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I'm not sure if I have an OB right now. I don't think I do because I don't see any sores. There are skin colored bumps but those have always been there. It's been really itchy (more than normal) the last few days. Are there any ways to help the itch go away? I recently started taking Valtrex so hopefully that helps too.

I'd like to have oral sex with my guy but we're worried about him getting H from me. I have HSV 1 and just started taking meds. Have you tried female condoms? Dental dams? Are either/both still enjoyable for both partners?

I'm seeing someone and recently disclosed to him. He's being supportive and wants to continue our relationship. However, he is scared to go further sexually because he doesn't want to get H from me. I recently got prescribed valacyclovir from my doc, just as a precautionary measure. I haven't had an OB in three years, since I was originally diagnosed. I'm just wondering though, what are some basic facts about taking it? Is it safe for him to go down on me? Or is a barrier needed? I have HSV1 but got it orally and genitally. I haven't had an OB in either place though. Is it safe for me to go down on him?

Okay, so just a little info about what's been going on. I've been seeing a guy since April. We're not official yet. He wants to take things slow, relationship wise, because he was hurt in his past relationship. I'm currently studying abroad for a few weeks right now and we're still talking. About a month ago, I told him that I'm waiting til I get married to have sex. (I got H from oral). He was really surprised, but in the end he said that he's going to respect my decision. Well, I'm starting to psych myself out. My plan was to tell him that I'm waiting to have sex, see how that goes. And if he took it well (which he did), then I'd disclose my H story with him. I'm really scared to tell him though. I'm at the point where I either need to tell him or I need to back out of this relationship. I just feel like once I get to a certain point in a relationship and things start to get more physical, I start to feel really insecure and like I'm just going to disappoint the guy I'm seeing. The word "herpes" has such a negative connotation around it and I just hate saying the word out loud. It makes me feel less than. And sad. I guess I don't know what I'm asking in this post here, but any advice would be great.

Thank you @optimist ! That was very helpful

Can the guy I'm seeing finger me and be ok? Or should he wear a glove or wash his hands right after? Is it a big deal if he doesn't wash his hands?

Have any of you used dental dams before? Where do you buy them? And do you find them to still make oral sex enjoyable? Have partners been open to using them? So many questions, but I've never used one before and I worry that they will make sex awkward and less enjoyable.

I stumbled across this website (thoughtcatalog.com) on Pinterest the other day and have been addicted to it since. Today I came across a piece of writing that made me smile and I thought of herpes, because that and sometimes anxiety have been my struggles. I hope it puts a smile on your face like it did mine! http://thoughtcatalog.com/haley-jackson/2014/04/to-all-the-people-who-struggle-sometimes/

I've been feeling down about not being able to do things that "normal" couples can do. I was on this site A LOT when I first found it but have avoided this site for a few months up until now, because I didn't want to obsess about herpes anymore, but I felt it was time to talk about it with you all again. Just looking for some inspiration and cheering up. (I have oral and genital HSV1 but have not had another outbreak since my initial in April of 2013). So back to feeling down about not being able to do certain things, I just came to the thought that the right guy out there will accept this about me and will be willing to take the precautions needed to protect him…so going into that, have any of you used dental dam or condoms during oral sex? Where do you even buy dental dams? Is oral still fun/feel good with the use of protection? Is it weird/different compared to oral sex without the protection? I'm not very experienced to begin with, so I'm also wondering if many couples do use protection during oral sex or if most people only use it when they are aware of an STD? I am generalizing when I say "do most people…" which I know is bad because everyone is different! But I'd love to learn more about these things.

I'm 21 years old (had H since 19) and would love to talk to someone from Minnesota or the Midwest. Would love to hear from other states as well :) I'm in a new relationship and have been stressing myself out about what's to come but I'm a good listener so I'd like to hear about you as well!

@Unbroken your post really stuck out to me. Needed that :) @WCSDancer2010 your paragraph about living and not just existing, and how we have to get good at dealing with the curveballs life throws at us. That stuck out to me as well. Been feeling really down about having to disclose at some point now that I'm in a relationship, but your post cheered me up a bit :)

I thought about going to a meet up group like this but the thing holding me back was the ages of the people there. I worry about being the youngest there. Was there a range in ages at this meet up?

