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foreverloneliness

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  1. I thank you for your response and am glad that you have an amazing person in your life. I wish I could say the same but I can't. For me I will have to continue turning down women and pushing people away. I will be alone yes but if I am alone I cant hurt anyone. It sucks but that's the way it has to be for me. I didn't have much to offer before this disease but now I know I have nothing to offer. 4%-8% chance is to great for me to risk or for me to ask someone else to risk. God why did this happen I have nothing to live for.
  2. The one thing I wanted in life was to find a woman fall in love and live the rest of my life with that person but because of this I won't allow myself to have that. Other people may move on and find happiness and live a normal life and that's awesome but I won't let that happen. I have my reasons and they mostly stem from this disease.
  3. Appreciate your response yes I still hurt because of what they did to me yes I wish they would suffer for the rest of their lives but in all honesty I have decided to abstain from sex because of this. I dont wish this on anyone and if I were to get involved with someone it would be inevitable that they too would get it and I couldn't do that to someone I care about. I wish the sky wasn't blue I wish water wasn't wet and I wish that I had never met my ex.
  4. So its been 4 years since I found out I have herpes. My ex cheated on me in 2010 and contracted it then gave it to me. I haf no idea she cheated on me but years later in 2013 she left me for that same guy. Now I am lost I have posted on here a long time ago I thank those that responded. I have tried to tell myself it will be ok and my family has reassured me that I will be fine and will find someone who will love me for who I am and wont judge me for what I have. I have turned down many women because of my disease and I dont see any change in that. I wont allow myself to be with anyone because I cant live the rest of my life with someone knowing that I may infect them. How am I supposed to find intimacy in that? There is a girl that really likes me and knows about my condition and tells me all the time she's ok with it but I wont let her get close to me because I dont want to hurt her. I dont know what else to say but I am sorry if I seem so down I have been for over a year now and I dont see it getting any better.
  5. I'm trying to cope with the situation it just seems like a long journey to find that one special person who will accept me for who i am. I pray to God that she is out there and I will find her soon. I can't stand to be single I hate being alone. I have had H for 3 yrs. now and only in the past couple of months have I let it get the better of me. I was actually suicidal for a time. I had a loaded gun in my mouth and my finger on the trigger. Not only because of H but because the love of my life had just ripped my heart out with no remorse. I am past that now thanks to God. It still hurts all the time but God has been easing the pain. I don't know if I will ever be the same again but with God's help anything is possible.
  6. Thank you and God bless. I dont know what to say. I have spent the last week crying and telling myself that I am no use to anyone. I don't sleep well and when I do I have nightmares I haven't eaten in a week I feel like my spirit is broken and that right woman is nowhere to be found. All I ever wanted in life is to find that special someone to hold me when times are tough and tell me everything will be alright. But I am to scared and weak to confide in someone again. The Lord has blessed me with happy times in my past. But my future seems dark and lonely.
  7. So I have the H. I contracted it from my ex girlfriend. When I found out I accepted it thinking we would be together forever we had unprotected sex for 3 years and it was great. But she left me. Now I'm in a bad state. I have tried to move on I actually told a woman my condition and she didn't care. But when it came to business and I could not perform while wearing a condom she said I was pathetic and gross. I can't go through that again. I am far to embarrassed to tell anyone else and ashamed that I can't please a woman ever again. Am I a lost cause? The outcome is bleak.
  8. To be honest I don't expect anyone to accept me. I don't have many qualities to offer someone as a trade off. I'm not attractive and I don't have money. Not saying that those things are important but they sure would be perks in this situation. I have tried to be with someone since she said it was fine but when I couldn't perform while wearing a condom she said I was pathetic and left. Am I a lost cause? The outcome is bleak.
  9. So I have H. And I feel like a lost cause. I know I can't tell anyone I hope to be intimate with. I'm not strong enough and I won't be intimate with someone without telling them. My ex girlfriend gave it to me orally and when we found out she accepted it. We had unprotected sex for 3 yrs and were happy with each other. Now she has left me and I can't go through that again.
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