angelah

Thank you all for your comments and support. I do feel better after knowing the chances are extremely low that he would've gotten anything from me. He had asked me a time or two if I had any STD's and out of being racked with fear and the short time I'd known him I did say no. I'm disappointed in myself for that as well. But I wasn't ready. He's holding on to the way I handled it as his reason for backing up on me. I wish there were a way to make this a more accepted and understood STI so that people who are uneducated about it won't freak out and make us feel like freaks. Maybe then it wouldn't be so hard to tell and risk getting labeled as a liar on top of feeling like a leper. No one ever minds kissing you if you have a cold/ or a cold sore. Even if they get it. No big deal right? But move that to a magic part of your body and it's a whole different story.

Hello. I'm new to the forum. I have been diagnosed with HSV1 & HSV2 for close to 20 years. I've been great about disclosing...until recently. I became involved with a man who is separated but still married about 5-6 weeks ago and emotions escalated quickly. We fell in love, yet I was extremely insecure with the relationship due to his marital status and him not making efforts to resolve that. It was shaky ground to say the very least and I have spent the last month or so feeling anxious and overwhelmed as this is new territory for me. He has lyme disease and doesn't deal with stress very well so I gave him allowances for not having pushed forward with the divorce. So here it comes...this past week things started to get physical. We had oral sex a few times (NO intercourse). I've been struggling to hold him off until his divorce was final. I did not want to disclose my H until he was through that phase. Plus, I truly didn't want to have sex with a married man. I came clean shortly thereafter and he is so disappointed in me and angry. He says I have lied and put him at risk and that he feels like a fool and cannot trust that anything I've said is real. I don't know how on earth I let this happen. It is truly out of character for me. I try so hard to live with integrity. And I've failed and lost someone I have deep feelings for. I cannot imagine all the things we've talked about in hopes of our future together, disintegrating because of my ignorance. It is affecting me physically. Can't eat, wake up in a full body sweat, and my stomach is burning constantly. I don't know how to make this right. He has completely shut me out. Is there anyone out there who has been forgiven for such a thing? Is there hope? And how on earth do I forgive myself for ruining what could've been the best thing that has happened to me?