about his feelings on it, although he chooses to only look at it as negatively as possible. It's funny because although he surpasses me in age I had the same thought that he may not know real love. But he feels asking someone to stay or love you through is being selfish so I let go. I'm still extremely positive and I honestly do feel like others will be more open than he. I know, this was my hardest and first disclosure so knowing it will get easier helps tons.

&& yes I feel like I learned soo much from him & yet I came out on top, you know he actually said for no he was the lucky one in all this because he didnt get it. How insensitive! Little does he know, you never know life I could meet the right man and he still be single looking for Ms. Perfect... Whose really lucky anyway he's 13yrs my senior, getting hit on by married women. I think I'll take my chances at real love...

You know what is very interesting when you initially mentioned your ex husband you reminded me of him. He also is a great man but he has anger issues and they are a light switch, he wants him his woman no tattoos, piercings, etc. Once we had a conversation that turned into a very nasty argument over me wanting to possibly get removable grills in my mouth. I mean he flipped, so you had my attention off that alone. @HikingGirl

Yes!! Thank you we talked this over once again but he is still 100% in his answer to leave. He doesn't want a virus, he mentioned something about he feels superstitious that all the sex we had and he didn't get it, although he knows he doesn't have it he will test again. He feels lile a family member from beyond the grave or something protected him, WHATEVER! Like WTF!! But we said we can be cool & friends but I have taken this whole time and my emotions are no longer the same for him I'm gonna keep pulling away oh well if he feels a certain way. Truly, I no longer care he said he told his mom & she cried but also said he made the right decision, she wouldn't know what she'd do if something happened to him. I said well no disrespect but you know its not a death sentence, he said well yeah but I'm an only child so if someghing happened to me she would take it different than like your mom who has more than just you... ASSHOLE!! I completely wrote his dumbass off at this point. Its crazy how a real situation will reveal a person's true nature. Then said something about how someone who doesn't care about themselves will accept me but he loves me so if has nothing to do with love. Again, ASSHOLE!! I said everyone cares about themselves, he said are you kidding me do you see all the fat people walking around half of America don't care bout themselves... I know its not good to say, so I say I "wonder" if something will happen in his life to knock him down a few pegs, but I don't wish it.... I have 4 sisters @HikingGirl & yes they would & already have agreed with you....

Question: @HikingGirl & @Katidid so a bit of advice... Long story short I saw him which I knew I would so I looked extra cute purposely. We had minimal conversation, when he initially saw mw (it was so cute) he became flusteted instantly & sad... He doesn't show emotion but in those split seconds I saw it, he doesn't like to feel vulnerable at all. But while we were dating he said I could have something & I still want it so I approached him in asked for it. Being straight forward as to not make him feel I had any reserves for him, he then said (all this in a joking way & during the course of our conversation) "so you leave me & now you want something from me" & "so I guess I got the power then, hmmmm", "Idk if you can have them I may need some favors"... All this was completely joking, yet he still hasn't giving me an answer on a definite. But it interested me that he thought as though I left him when all I did was clarify our break up & take space after a comment I didn't like. He mentioned how he was going to keep his head low that day because he didn't want to bump into me. I said why, you can still speak he said he didn't know what "space" exactly peetained too. The Superbowl came up & I mentioned how I was going out that night, & he also said he was attending a Supeebowl party but only after my plans. Initially it was just he'd be watching as well. I called him that night, he didn't pick up but text a half hour later saying he wasn't near his phone but in the livingroom, he hopes everything is okay. Usually he listens to "heavy" music in the livingroom which is understandable why he didn't hear his phone. But I called again because althougj completely outta character if he dis I wanted to make sure no one was there but he pretty much never picks up after 10pm... It was after midnight but he picked up clearly sleep, I ended the call. This morning he text apologized for being tired. (I didnt respond) he text again 15min later asking if I need to talk about something. I responded later saying "No apology necessary I know he had to work, everything is fine. Thanks for asking" he text back "Did you just want to talk?" I had no response (partially because I was caught) but 10min later he text again "I miss you" w/ a sad face. I have yet to respond. I love him but we broke up soooo....

