@optimist Thanks for your response! Very articulate and so on point.
I feel a bit conflicted about trying a herpes dating site myself. First because I agree with you, it feels like promoting stigma and segregation. And I don't know if it would be as successful or more successful than other methods (of not filtering anyone based on herpes). And on the other hand, I think, wow, I could meet people who are up front about it. And I respect that.
But I don't want herpes to be the deciding factor on whether to be with, or stay with someone. And if someone makes a big deal about accepting it (as I have encountered with 1 person way in the past), then I feel they will use it as a way to secure the relationship for themselves, so to speak. By trying to make me feel they did something grand and honorable for me. And that's not good. I want to appreciate acceptance, but not to that degree, where it's controlling the relationship.
I feel like I have enough to offer, that herpes should not be the center of everything. I don't know how a person could forfeit love and all the awesomeness in life, over worries about getting a virus, that's likely going to be less destructive than other things they might end up with, due to poor eating habits, lack of exercise, smoking, or whatever. It's frustrating and I don't get it, but I'm trying to respect that people have a choice. And maybe if they can't make, what I consider the right choice, then other aspects of the relationship were not enough for them. And they probably are not the kind of person I could respect in a relationship.
I very much agree with what you say here...
(1) feeling strongly that I need to feel sexually free and therefore unwilling to settle for a relationship with someone who is afraid (that's a deal breaker for me)
I need someone to be ok with actually getting it. Because the risk cannot be eliminated. I cannot live every day, with nervous sex. lol. There are enough psychological sexual issues to deal with, without someone getting freaked out and worried, every time you're touching each other.
But it can still be hard, if you've developed an emotional bond with someone who seems right in every other way. And wanting to help people work through their anxieties, and help remove stigmas. But the balance between this, and self respect, and not sacrificing pleasure. Wheeew. A little stressful at the moment.