Hi Heart of gold,
I have no words of wisdom as I am new to this as well. I just wanted to thank you for your beautiful post, it's raw honesty and open vulnerability. I too love to help people, do my best to be kind, compassionate and eat a plant based diet.
I can totally see how this can floor you. Take some time to process your emotions. If possible see if you can get some counselling where you are. Some communities even have counselling that is income based if you cannot afford it.
Welcome to the forum,
Shannon