TaoOfHealing

I'm still in a rough place. Thanks for posting this.

Thank you for the kind words. I'm still going through the rough patch and probably will continue through it for some time. I find myself oscillating between anger and a Zen sense of calm over the whole thing. If I were totally asymptomatic I'd be much cooler about it, but since I've been having outbreaks over the past month it's just that much more in my face. I'm never one to give up hope, so the research I keep seeing about a live vaccine (three companies working on one?) keeps the hope alive that at some point in the next 5 to 10 years something will hit the market which is effective enough at halting transmission that the stigma will come down. I'm also a spiritual/holistic person, so I'm not unconvinced that there isn't a natural "cure", whether that means actually driving the virus out of my nervous system or just putting it into a permanently dormant state. At the very least, I'm going to make my body very inhospitable to it. As a mentally therapeutic exercise, I calculated the probability of this happening to me. P^infection = (probability of her being infected) * (# years) * (risk of transmission/year) = (.20) * (5 years * .02) = 2% Seriously, a 2% chance of this happening. Fuck you, universe. Up to this point I was interested in monogamy precisely to keep something like this from happening. Now I'm ready to just say fuck it, sign up for a Tinder account, and go to town.

You're right. I worked through a lot of this today with my therapist. She helped me realize that, all things considered, we were far safer than many couples out there. Hell, we had a condom on 99.99% of the time we had sex. In my situation, there's no one to blame. It's just some shitty thing that happened. With that knowledge in mind and in heart, I can move on knowing that I still love my ex, even if it didn't work out, and that I can still stand by her if she's in need. There's no betrayal story or anything behind my situation. It's just the cards I was dealt. I'm luckier than many. Thanks again for your support. I'm going to get back to the other things in my life that are important. All the best, - TOH

I've read a few more threads on here and it's seriously helped me to calm down. Thanks to all of you, especially @Adrial, @optimist, @HikingGirl, @WCSDancer2010. What I'm coming to understand is that I'd built up an image of H in my mind over the years as this insidious boogeyman. I remember in my 20's how I freaked out after having sex with a girl who was open with me about being HSV2 positive. The irony is, since she was on Valtrex and we used a condom, it was probably safer than all my other sexual encounters, especially those with my recent ex (who is an asymptomatic carrier). As far as the conversation with my ex when we started our relationship, it was my choice to go ahead. I can't keep beating myself over it, because I simply didn't know the reality of how many people are infected but are unaware. I thought that a green light from Planned Parenthood and no prior outbreaks was a safe bet. It was a naive mistake on my part (and hers). It's something I can work on with my therapist, along with my generalized anxiety issues. It's going to take me a lot of time and work, but in the end maybe this will make me a more charitable person. I want you guys to know that you are amazing and you've done a great job with this site.

I guess I just want someone to talk to in my support network. But I'm also afraid to let the genie out of the bottle. I'm going to discuss with my therapist first.

Just tested positive for type 2. 35 yr/old man. Got it from my ex. Really nervous about getting out in the dating scene and afraid that I'll end up just settling. Really would like someone to talk to.

So I recently ended a 5-year relationship with my ex-fiance, and we moved apart. Suffice it to say, it was already stressful and I was feeling blue. So then one day after I came home from the gym, I found a small, raised rash on my penis that itched/burned for 2 days. I immediately ordered a full test from an online site and prayed that it was contact dermatitis while waiting for my results. The next Monday I checked my results and was horrified to see 3.36 IgG for HSV-2. It was probably the worst day of my life, aside from the day that my dad died. Flash back to when we first started being intimate with each other, 5 years ago. I had ordered the exact same test and was clean across the board. I asked my then-girlfriend if she would take the same test and offered to pay. She insisted that she had been to Planned Parenthood and checked out fine--no STDs. I asked her if she had ever had an STD or a herpes outbreak. She said no. I said "OK, I trust you then" and our relationship commenced. Over the course of our relationship we had unprotected sex maybe twice, the rest of the time we used a condom (mainly for contraception). Flash back to the present. After getting my test result I went over to her place and confronted her in person. I asked her if she'd ever cheated on me and she said no. I believe her. I asked her if she had ever had symptoms of herpes. She said no (though she used to get cold sores as a kid). So then I ordered a blood serum herpes test for her. A couple of days later we got the results: unequivocally positive, both HSV-1 and HSV-2. I lost the last bit of hope I had left that I was a false positive. I'm going to get a physical checkup and a Western Blot to confirm, but I'm not hopeful anymore as I'm symptomatic right now. I keep going back to that conversation in my mind, wishing that she hadn't been so stubborn (one of her qualities that ultimately sunk our relationship), and that I hadn't been a pushover. I keep playing "what if?", thinking about if I had been more assertive and made her take the same test as me. I feel ashamed and afraid to tell my family. I was such an emotional wreck this morning that I didn't even want to get out of bed. Part of me wants to call her and tell her that she ruined my life, that her immaturity and stubbornness gave me a disease that I will have for the rest of my life and that will impact all of my future relationships. I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't bother to understand the risks before engaging in the relationship. I'm pissed at the system for not doing regular blood serum testing for herpes or treating it with any seriousness. I've started going back to counselling with a therapist trained in EMDR. I read a post on here somewhere talking about that and it's worked well for me in the past for other issues. I don't know if this is a primary outbreak or a recurrence caused by stress, but I'm really not looking forward to 5-6 outbreaks per year. I really, really would have preferred to get HSV-1. Somebody please tell me there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Is there any hope of a functional cure in my lifetime (I'm in my 30's)? Can you please give me some guidance? This is the last thing in my life that I ever wanted, excepting maybe HIV or cancer.