Swellcoffee

@SPATX919 @Bambina3 @HikingGirl thanks so much for your advice!

So here's the situation: I was diagnosed with hsv2 a little while ago and I was extremely depressed about it at first but over time I slowly started coming to terms with it. My confidence had really been improving until I recently had an incident with a friend that has made me feel tons of anxiety again. I just started college and I made a new friend in one of my classes named Jane. We would sit next to each other in class, go to lunch together, study in the library everyday, and talk all the time. I felt like we were getting along really well and that I could talk to her about anything. Naturally, the subject of relationships came up and Jane wanted to know all about my boyfriend and I. So I opened up to her about all the problems me and my boyfriend were having and how I was feeling like it was a bad relationship. She gave me a lot of really good advice about it and I came to the conclusion that the relationship I had with my boyfriend was toxic and that I needed to break up with him. However, one of the biggest things that was holding me back from breaking up with my boyfriend was that we were both hsv2 positive. I was terrified of the idea of being single and in the dating world where I might possibly get rejected for having herpes. I was scared that if I broke up with my boyfriend then no one else would want me and I would never be in a relationship again. I did not tell Jane about this factor and so she seemed really confused by why I hadn't broken up with my boyfriend yet when he was obviously so wrong for me. Weeks went by and she kept pestering me about breaking up with him so much that eventually I admitted to her that I was scared to do it because of the whole herpes situation. She understood but told me the right thing to do would be to end it with him even if we did both have have herpes. It felt good to tell someone about my diagnosis because I hadn't told any friends about it ever and later that week I finally broke up with my boyfriend as well. But, recently I had a weird encounter with a classmate that has made me worried that Jane might have gone around telling people about my herpes diagnosis. I was studying with one of my classmates named Alice. We are in the medical field so we were studying about the reproductive system and STDs. We were quizzing each other about a chapter on STDs and so Alice asked me, "What std causes vesicle type lesions?". I replied with the correct answer, "herpes". Then after I answered she said "And you know all about herpes" kinda under her breath before moving on the the next question. Alice's comment REALLY bothered me but I didn't say anything to her about it and just moved on. But after that incident I couldn't stop thinking about it. Did she say it as a joke? Does she know I have it? How would she know unless Jane told her? I thought back about my friendship with Jane and how much we would talk and gossip together. I started realizing that Jane likes to gossip about people A LOT. So I started worrying that she may have told people about my situation. It bothered me so much that I brought up what our classmate had said to me the next time talked to Jane. I flat out asked her if she told Alice my secret and she replied with, "What? Huh? Alice and I don't even talk". This calmed my anxiety a little but I also kinda had the impression that Jane was lying. Plus, it became obvious that Jane and Alice do talk and they were friends when the next day they were taking about how often they text each other in class. So now I'm freaking out that there are rumors spreading around my school about me. I really don't want to become known as the girl at my school with herpes because I feel like the worst thing about this disease is the stigma. I feel so stupid now for telling Jane my secret when I didn't really know her true character. The anxiety about this keeps me up at night and I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to end my friendship with Jane because I feel so angry that someone I trusted would tell people my secret. But at the same time I'm worried that if Jane and I are on bad terms that she'll be mad and tell even more people about my diagnosis. I am so upset and I don't know how to face rumors going around my school about me. What if someone confronts me and asks me if I have it? What should I do? Help!