Justagirlintheworld

Sorry for my typos! Phone type is so small and it wont let me edit! *STD

I don't have much time to post but I got it from a guy - we dated for 6 months and had claimed to be DTD free - whom I met on Bumble. So , yes, all dating sites are H sites, people are just dishonest, in denial, or not responsible enough (as I was) to be tested regularly.so, FML right now. I hope it gets better for everyone and still hoping for a better treatment option!

*an unattractive - I'm a grammar freak. That, I will admit.

Hello Sunsh1ne, Thank you for your reply! So sorry your exam was painful, sometimes when people say this H think is just an annoyance, I think it's a little worse than that to me, because it's a very PAINFUL annoyance. I am having good days and bad days. I am here if you need to talk also, I check in every few days. We have inboxes but to be honest, I don't know if we can message each other that way or if it's just for notifications lol! I guess I'll have to find out. Sounds like your mom and I have dated the same guys! But on the serious side, I have seen so many stories about people with HSV going on to find great relationships, have families, and live happy lives. I think I even saw on a random post that Adrial is married now and his wife is expecting a baby. It may be an old post or I could be remembering incorrectly who it was, but at least I know it was on this site. Don't give up on that dream! And you cracked me up too! 1...2...3...HERPES! You know why it's even more funny? I DO THAT TOO! My friend, who is in her 50s and got it from the second time she had sex, told me that me doing that is totally weird but I can't help doing it. It makes me feel more normal. I sit in a meeting in a room, or when I give presentations, or dining in a restaurant and I look around count people. I realize that I could be even sitting next to someone who has it also. I try not to get jealous of the ones that don't have it. Because that makes me feel ugly and unwanted again. One of the best photos of me in recent years was taken on my birthday a few months ago. I use it on all my social media profiles. I realized yesterday that now when I look at myself in the mirror, I see a unattractive, undesirable woman. But, it dawned on me, I HAD this when I took that photo, I just didn't know it. I'm still the same person. It's just the thoughts in my head that are making me unattractive and undesirable. On my bad days, I'm going to remember that and literally work on changing my thoughts. I have to. I hope that you start feeling better very soon! Getting on the suppressive meds helps me feel like I am actually doing something about this, and while we aren't supposed to talk about vaccines here, I believe that there is one very close at hand. Maybe we will be the lucky ones, and in our lifetime we can be rid, or have less of, the symptoms of this menace. And others can be vaccinated against getting it so we won't have that hanging over our heads. Let's hold on to hope! Have a wonderful day, and I MEAN IT! LOL! Signed, your other mom HAHA!

Thank you! I just found out so I feel a TAD better. I will hold onto this for my bad days.

So proud of you - you're going to be a great help to women! We get so much misinformation and you've got a personal reason for doing everything you can to get it right. Love your attitude!

Thank you!

I just realized I totally ignored most of your questions. I may not be right, I'm new at this (ugh) so someone please check me. HSV 1 doesn't turn into HSV 2 just because of where it is, HSV 1 can be anywhere. HSV 2 is in the boxer short area (right)? They are kind the same except where the virus settles. 1 is in the upper spine area and 2 is in the lower. People can get HSV1 from kissing, if there's a sore there. Not sure about viral shedding on this one though. And I think it can be transmitted vaginally, even via oral sex, I have heard HSV1 can be as severe or more as 2, because it can roam around. I have had HSV 1 probably since I was a kid, when I had a mouth ulcer. My husband had cold sores from time to time, I never got one or had any HSV symptoms. Looking back, I had a rash inside my mouth a couple of times but was told it was allergies. Now I wonder - the misdiagnoses abound! I took an epsom salt bath and had my most recent outbreak the very next day. Not sure if there is a correlation but just be aware of this. I had BV and its a gross fishy smell (you know), and yes, I had an odorless but whitish discharge with my last outbreak. Suppressive therapy is your decision, L-Lysine is an option, try the pro-biotics for vaginal health, I really think they helped me. Personally, I am on it because I was without any therapy for almost a year and I don't want another one any time soon. I will probably try to wean off though just to see what happens. KEEPING MY STASH CLOSE AT HAND! If you plan to have sex with others though, it might be best to do the suppressive route. Finally, because you are a nurse, maybe there is one thing you can do to make it a positive: become an expert on this. Maybe make it part of your career. Look at all the misinformation flying around these days! We need a good medical advisor who can see it from our perspective. Just a thought.....

