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Here is an affirmation that Louise Hay wrote for people who deal with the Herpes Stigma "My concept of God supports me. I am normal and natural. I rejoice in my own sexuality and in my own body. I am wonderful!" :)

I really enjoyed reading your response! I truly think that people learn in different ways and some of us cannot really understand herpes until we get it. I agree with your selective attention in this situation I call it selective memory! What I think is most important is that disclosure is ongoing if you are with a partner who doesn't have h, because you have to disclose if you have an outbreak, you have to be comfortable enough to deal with those times. I think you will be fully prepared when you are ready to disclose!

I did give her a flyer. I even watched her read through it lol. We even came on to this site!

I have come to a point in my life where disclosing is no longer a problem for me. I can disclose easily and comfortably, sure there is still fear but I know I can disclose regardless of the fear. Lately I have been coming across some new things with disclosure that I think others can relate too. 1. I disclosed and was accepted Yay! This is a really awesome feeling but the real feelings creep up later. The vulnerability and raw feeling of fear that comes afterward. The aftermath..the questions that need to be answered. My partner can make it really easy on me and not ask any questions or they can bombard me with questions and I feel like I am on trial. I'm not sure which direction leads me with the most anxiety because yes no questions is easy and I don't have to feel exposed but are they in denial? Do they really understand? What should I do? WEll most recently I tried to re-educate and I talked about outbreaks and statistics. I did my job. Still no questions. 2. Have entered a relationship with someone and still no questions or concerns. By now it's baffling that the topic has not come up at all and I know it's my job to bring it up again before we get intimate. I could take the easy route but I find myself having the talk again. Still no questions. Am I doing the talk wrong? Is this like a major denial? So I ask my partner "Are you afraid of getting it? Will you be mad if you get it?" She says yes but does not want to discuss it any further. So I am stuck do I proceed? Do I end it. People are going to worry for themselves and that's pretty normal. 3. Already been intimate discussed the topic several times and I bring it up again when I have an outbreak. My partner says and I quote "What is an outbreak!!!!". So no I must not have done my job or she wasn't listening. So I retell her and explain it again realizing that words like outbreak are lingo and need to be explained. When I tell her about the cold sores for what seems like the hundreth time she says "You can get those there!!". Now I am ready to scream. 4. Have an outbreak so inform my partner but my partner thinks I just don't want to have sex with them. I feel like I am protecting them but they feel rejected. So I guess my point with this story is that no matter how good you think you are at educating others about H, there are always going be new things to discover. You are never done disclosing, and that may be awkward or uncomfortable but it's the reality. This situation was really helpful for me because I wonder how many of my partners in the past did not truly understand what I meant when I disclosed and how I can get better at the Talk for the future.

When I got herpes I was obsessed too. I had to look at my ob like every second. It was a nightmare. One thing has been helping me a lot when I get into an obsessive fear is to look more deeply at the fear. I tell myself "I am fascinated by my fear" and it's really weird because then I feel calmer. You can take deep breaths and focus on how you can nurture yourself in this time. It will get easier with time. I hope this helps but really just keep reaching out with your questions and thoughts. Meet others with H, your world will change and your healing will come. Nice job at the stage of acceptance your at!!

I am enough. I am worth it. I am perfect at being me. I love myself.

I guarantee it's worth it! You will meet the most beautiful people, learn so much and love so much!!! :) Have a great H Opp Weekend :)

Because it's not his responsibility to take care of you. It's yours. The psychological effects of Herpes is complex. What we care about is you, and you getting what you need. We don't care about Dustin, he is not worth our time nor should he be worth yours. I don't know this guy but I know my giver, and it hurt that he denied it and lied to me but I know how unhappy of a person he was and most likely still is. I trust if he deserves karma he will get it. You exact your revenge and let us know if you feel better, if it brings him back...but it sounds like you are calling out for help from yourself and we want to protect you from the pain that will most likely come of taking the vengeance anger route.

I'm not sure what the legal ramifications are but I do know that the pain you inflict on another will only hurt you. Yes you may hurt him, you may get your revenge but you will feel no better about having H, being left and unsupported. You have a whole community here to love you. You are worth so much more than this anger, and unhappiness. Your name its going to be ok shows progress. It hurts now. I am not going to lie my giver still to this day 8 years of having H has not admitted that he gave me H. Maybe he didn't know, maybe he was a coward. He left me as well, denied me and at times I am bitter about how I feel towards men. BUT one thing I will not deny is Herpes changed my life, and it can change yours too, in a good way. You have a lot of healing to do and I'm not going to tell you to let it go or blow over your feelings. Your feelings are valid, you have a right to be angry with this guy. You imply that a guy will reject for this in the future. That is possible but, many men will see past this. They will not see past the anger, the bitterness and the negative feelings you hold about H. I hope you can learn to see H for what it really is but if you do choose to take this path I hope you get what you need from it. Best of luck to you.

Thank you for posting this! It is beautifully inspiring.

I've noticed that herpes has actually helped me screen men out better. You will definitely be accepted with it. I've felt unattractive and undesirable with the herpes which made me want to seek validation from men more. You're going to find men who are totally ok with sleeping with you and those who actually take you seriously. Herpes helped me set standards for myself and to essentially love myself more. I've had the talk numerous times and I've been blown away by how understanding men are. I was rejected three times eventually two of these men came back into my life after taking some time so in my book I've only been rejected once. The first guy I told was shortly after being diagnosed and I couldn't even get through the talk without crying. He started crying and in a,way I think he loved me more for it. We were in a relationship for three years and when I would get down and ask him why he was with me he would tell me herpes did not define me. Eventually the relationship ended and I thought I would never be accepted again. I was wrong. With time comes strength and perspective. I hope this helps.

So I finally went to the doctor and was told I do not have genital warts. I have been exposed to HPV but it's not at all like I thought. I'm feeling much better. For the Herpes I am on the suppressive therapy and it's working wonders, so I am glad that as of right now things are going better.

you sure have a way with words! This was nice to read after the way I was feeling it helped me gain some perspective. Thank you Carlos :)

I keep thinking about telling my sister and it fills me with dread because when I first brought up my suspicions of having HPV she reacted with fear and pity. It's like I feel like other people can't handle it. If the people who love me the most and are closest to me react like that the doubt starts to creep in. I want to be able to talk about it with these people without having to protect myself from their reactions.

Reading these posts was really hard. HPV is confusing and hard to talk about because there are different kinds. The most frustrating part is I think I've had it for several years and never realized it wasn't related to the Herpes until I really started to educate myself on it. He symptoms I have are warts and that's really hard for me to accept. I feel betrayed by doctors who may have noticed and said nothing and by myself. I want to love myself and I felt closer than ever after the H Opp but it's not a skill I understand very well. I'm totally accepting of herpes and all the things you are saying Leilani are how I've felt. My last disclosure talk was so strong and confident. I even had a bf who said he was accepting of it but he didn't understand and wanted me to give him a,guarantee we would stay together if he put himself at risk. That was too much pressure for me.