Sunsh1ne

@Justagirlintheworld Thank you so much for your response. Your kind words are so appreciated! And yes! I agree, I’m happy that this site exists for people like you and I who need an outlet. It really makes you feel less alone in the world. It sounds like your daughter and my mom would react in very similar manners. I always just want to make her proud and I wouldn’t want her to worry or be disgusted with me. I love her so much…and sometimes I just wanna hug from her. But I’ve gotten this far without her and I’m confident I’ll be a little better mentally and emotionally once my first outbreak heals. You’re right though…this virus shows no mercy. ME being young is what worries me. I don’t want to live my life without companionship. I’ve always wanted to have kids and be married. Maybe have my mom help me with my kids even (she’s been divorced for about 20 years). And for some crazy reason I’m letting this get to my head. Thinking I have to learn how to be okay with the possibility that I’ll be alone forever. I mean my mom has never dated, and she’s been my role model. She’s so strong and independent….if she’s done it, so can I?…but it’s not what I want. I want a family and I can’t kid myself into thinking I don’t. I feel undesirable as well. I have a hard enough time dating as is and now I feel like it’s going to be even more difficult. We offer to much to be alone for the rest of our lives. We are beautiful. We are compassionate and kind, and we love too much for our own good perhaps (thanks HSV). But surely there are people in this world to look past all of that. I am ready to find someone that I can start my life with… You crack me up: “and frankly, single guys my age are so weird that it's impossible to find someone you even want to have dinner with, trust me”. My mom, who is about your age, says the SAME thing. So funny. Wow your story sounds eerily familiar. I could have sworn my outbreak started as a cut too. They do NOT teach you that in nursing school! They don’t even teach that in sex ed! The manifestations of an outbreak are so not what I thought a typical H outbreak is. That guy sounds like he is in serious denial. He should do his research because it can spread without symptoms. AND!!! You’d think he would be more mature about it. His defensive attitude is really just sad. And you did the right thing by telling him. I’m lucky in that the guy who called me about his positive results, is 35 and he handled it like a total gentleman. And we are still friends. In my case, who knows who gave it to who? It didn’t matter to us. We just want to move forward now. I was telling a friend that when I open my eyes in the morning, I feel okay, and then when I roll over slightly, I wince and then remember everything. My heart just sinks into my stomach. The mornings are the worst, both physically and mentally for me. I find that getting up and staying busy helps keep my mind off it. And to think how common this STD really is…I was walking down the street today counting people: 1…2…3…HERPES….the thought that we are not alone is comforting. I hope you find comfort in knowing that too. And if you need support this is a great place. MY cat, also keeps his mouth shut…which most nights I’m thankful for. He’s solid company. I’m a fairly guarded individual myself. I got out of a very emotionally abusive relationship a few years ago and have tried a few online dating apps. It was a nightmare. So I hear you on that one. @adrial is correct that this should be used as a screening process. People who are genuine will want to get to know us and just see this as a blip on their radar. And we want those people in our lives…You are so right on. We need to like OURSELVES first! That is SO right on. I love that. You’ve been so kind. Thank you so much for reaching out! I do take probiotics anyways for gut and vaginal health. My family has a history of IBS and h. pylori so I try to stay on top of that. TURNS OUT that the yellowish vaginal discharge was BV…but it was such an odd color. She couldn’t use the speculum because it hurt too bad, but she was able to get a sample to successfully diagnose BV. I am on antibiotics and am SO thankful because the discharge is already clearing up and I’ve been able to stay clean and dry which I think is helping the sores heal. I’m also on acyclovir 3x a day for 10 days. Sort of kills my stomach though, I must be honest. I definitely wouldn’t mind getting into women’s healthcare…that is truly an amazing idea. Thank you for your support!! We can get through this. And if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here :)

Haha! No no you're not being extra. Switching those things out are good to do every so often. I just started my medication yesterday. I have to take acyclovir 3x a day on top of which I have a bacterial infection so I have to take another antibiotic 2x a day...so I understand how difficult taking the pills are. I'm hoping to feel better soon. I'm glad you are physically feeling better. The emotional aspect will ebb and flow for a while. Yesterday, I was feeling optimistic. Today, i woke up fairly distressed.