Hi Sunsh1ne, please don't cry. I have to know that we will be okay. I cry a lot over this too, but I stop myself almost before a tear actually falls. I shove it down, which probably isn't healthy either. I am so thankful that you and I found this site! IT IS A BLESSING TO ME. I haven't posted yet, I'm so new, but I want to tell you, I know how you feel about not being able to tell someone, not even your mom, because I can't even bring myself to tell my DAUGHTER, and probably never will. She will scold me like a child! She is so much better at being single than I am; she has taken my own advice about safe sex better than I have. And I am one who gets tested regularly. What struck me about your post is that I feel exactly the same as you do. It shows me that this virus knows no age, no race, no gender. It is ruthless, it has no rules. I am 56. You are so young, you are literally 2 years younger than my daughter. And yet here we both are. So, guess how dumb I am? I hope this story makes you not feel so alone. Me, 56 and after living my whole life without any STD whatsoever, and just found out that the last of the only 3 guys that I have even dated during the 3 years after my divorce transmitted HSV 2 to me. I am really quite attractive for a 56 year old, in fact, people are shocked and think I'm 30 or 40. But I feel so very undesirable now, I am struggling with thinking my life is over and no one will want me now. At my age. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THIS IS NOT TRUE. I had waited 2 years to even try to have sex because I was so nervous and scared (and frankly, single guys my age are so weird that it's impossible to find someone you even want to have dinner with, trust me). The first guy was just a huge mistake and a big regret. I just gave in because I was sick of being a nun and feeling so sexless after abstaining for 2 years. Then, a few months later, I had run into my ex-boyfriend from right after high school (he was the first, if that's not crazy) and had a fling. He had grown up to be an international model and actually had been on a Men's Health cover years ago so I kinda forgive myself for my error in judgment haha, but ... he was was a complete mess so that ended very quickly. But, I still know it wasn't him, because it was another 6 months before I met the D-Day guy (the one who gave it to me), on a dating site. Oh, we had lots of chemistry, undeniable. Close to 3 months into dating, even after I had initiated the "being safe" TALK with him because I had been tested and was clean and wanted to stay that way, and he had said he was the same, I got swollen lymph nodes and felt like I was fighting off the flu. I got blood tested for HSV1 and 2 because a friend warned me that she had the same symptoms when she got H at 19. My blood test results were: I tested NEGATIVE on HSV2, positive on 1 - but my ex husband had had cold sores and I've had one or two in my life so I expected to be positive on 1. But then about a week later came a tiny, I swear it was literally invisible, cut that hurt, well frankly, like a bitch. I got a swab test and, when the doctor never called me with the results, I thought it was because it was negative. I thought about calling them but, surely they would call to warn me if it was positive? Maybe no news is good news? The cut went away, and I truly thought it was a tear or an abrasion, because that is what the doctor told me when he did the swab test! He had said, "this isn't H, it looks nothing like it" and that at my age, "tears are common, be sure to use lube". Understand that I had a P.A. AND a Doctor tell me it wasn't H. So I didn't worry and when the tiny cut came back, D-Day boy and I had already ended, because I had already figured out he was a mistake. (I just didn't know how big of a mistake.) Anyway, I still thought it was a tear and treated it with V-Magic (from Whole Foods, probably a bad idea because it's like a moisturizer sheesh), took Vaginal Probiotics (which I SWEAR seemed to work, also from Whole Foods) and it went away. On my merry way, LaLaLa. Went to Mexico, had a birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas with no issues. Then, I got major stressed over a family issue in January and boy did it come back in force. I knew what it was then, I know about stress and H. I called my Dr and said, BTW, what WERE my results anyway? And yes, I flipped out when I heard the news. At my age. Wonderful. So, back last June, I was blood tested and results were NEGATIVE for 2, positive for 1, but 10 days later, positive for 2 via a swab test. I never knew this until January. My doctor's nurse (who seems to know more than my doctor about this) said because of when I got sick, with the flu like symptoms over two months after we had started being intimate, this knowledge (since it takes a while for antibodies to show up) helps me narrow down when I got it. D-Day boy it is. Thankfully, I hadn't had sex with anyone else (I had learned my lesson about not properly screening men for being D-Bags and/or Crazy), or I would have felt really, really bad. But when I emailed D-Day boy, he DENIED it. Granted, I was pretty upset but I truly didn't do any name calling. He's never been tested but says he has no symptoms, so he doesn't have it? I thought he had been TESTED??? I should have known, he has a chronic illness and won't even go to the doctor for that. I told him the timeline, that I hadn't been with anyone since him, I told him to go get tested and please don't give it to someone else. CRICKETS. SILENCE. NO REPLY. I had been GHOSTED. Personally, if I was him, I would have rushed to the doctor, and proudly scanned and emailed my negative test results right back to the person who said she got H from. But he didn't. Because he knows, and because he knows I know he knows! So now, here we are. I go back and forth with feeling hopeless. I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and the second my eyes open, before I'm even out of bed, I think, my heart dropping to the floor, "Oh, that's right. It's not a nightmare. It's real". And that's when I want to cry the most. You see, in the middle of the night, it's just me, my racing thoughts, my regret, and I. Well, and my cat, but he keeps his mouth shut. But then, when I read what Adrial says about turning this into a filter, a screening process, if you will, it makes me think. I'm still a pretty, fit woman, but I have been rejected over and over again by 55 ish year old men who want to date women, well, who are your age. I tried dating sites, and had oh, about 100 first dates with men who couldn't pay the tab, had 20 year old photos up and showed up looking like my dead grandfather, had serious personality issues, were flakes, jaded, jobless, you name it. I had finally resigned myself to lowering my standards. Honestly, I had actually liked D-Day boy, even though the multiple red flags were a-flyin'. (That's another story.) Settling. It's not a good thing. Now, when I find someone I like, when I disclose - and I will - if he sticks around, then I will at least know, this guy's for real. He's the real deal and that is oh too difficult to find these days. Maybe I will find him, maybe I won't (because I haven't yet anyway), but at least it he will be easier to spot. And this will keep me from lowering my standards yet again just because I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm trying to like ME more than that. Let's keep taking it one day at a time. We didn't ask for this; we trusted someone and they let us down. Maybe they didn't know, maybe they did. It might be water under the bridge, but let's not choose to jump off that bridge anytime soon. Let's see if Adrial is right, that life can be great even with H. A part of our lives is behind us, but not our entire lives. Don't let this ruin your future, continue to read the success stories here (so will I) and know that if it can happen for them, it will surely happen for you. {{Hugs}}