Take care of his body*

I'm not sure why he would either, honestly I question whether there could've been something else that maybe he didn't talk about but his body language, his worss everything was 100%... He was more affectionate than I was, he actually brought these different forms of love out of me. Two of my friends said to me that they saw him as a stepping stone to help me be a better woman for the right guy. One thing he really loved about me that he said was we had a simple love, he didn't have to go clubbing all the time etc. He said that if he had the oppurtunity to walk away before he got it amd didn't do so he knows he would be upset with himself. He's said he doesn't care about other people staying (because I've told him about stories like yours) he is trying to take care of his boy and giving it an STD is not doung that. Apparently he read somewhere that being an a monogamous relationship with someone who has if your guaranteed to get it, he doesn't even care if its type 1 or 2. What bothered me was the fact that he is willing to possibly miss out on love or limit hos love life because he will avoid all people with this. It upsets me because I'm better than your past relationships & he knew this after months yet he stayed off & on with a girl for 5 in a half years until she finally really left him. Its a lot to sacrafice in my eyes, over something not so deep. He is looking heavily at the (bad) facts but as I always told him "You are preparing to live your life, your whole life"... He is 38 been at the same job 18yrs, no kids, no marriages, owns his house, 2 cars, good credit score. The ONLY thing he is waiting on is the right woman (as he has been played before heavily or even settled with incompatible women) yet she walks in and you walk away. He taught me A LOT quickly & I'm glad for that, but its unfortunate that another man will reap from what he helped blossom.

So I had my first (what can now be considered a disclosure) November of last year. I was dating this incredible guy that I'd met from us passing often. A friend mentioned to me that he probably likes me (I'm a 25yr old black female, he is a 38yr old white male). After a couple conversations, we exchanged numbers and it blossomed from there. He was my first white guy but I wasn't his first, I had a whole new perspective on love being color blind. Welp!! Apparently its not herpes blind, after 5 months of dating I had this weird itch in my backend area, it kinda hurt to scratch but I needed too, immediately went in recieved another STD check up. Came back with HSV2, this (what I now consider to be an outbreak) happened around Nov. 8/9 because the test was done on the 9th. I pretty much text him and asked him "Do you really love me?", when he came over that day I just told him I actually did come back with something. As he joked prior response to my text "Oh No, what do we have Chlamydia?" I handed him my lab work and he immediately said "Idk what this means & then said "HERPPESS!!" We sat down at opposites ends of the couch and he kept protesting he has it as I said he may not, he then said "what does it say about Lysine?" & also made a comment about "that"d explain the rash on my thigh." We hand't yet even looked up symptoms or treatments. He consoled me very much sent me articles on living and managing, how its so common etc. Now interesting thing was I saw but never paid attention to him having cold sore medication in hos medicine cabinet and about 5 different rash creams. He explained this all behind poison ivy (as he works outside.) I didn't believe in my heart he would that but there my sister didn't. I began to say things purposely 1 night, I said nobody will want me he said "you'd be surprised" just peculiar answers. Fast forward he doesn't have it howvere he got tested about a week after my "outbreak" Nov. 18th, we basically broke up because he couldn't deal he felt after basically dancing around the issue for a month and having the convo that was like pulling teeth. We were "friends" but not reallt we did EVERYTHING the same except I had no sex & he was getting off on BJ's (which he loved because its hard for him to cum, even at first witg me but I figured him out.) I ended that recently as well because it was no longer working and he offended me with a comment he made about herpes. He said how perfect I am, always told me how I'm his BEST relationship & how he's so happy etc. After our break up he's told me I took a piece of his heart, I set the bar high for other women, it seems impossible to be happy at this point, he feels empty without me. All I've said in response is "I hope you find the girl not that you can live with but can't live without" he sent me another sad paragraph which I didn't respond, & then 3hrs later sent me a pic of himself, again I neglected a response. He still hasn't told his mom who he is extremely close to that we broke up even though its been a month. In a thank you card for the Christmas gifts I got her she mentioned prayers have been answered. I thought that was sweet, I mean before this happened he LITERALLY said to me after 5 months, I can have a child with you, I can be with you forever I can see this (us cuddling, loving etc) 30yrs from now. He will be 39 two days before I turn 26 (I though was cool, we're the same sign) no kids, marraiges etc. Just him and his mom (he owns his house his mom is with her live in boyfriend of 6yrs at his place) but all that out the window for something I couldn't even control. I'm glad I told him butbI am so disappointed in him, to be honest. He will settle or be alone?!?! Thats a joke, herpes isn't a death sentence, c'mon. Mind you he liles black women in we have it the highest so odds are he'll come across it again. If he ever came back with a change of heart I dont think I'd care to accept him, I told him it could have just as easily been him. Oh & he plans to re test approx March to be sure. && i have yet find a link between cold sore meds in poison ivy on the face... Anybody?!?! He has recebtly used it too because it was on his bathroom toilet last time, he had a few tiny bumos around his mouth that he wrote off because he was feeking sick at the time. Your thoughts? ? Society deemed us no longer people, but a disease!!! I'm not going for it!!!

