BENGEE

HI JESSIKA.I'M BEN. I THINK YOU ARE AWESOME FOR WANTING TO EDUCATE PEOPLE ON THIS VERY PRIVATE "PART" OF OUR COMPLICATED LIVES. I'VE HAD IT FOR 30 YEARS. BACK THEN,THE MAIN FOCUS WAS ON AIDS. SO MOST PEOPLE HAD NEVER HEARD OF HERPES (H) "I DON'T LIKE TO USE IT'S FULL NAME,SO (H) IS HOW I REFER TO IT" I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY. I THINK, BECAUSE ALOT OF PEOPLE STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. I WOULD KEEP IT IN YOUR FAMILY. I HAVE TOLD TOO MANY PEOPLE AND HAVE ACTUALLY MOVED OUT OF TOWN TO WIPE THE SLATE CLEAR. EVEN TO GET AWAY FROM MY FAMILY BECAUSE OF THE FEAR OF SOMEHOW PASSING IT TO THEM. LIKE...IF I FORGET TO TAKE A TOWEL OUT OF THE BATHROOM AFTER I'VE USED IT. OR KISSING THEM ON THE CHEEK. I TELL MY FAMILY TO NEVER USE MY TOWELS AFTER I HAVE. AND I TELL THEM THE TOWELS ON THE DOOR ARE FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. MAINLY IN THE CHANCE THAT THEY SHOW UP UNEXPECTED AND I HAVEN'T PULLED MY TOWELS OUT OF THE BATHROOM.ALSO BY TELLING TOO MANY PEOPLE AROUND ME. MY REPUTATION PRECEDED ME. SO MOST OF THE WOMAN WERE STANDOFFISH AROUND ME. AND WOULDN'T EVEN CONSIDER GIVING ME A CHANCE. OVER THE YEARS I'VE FOUND THAT PEOPLE LEARN MORE ABOUT SOMETHING WHEN IT IS HAND WRITTEN DOWN.BY A FAMILY MEMBER. BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO INTERRUPTIONS OR DISTRACTIONS. SO THEY READ IT IN IT'S ENTIRETY. AND CAN REFER TO IT WHEN EVER THEY WANT. ESPECIALLY FOR THE YOUNGER ONES. IT WILL SINK IN BETTER. SO IF I WAS YOU.I'D START OUT THE LETTER WITH...""I HAVE A SECRET THAT I WANT TO TELL YOU"" THAT WILL PEEK THEIR CURIOSITY,AND GET THEIR FULL ATTENTION...I'D WRITE DOWN A GENERAL EXPLANATION OF WHAT HERPES IS. AND THAT YOU HAVE IT AND HOW SERIOUS THIS IS.AND YOUR CONCERNS WITH THEM AND THEIR FRIENDS,NOT THINKING ABOUT IT ENOUGH. TELL THEM THAT YOU KNOW SOMEONE LIKE (ME) THAT AFTER CONTRACTING THIS LIFE LONG VIRUS "THAT HAS NO CURE" GOT IT WHEN I WAS 20 YEARS OLD NOW I'M 52.AND HAS NEVER GOTTIN MARRIED AND HAS NO KIDS AND HAS BEEN ALONE MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE,BECAUSE OF HAVING (H) AND IF THEY GET IT,THEY WILL HAVE IT FOREVER THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. ALSO TELL THEM THAT CONDOMS ARE NOT 100% FOOL PROOF PROTECTION. FOR ONE...THEY MIGHT HAVE H IN DIFFERENT AREAS. OR SOMETIMES THEY SLIP OFF. OR GET SHREDDED (BROKEN) DURING THE PROCESS. OR HAVE A COLD SORE AND GIVING OR GETTING ORAL SEX. (THATS HOW IT ORIGINALLY GOT STARTED) TELL THEM TO ASK POTENTIAL PARTNERS IF THEY ARE CLEAN OF ANY DISEASES EVERY TIME (BEFORE) HAVING SEXT WITH THEM. TELL THEM TO INSPECT THAT AREA FOR RED SPOTS OR SCABS OR RED BLOTCHES.. (EVEN THEIR LIPS FOR COLD SORES (H SIMPLEX I) AND THAT WHEN "THEY" HAVE A COLD SORE THAT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT "NOT" TO KISS OR HAVE ORAL WITH ANYONE EVER. BECAUSE THATS HOW IT ALL STARTED YEARS AGO. BUT ALWAYS END THE LETTER WITH...PLEASE ASK ME QUESTIONS. I WON'T JUDGE YOU, AND I WILL KEEP IT SECRET NEVER TELLING ANYBODY.I WILL GIVE YOU A STRAIGHT UP HONEST ANSWERS. I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME ALWAYS. ALSO THEY SHOULD TELL THEIR FRIENDS WHAT THEY HAVE LEARNED ABOUT HOW EASY IT IS TO GET A (THE H VIRUS) FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES...(BUT,NOT ABOUT "YOU" HAVING IT) BUT SO THEY WILL LEARN ABOUT IT. AND SAVE THEM FROM GETTING THIS "LIFE LONG INCURABLE DISEASE." JESSIKA, YOU CAN ALSO COPY THIS REPLY THAT I JUST WROTE TO PROVE THAT PART ABOUT YOU KNOWING SOMEONE THAT HAS HAD (H) FOR 30 YEARS. AND HOW IT HAS RUINED MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE. I HOPE THIS HELPS..."KNOW HURRIES-NO WORRIES" STRESS IS OUR ENEMY. ALSO. JESSIKA...YOU (OR ANYONE THAT READS THIS) CAN ASK ME ANYTHING ANYTIME..."STAY STRONG" ...BEN

