Lollyann, what I took exception with in regards to your first post was when you said "whether or not she does things right the next time she is still a human being worthy of love and respect." Well no, actually. If with her new found knowledge she decided to once again go have unprotected sex without disclosing, knowing she could potentially pass the virus, she would not be worthy of respect. Respectable people don't knowingly put others health at risk. This is a moot point since the OP has already said she will disclose going forward though.
When it comes to herpes being life threatening, no it is not physically life threatening to adults. It is however potentially life threatening to babies at birth(neonatal herpes). The destruction herpes can do psychologically to adults can certainly be life threatening. Many adults living with herpes are in so much pain that they have considered suicide to escape it. Also, the stigma alone can do much damage to someone's mental health, so much so that it could also lead to suicide. I've actually read articles where doctors have stated that they have patients who have taken an HIV diagnosis better than a patient with a herpes diagnosis. I'm less than 6 months in and I can say the stigma in conjunction with the physical pain has taken its toll on my mental health.
Best of luck OP with your situation.