My question is simply: What made you stay? What about that person or circumstances? ? What was it that made you see past the herpes (stigma)?? I currently have herpes and found while in a relationship with someone, he turned out to be negative and our relationship was AMAZING we were on the fence for awhile on whether or not we would break up. He inevitably decided it was a deal breaker, but prior to this we were talking babies & marriage someday. He has constantly told me I'm the best relationship he has ever had hands down. Which speaks a lot for me because he is 13yrs my senior & has had more relationships than I. I'm starting to accept it even though I know he feels what I feel that we are undeniable almost made for each other. I dont think he realizes how much it hurts to be told you are perfect & would be THE ONE but herpes blocked it. The last text he sent (I have not responded purposely to anything) he said I set the bar high for other women, I took a piece of his heart, he feels empty inside what hurts the most is the memories we won't have. He misses me in his arms, I am the best woman he's ever known. He's told me no man will ever think you are more beautiful than I do, how I am worth soo much & never settle for less I am amazing, if he had to line up every girl he's ever dated he would automatically choose me 1st & last. All these things, mind you when we broke up we still did everything we alwats did except have sex but it always led straight to that point. He was getting off on BJ's (which he loved because it was hard for him to cum w/ all women including me, but once I knew what worked for him I always pleased him. I let it go finally after a month, he still hasn't told his mother we broke up after a month, who he is extremely close too. (Any thought as to why?) After no responses from me he sent me a picture of himself. Again, I dont know why... He is a white male and Im a black female, now odds are very likely he will come across another girl in my age bracket (he wants to have kids so he doenst wanna date to high, he's a year shy of 40) who will also have herpes & he knows this. For him he is the least likely to have it, all thoughts are welcome...

All I can say without reading everything (because I dont have to) is by not disclosing you are apart of the problem.

My dates were varied prior too because I was correlating from the time I had symptoms to the time he was actually teated. Byt having my lab resukts provide with a better time frame, it could in fact be Nov. altogether when I felt symptoms all in itself not Sept or Oct at all. I really wish I could recall the date, honestly. But knowing this it seems more acurate he could have been tested about 2 weeks after my symptoms

Well I read that symptims are different across the board, sobI presummed it could have been. There still would be no explanations for what I felt other than herpes, I'm very relatively healthy myself. When I was in the shower I recall it being painful to wash but also very satisfying to rub them (if that makes since) thats why I related it to a mosquito bite. I have no idea what it looked like back there in my doctor never looked just ordered the test. Evwn going to the bathroom it would hurt to wipe my backend. I was officially tested on the 9th of November, there had to be approx no more than a 4day window from symptoms to testing. I had to find my lab work but in knowing this he was tested on the 18th of November. So lets approximate I had an active outbreak Nov 5th, 2016 he was tested Nov. 18th, 2016. Whats possibilities now?