HI ADRIAL,I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER CALL YOU MR.H. I KNOW IT'S JUST A NICKNAME BUT. IT KIND OF GOES AGAINST THE PREMISS,THAT WE ARE NOT DEFINED AND IDENTIFIED,BY HAVING IT.(JUST MY THOUGHT) WHEN I GOT IT BACK IN 1983.NO-ONE KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT IT. ALL THE FOCUS WAS ON THE FAIRLY NEW ARRIVAL OF AIDS. HELL MY..JUST OUT OF SCHOOL DERMATOLOGIST JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT IT. I WAS SO DEVASTATED AND STRESSED OUT THAT I HAD IT CONSTANTLY FOR 3 YEARS. I'VE NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP OVER 2 MONTHS SINCE THEN. SINGLE FOR 30 YEARS. IT RUINED MY LIFE I'VE BEEN A DEPRESSED ALCOHOLIC EVER SINCE. I'VE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE 3 TIMES. I DIDN'T DIE THE FIRST 2 TIMES CAUSE I'VE DONE SO MANY DRUGS THROUGHOUT MY LIFE. THAT I JUST SLEPT REAL GOOD. THE LAST TIME I WAS GOING TO DIE. BUT I STARTED THINKING OF HOW MUCH I WILL BE BREAKING MY MOTHERS HEART. THAT I CALLED 911.. I TOOK 80 PILLS THAT TIME. I GOT MY STOMACH PUMPED IN INTENSIVE CARE. THEN GOT BAKER ACTED. I AM NOW A RECLUSE, MANIC DEPRESSANT,THAT HAS CLAUSTROPHOBIA AND GETS PANIC ATTACKS,AND PSORIASIS,AND OH YA...I HAVE DEGENERATIVE JOINT DISEASE IN MY NECK AND PSORIATIC ARTHRITIS IN MY KNEES.HENCE THE (I DON'T GET OUT MUCH THING) I'M BRUTALLY HONEST. I'M NOT WHINING. JUST INFORMING. A LOT OF PEOPLE, HAVE THINGS A LOT MORE WORSE THAT ME. SO I TRY NOT TO COMPLAIN. FEEL FREE TO POST THIS, IF YOU WANT. OR NOT. LIKE I SAID. I'M HONEST. AND I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO HIDE. IT IS,WHAT IT IS ..................HAVE A GOOD DAY

HI ALL. I'M BEN,FIRST OF ALL. I ALWAYS TYPE IN CAPS. I'M NOT YELLING.I'M A LITTLE BLIND (AGE RELATED) SO IT'S EASIER FOR ME TO SEE ALL MY TYPO'S. I'VE BEEN BLESSED WITH THE BIG H, FOR 30 YEARS. SO, I'M A BIT OF AN EXPERT,FROM EVERY ANGLE. FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ANYTHING.I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE. STAY STRONG.STAY SAFE.

I LOVE THAT PHRASE,AND USE IT EVERYDAY. ALTHOUGH IT IS ALWAYS HARD TELLING A POTENTIAL PARTNER THE YOU HAVE HERPES. THE SOONER YOU DO IT. THE BETTER. GETTING THAT DISCUSSION,OUT OF THE WAY. NOT ONLY ELIMINATES THE STRESS OF WORRYING ABOUT IT.WHICH CAN CAUSE YOUR NEXT OUTBREAK (STRESS IS THE ENEMY) IT WILL ALSO REVEAL YOUR HONESTY,AND THEIR TRUE COLOR'S. IF THEY WON'T TRUST YOU,AND CLOSE THEIR WILLINGNESS TO LISTEN. CHANCES ARE,THAT RELATIONSHIP WON'T LAST LONG. SO YOU CAN BOTH MOVE ON,TO A MORE COMPATIBLE PERSON. I'VE TOLD ALMOST EVERYONE OVER 30 YEARS I'V BEEN REJECTED BY SOME. BUT FOR THE MOST PART. TRUSTED BY MOST. SO HAVING THE TALK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE WILL SERVE YOU BOTH,BY CALMING YOUR NERVES & STRESS. AND EITHER ALLOWING THE CONTINUATION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. OR NOT INVESTING ANY MORE TIME INTO ONE THAT WILL EVENTUALLY FAIL.............................GOOD LUCK..................................................STAY STRONG-STAY SAFE