Hi! :) So I am recently diagnosed too...however I know a thing or two about medicine and infection control (I'm an RN). During an outbreak, you probably won't WANT to shave -or at least I didn't wanna come in hot with a sharp object to my genitals let alone with sores. LOL....HOWEVER, if you do shave, it's probably best you use a clean razor and then dispose of it afterwards. It's simply good hygiene and that way you won't be introducing any bacteria to other cuts/sores you may have that your skin would already be harboring. Additionally, you wouldn't want to introduce the bacteria that your sores are harboring to other areas such as your legs or armpits - again, it's simply just hygienic. Yes, herpes is transmitted from skin-to-skin contact, NOT from bodily fluids like blood or sexual fluids or saliva.... and from what I understand, it doesn't dig inanimate objects for too long so the virus doesn't survive outside of a human host. Hence why you can't get herpes from a toilet seat. ;) So please don't worry about your clothes or other things like sheets and such. Once you wash them, they will be good as new! As for the loofa....I personally went out and got a new one that I plan on using after my outbreak is healed. But I never touched my loofa to my sores because ouch. Again, that's me being a germaphobe but I also find it just to be good hygiene. Walmart or Target has them for like..3 bux ;) ** As a sidebar - your new job seems like it's in the medical field. If so, I wouldn't panic about the HBV shot. It's protocol and really it's something you've already gotten before as a baby. You just need a booster shot to make sure you stay immune to it since you'll be in contact with other people's fluids. It's your employer keeping you safe. Hep B is typically spread through blood or other bodily fluids, like semen or vaginal excretions - totally separate from HSV but still a concern. As far as HIV goes...yes, we are more prone to getting HIV if we are exposed to it because, well, we are more prone to getting open sores on our body which can compromise our immune system and thus be an entry way to diseases. But again, this is just your employer trying to protect you so you know the risks. You won't acquire it so easily if you take the proper precautions. Have you learned about standard precautions? These are safety measures used to ensure proper infection control. If someone IS HIV+, you will know that using gloves and proper needle handling is essential. Remember, HIV is NOT skin-to-skin contact, but is transmitted through bodily fluids such as blood, semen, pre-seminal fluids, rectal fluids, vaginal fluids, and breast milk. Not saliva. Will you be handling needles? As long as you are safe and trained how to handle dirty needles I have no doubt you'll be safe. Your employer should allow for proper training in that area. Additionally, condoms are still a MUST because you still need to protect yourself from other STIs that may be lurking in people who don't know it..and I'm sure you are with me when I say we don't need to accumulate a list of acquired STDs. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE...and that goes for your hands too in the medical field or anywhere you'll be handling or coming into contact with blood or other fluids :) ** I'm new to this too girlfriend, and I feel your emotional distress. I'm having a difficult time. In fact, I'm still going through my first outbreak - NOT fun. I haven't been able to talk to anyone and this site has been so supportive...What you might want to do, and what has helped me become more optimistic even after one week, is look through the other discussions. ESPECIALLY the ones that @adrial has posted in the FAQ section. He posts a lot of REALLY great information on herpes itself, how to care for outbreaks, emotional distress, dating & sex after herpes, and just plain optimistic advice. It really has helped me emotionally. What I keep telling myself is that this is just a glorified skin condition that so many people live with every day. The information has proven that we are not alone. Try not to get caught up in your own guilt trip...which is so easier said than done, I know. You can't change the past, you can only move forward from here. There are many veterans on this site that I'm sure can give you more accurate, experienced advice. But this is just my 2cents. Keep your head high. We can get through this. I just know it.

These have helped me to stop crying. Thank you everyone.