Does anyone know the numbers on passing herpes to a man during an active outbreak? I read its a 75% chance but can not find it anywhere else nor if male or female. The guy I dated before my "friend" (broke up over this) we had sex twice with a condom in April, I had (what I now know) an outbreak in Sept/Oct. 6months later (Cant recall exact month) but I know that is what prompted me to re test so quickly because I had already done so. It felt like mosquito bites on my backend, that's all but it was weird. My now current "friend" went in got tested Nov 18. Approx a possible 2/3weeks-1 1/2 month after my outbreak. I read everywhere that the antibodies are detectable only after approx 3-6months for sure. He said he feels okay but he had a rash on his thigh or something dry skin though. And he had definite flu like symptoms a cpl times but its flu season. We had sex often several times a day unprotected for about 5 months before I even knew. He also kept that area shaved which I read was not great for transmission, howevwr he is a very healthy male. Takes vitamins, supplements, eats healthy organic, gym 5x a week etc he was even already taking powder Lysine. He dis at one point mention that he is not use to being sick for so long, when he was sick, he thought it was strange he was still nit better after about 3days to a week. Again before we knew anything. What are the possibilities?

Does anyone know the numbers on passing herpes to a man during an active outbreak? I read its a 75% chance but can not find it anywhere else nor if male or female. The guy I dated before my "friend" (broke up over this) we had sex twice with a condom in April, I had (what I now know) an outbreak in Sept/Oct. 6months later (Cant recall exact month) but I know that is what prompted me to re test so quickly because I had already done so. It felt like mosquito bites on my backend, that's all but it was weird. My now current "friend" went in got tested Nov 18. Approx a possible 2/3weeks-1 1/2 month after my outbreak. I read everywhere that the antibodies are detectable only after approx 3-6months for sure. He said he feels okay but he had a rash on his thigh or something dry skin though. And he had definite flu like symptoms a cpl times but its flu season. We had sex often several times a day unprotected for about 5 months before I even knew. He also kept that area shaved which I read was not great for transmission, howevwr he is a very healthy male. Takes vitamins, supplements, eats healthy organic, gym 5x a week etc he was even already taking powder Lysine. He dis at one point mention that he is not use to being sick for so long, when he was sick, he thought it was strange he was still nit better after about 3days to a week. Again before we knew anything. What are the possibilities?

I talked with him, he is definite & his choice to leave. He said he has a fear of catching something he cant get rid of, & he also said that he would have never thought I'd have it Im so nice etc. I got a bit upset trying to explain it could happen to anyone. I read up that the antibodies in the body that become present when you have herpes are not visible for 3-6months. I didnt want to upset him but I told him to get re tested because I believe we had sex when I had an outbreak. At the time I didnt know what it was, I was on no meds then & we used no condom. Do you know the liklihood of him getting it? I hope he doesnt resent me. I believe it was an Sept or Oct he got tested I believe the 1st week of Dec. He stood by that the doc told him no such thing of a 2nd test but I told him she also didnt know I had an outbreak so be safe.

Thank you for that insight. In the back of my mind I do believe that I had a thought of if I move on je'll come for me. But if I did and he didn't come but instead moved on too could I handle it, & I think not. I am going to see him soon I'll address it and if he is 100% about letting me go then I may verify its okay to date again. I dont wanna feel like Im hurting him or unfaithful but even now technically I'm single. The new guy knows I'm just casual dating, I'm not ready for anything else. I surprised myself at how well I've handles the situation. Had this been a cpl years ago I would have been crying for months on end. But I know my worth & I love myself, our ONLY downfall was herpes. I am not herpes, I've stayed. & cried over abusive men, cheaters, opportunist, etc. This guy is hands down AMAZING, my best relationship by far. To leave me for something I can't change that does not define who I am. Good riddance!

I just found out about a 2months ago that I am positive for HSV2, my boyfruend at the time went in got tested he came back negative. He was optimistic about the situation until he realized he was good. For about 2weeks we didn't have sex (which is extreme for us). So I addressed the issue he didnt want to face it, I could tell he was on the fence. But he eventually said it may be a deal breaker, he said he is sad and he loves me. He mentioned that the convo would have came up regardleas and that he feels at this point it is a deal breaker. I gave him the facts & told him our bond isn't found everyday, some people never find it. He text back he loves me, I was supposed to see him today I wantes to discuss us. in the time we've "ended" things, someone has come across as potential. I dont know if I should persue this guy and let my "ex" know or wait and see if he comes around. I also realize now that he was my first disclosure which I definitenly ruined, he took it easier than I. He was my support (until he was negative). Now with more information, the support of this page I can go forward, but should I???