I don't know where to begin…I've been dating a guy for about a month now, but we'd been seeing each other for a few months before that. We go to the same college and we got a bit closer right before we both went home for the summer (we live about 3.5 hours away from each other). We visited each other's homes a few times and things became official in July. He's different than any other guy I've ever been into. He's funny, caring, and considerate of my feelings. To go back, I got HSV1 (oral and genital) freshman year of college in the month of April when I was 19. (Now a junior and just turned 21! Whoo!) I was at a party with a guy…We didn't have sex but things went further that I wanted them to. I hated myself for so long after I found out I got herpes. I was just so angry all the time. I went through a few stages actually…Sadness, anger, shock…But I have some really great support from my sister, my friends, and my therapist. I haven't had an outbreak of either one since my first one…sometimes it doesn't feel real that I have H, because of me not having an OB and that kinda bums me out. Like it's great that I haven't had any sores come up, but then it's like I have this STD, but it hasn't occurred since I first got it, so it sucks that I still have it and have to disclose…it makes more sense in my head. Going back further, at the beginning of college, I didn't think that sex was a big deal. I actually came really close to losing my virginity with a guy who lived on my floor. It would have been completely meaningless-just to see what sex was like and to say that I wasn't a virgin anymore basically. But after having my first kiss (yes, my first kiss happened at 19) and trying other things out with guys, I realized as time went on, that sex is a big deal to me, and that I wasn't ready to have sex. I want to wait until I get married, because then it will be special and then I can say that I only had sex with one guy. And that sounds really cool to me. I also wanted to wait so that I would't risk getting pregnant or getting an STD….But sh*t happens. And I think that is why I was absolutely so crushed when I found out I had gotten herpes. But it just goes to show that it can happen to anyone! So this guy I'm seeing…Things have been going slow but just recently I gave him a hand job. I feel a little weird sharing such personal details of our relationship, but we're talking about our bodies already, so I think I'm past sharing too much ;) I'm not super experienced with guys. Sure i've touched them before, but every time they put my hand there, I pulled it away. But this time I didn't. He's my boyfriend and I trust him and I know that he wouldn't make me do anything that I don't want to do. But for some reason, ever since that night I did touch him, I can't stop stressing myself out. Maybe because I feel super bummed about feeling like I can't do all the physical things that a person in a relationship can do, or maybe because I'm just not ready to do those things. Or maybe because I'm nervous to have the sex talk with him and to hear the number of girls he's been with. I feel like hearing his number might bum me out…But I've decided that I'm going to have the sex talk with him before the herpes talk. I want to make sure he supports my decision to wait until I'm married to have sex before I tell him the other stuff…(I talked about this with my therapist, and we practiced exactly how I would tell him I have herpes and I feel pretty confident with how I would disclose). I also want to build more trust between us before I tell him about the H. I guess I don't know what I'm trying to ask here…Just looking for someone to relate to I guess. I had been doing so well with acceptance of herpes until now. I know that herpes is just one small part of me and that I am still a person with great qualities and that something so small shouldn't be the reason that I wake up sad in the morning but I just can't stop thinking about what a relationship is supposed to be like-being able to go down on your partner, or finger without washing hands after…I guess that in the big image of a relationship, those things are quite small. Because a relationship is being with someone you trust, someone you have fun with, and then the sexual acts are just a plus on the side. Haha wasn't sure how to word that. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm super bummed out all over again because I feel like I'm missing out on the sexual acts that people in relationships do…any advice or ways to cheer myself up would be great :/

So I told the guy I've been seeing last night. I went over to his place and he had a movie in so I told him to turn it down a little so I could talk to him. I said, "So you know how I had a cold sore once? Well I had one somewhere else once too. I was with a guy last year and he gave me herpes. It's not as scary as everyone makes it seem and I haven't had anything since the first time I got it. But I wanted you to know before I said yes to dating you which is why I said no earlier. I wasn't ready to tell you until now." He was still looking at the TV when I started talking but when I said the word "herpes" he looked right at me. He said "oh down there?" And I said yes. I was not expecting his reaction at all. I thought he'd be really cool about it. I asked him what he thought about it and he didn't really say anything. He actually said something about the movie. So I asked if he wanted time to think about it and he said yes. He always walks me out to my car at night, but this time he didn't get up so I just walked myself out and then practically ran to my car. I forgot to say, after I told him, that I didn't want him to tell anyone so when I got back to my dorm, I texted him this: "Hey I know you want time to think, and I totally understand that. But I just wanted to say that I was really nervous to tell you and it's not something I have told many people. Regardless of what happens, I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone. I would also really appreciate it if you could call me when you're ready and just let me know what you're thinking, regardless." I honestly thought he'd take it really well. And I don't know what he's thinking right now, which is the worst. I just wish things could go back to the way they were. But I honestly believe that if I hadn't gotten herpes, I wouldn't have become friends with this girl, Siri, and then she wouldn't have introduced me to this guy in the first place. I just hope I hear back from him and I hope he can handle it. I am wondering if he feels like I should have told him earlier. But my therapist kept telling me that I shouldn't tell him until I'm ready and I wasn't ready until now. I told him I'm a virgin too, and I am! I'm also wondering if he thinks I lied about being a virgin. I didn't tell him that I got herpes from a guy going down on me. I really like him but I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I really thought he'd be cool about this…I'm really lucky that I have some support with you guys and with my sister, some friends, and my therapist. I've had herpes for 10 months now. Crazy that in two more months it's going to be a whole year! Looking back, I still feel like it's all new, but it doesn't hurt anymore. It just sucks because of dating. I wish that everyone else could see that it's just some stupid cold sores. Life is short. I wish things like this didn't matter to people. I'll just have to wait and see what he says...

Thank you! :)