Every time I look at myself, I cry :(

Hi everyone. I'm new here..and new to H. I'm a 26 year old female. I'm struggling both physically and emotionally. I have so many questions. SO I apologize ahead of time for the long post. A little bit of background -- a good friend and sexual partner of mine informed me last week that he went to get tested because of a single red bump at the base of his penis. At this point, I was already concerned because I was just starting to show symptoms already. He tested positive for genital HSV-1 and was very remorseful. I am also harboring guilt because I didn't realize that I've never been tested for HSV...and my symptoms have just gotten worse. I have been wanting to see the doctor for an entire week, but I had to wait because the earliest appointment at Planned Parenthood was a week away. I wanted to see my usual doc at PP and not a walk in clinic, because as a nurse, I know that H is not well educated on in the medical field unless you specialize in sexual health (SO SAD). So until then, I have been waiting for my appointment, which is tomorrow (2/8/17) and using this website as a tool to educate myself on the virus. So I haven't officially been diagnosed yet, but it is inevitable. I have had the WORST outbreak from what started from what I thought was a sex injury or a cut. It's been nearly 10 days and nothing has healed. New breakouts started to form around my anus, perineum, and at the bottom of my butt cheeks. The virus has not spread above the opening to my vagina (very thankful), or on my labia minora; however I do have a fairly long ulcer between the crease of my labia minora and majora, close to the vaginal opening - that was the first one I noticed. I never noticed itching, or bumps/blisters...just a "cut" between my lips, which has transformed into an ulcer and many subsequent other breakouts. Is it typical for these ulcers to...ooze? I don't know that that is the right term...but they sort of weep. As a healthcare professional, I am embarrassed to say I didn't know much about this virus, and thus I have so many questions. From what I understand, the primary outbreak can be individual to everyone...but I'm trying to see if my experience is like others have experienced. My partner had a single red bump that has healed already. I'm feeling a bit disgusted with my body. How come mine couldn't have just been a single bump? :( ugh... My BIGGEST concern has been keeping the entire vaginal/anal area dry. I have an abundance of light yellow watery discharge. I'm worried this is what is keeping everything from healing. Has anyone else experienced this yellowish discharge? It doesn't necessarily smell foul, just stronger than my usual. I do have a history of BV....but typically BV normally has watery clear/white discharge, right? I'm so concerned about this...so any insight would be great. I didn't notice the discharge until maybe 5 days into my outbreak. Also, urination isn't too painful as the sores are not near my urethra. However, (sorry TMI) POOPING IS A BITCH! It hurts SO BAD. Any suggestions on what to do to help? I have done Epsom salt baths, topical tea tree oil (straight up..I don't mess around), and I've been taking L-Lysine just until I can see my doctor. Also, if my partner said he tested positive for HSV-1, it is likely that is the strain I have, correct? I, of course, will be tested for both just in case. But I found conflicting views online. For example, I read that if someone who has oral HSV-1 transmits the virus onto the genitals by oral sex, then it is automatically changed to HSV-2, as in it is NO LONGER HSV-1, because it is on the genitals. I found that to be odd, since I know HSV-1 can occur on both oral and genital regions. If someone obtained the virus from oral sex, HSV-1 can still be transmitted via vaginal sex, right? Is HSV-1 that much less severe than HSV-2?! Should I go on suppressive therapy? Should he go on suppressive therapy, as we are not monogamous? I only have medicaid right now while I am looking for a job (just graduated nursing school and got my license!). I'm worried antivirals won't be covered. And will I have a hard time finding insurance?! My partner is concerned that he won't be able to kiss his kid. Is that true? I thought because his HSV-1 is below the belt, that it is unlikely it is in his mouth. I told him to just have good hygiene and wash his hands...but not to be afraid to kiss his daughter on the cheek or anything. He has never had an active outbreak on his mouth in his life.... (So sorry for all the questions)... Finally, I have been struggling emotionally with this. I have told only 1 person...a co-worker of mine who is HSV positive. I am anxious all of the time..I have a hard time sleeping. MY best friend is my mother and I can't seem to tell her. Every time I think of telling my mom, I panic. I almost always have a panic attack just thinking about it. And then I always come to the conclusion that I won't tell her. It will just make her worry about me and my future and I don't want her pity. And I don't need someone else worrying about my love life and my future. I want her support...but not that kind of support. I think because it's so raw I just want my mommy. But I don't think she will react supportive and I'm so vulnerable right now. I know she will still love me...but I don't think she would look at me the same way. Is it terrible that I don't tell her? Am I being an awful person by keeping this from her?...at least for now. I feel like I may need to come to terms with it first before I worry her. Ultimately, I feel alone. I know the stigma is so real. I hate that....but as someone who wants a family and to be married one day, I have started to emotionally prepare myself for being alone. My ultimate defense mechanism. That is not healthy. That is no way to live. I refuse to be inhibited by this. However, I can't help but think that I feel like a lepper in my age group. I feel like a coward...like I will never be able to disclose to anyone, and thus I will never find someone to love me. I've felt this way before after getting out of a psychologically abusive relationship a little over 2 years ago...and I feel myself slipping into that feeling once more. I need some clarity. I need so reassurance that there is love (both platonic and romantic) after herpes. I am not brave right now to tell anyone. Not even my closest friends. I have been crying every day. I can't eat, and I can barely sleep. Sorry for the long post....and thank you all for your patience with me. I look forward to forming connections with people on here for support, as all of the posts I've read are so happy and optimistic. I am ready to start feeling that way, even so early on... Feeling silly and sad, Sunsh1ne, the vulnerable and perhaps naive RN.