I can tell my partner is completely on the fence about whether or not he loves me enough to stay or should he just high tail it and run from the word: Herpes. I'm curious, is there nay thought process or ideas I could give him to help him with this decision, I know I'm worth it. Just wish he can see it, on a pro & cons list my only real con is herpes. This is dreadful and disheartning

Oh & also I always thought there was a 4% chance on medication and condoms. Even that js not a big enough percentahe to walk away, I feel. If you honestly felt it was worth it, I've started suppresive therapy on valacyclovir once a day. He went to go buy condoms after we knew he was negative but we were only intimate once since after knowing. I let him know Im trying to protect him, I'd never hutt him. But as said before, worst case scenario we both have and have to adjust to life.

If you don't mind me asking how long have you in your wufe been together? I'm trying to show him the truth but he seems to be convinced. As I see all the positivity in this forum I have begun a drastic healing process. I text him lastnight and I let him know he's waiting for perfect & Im going to live my life. He's sad, hurt, etc. But I don't understand how, your deciding to leave me. Our ONLY issue is herpes our relationship is great, thats the DEAL BREAKER. Haven't heard from him since I text lastnight round midnight I know he's at work so its okay. For someone to say I am good enough, Im great etc. But because of this condition Im no longer worth it. I dont want you, I acknowledged my own feelings and stpped focusing on his so much. I won't beg nor plead, love will prevail. If not he can step aside for the right man. When I see how discordant couples treat their mates, I want THAT love.

I've recently been diagnosed with Herpes and as we all, I am devastated. I was dating someone for 7months going strong, even talk of marriage and children. He is 13yrs my senior and an amazing guy, someone I never thought I'd be interested in but I was smitten. My diagnose came about the 5th in a half month of our relationship, from a regular STD screening. I had thought he'd given it to me, but foumd out not all my places I'd gone to get tested in the past included a Herp test. The scariest thing for me was telling him but I ripped the band aid off. He too went to go get tested and I must add he was extremely positive through the whole process, even proclaiming he had it as well, until he came back negative. Curently we've been broken up for 3days because I had to address the elephant in the room. No sexual activity for maybe 2/3wks, everything else was fine but our sex life was outrageous prior to this mostly on his behalf. So of course I knew something was wrong, he's told me I'm his best relationship, & I believe the heaviest concern (other than contracting it as a general worry) on his mind is never finding a connection like ours. He has said he's made foolish decisions his whole life he doesn't want to make another by catching this and we break up. But at the same token, he doesn't wanna let me go & lose out on love. Although it was established we'd just be cool he still calls me bae, tells me he loves me, & even mention me to his mom in a text. Oh, in about wk ago we were jokin about baby names. I know they say action speak louder than words so Im confused right now, I need advice from any and everybody. Lol. Thus far I have dropped off his items back to him and took my items from his house all while he was at work today. I got no word from him since, Idk if he's looked in his drawers yet to even notice. This morning he text me that he loves me & he's sad, I never responded. He's already said its a deal breaker, so Im just ripping band aids off everywhere. But we spent all weekend together as we always do. Yesterday, he couldn't keep his hands off me, he wanted to cuddle, he kissed me every two sec, he kept coming up behind me hugging me tight. At one point he was on me soo much I slightly pushed him back to simmer him down. I was confused he had just told me he didn't wanna be with me, but at that point I did realize he was grunting, grabbing himself etc. I felt like letting it play out but I didnt wanna be let down. It made me realize though, he is still sexually attracted to me, that gave me hope. Idk what my next move should be, Im trying to give him space to see if that causes him to miss me enough to work us out. But I also dont wanna lose him by him thinking I made up our minds and Im gone. I love him beyond words & I'm just lost & scared.

Hey very new to this and any form of support, but I am over joyed I have found a source. I have known for approximately 1month in a half that I have Herpes, when it was found out immediately after my boyfriend at the time went in tested, came back negative. As of literaly yesterday he officially decided to call it a "deal breaker", so as you know Im suffering with pain and rejection. I would love to have someone whose been here & even someone I can maybe encourage as well.