advice_seeker

I just got a flu shot just before I got it I looked up if it would affect me in regards to an O/B so many people said it does.... curious to know if anyone else has experienced OB after a shot

So, my confidence has never been the best. I would always question myself, compare myself, & basically all the big no's no's of being confident. But sometimes I would get dolled up go out into town and feel amazing and beuutiful for dedicating time to look my best and now even when I try that, I immediately feel down when that little voice in the back of my head is like yeah you look good but you've still got herpes... or I'll see a cute guy and think just wait until you have to have the (h) talk with him... it's taunting!!! What can I do to learn to let go. Obviously it's something to remain conscience about but how do I keep it from bringing me down? What are some things you guys have done? What works? What doesn't? I feel like maybe if I tell people randomly about it then I can get over my fear of having THAT talk but I also am terrified of being perceived as a hoe a slut or anything else. The only people that know this far are the two men that I've been involved with the last 3 months and my roommate since she is my only true confidant. But for all of you that aren't so bogged down, what do you suggest?

Ever since my diagnosis a little under three weeks ago, being sick is all I think about. I'm scared every itch is an OB. I'm afraid every tingle is an OB, every little bit of groin pain... Truthfully I'm noticing I'm coping by avoiding being sober. I didn't really think this was going to affect me, I was so focused on it affecting others *see previous post* I feel like its going to take over and I don't want to give it this control. How do I learn to accept? At what point will I stop wishing for a Time Machine to go back? I feel like damaged goods noon will want.

I've yet to have a visible outbreak, could have been I had one internally i guess. I only got really really sick, like the flu almost, just with burning pee, which is why my dr. Assumed it was a UTI my first visit. She only did a HSV blood test after my second visit when I told her Stan had it, but I have no idea if it was an LgG or LgM. It was an urgent care clinic. Im only in this state until July, so I don't have a steady physician, i Just go to a UTC when i need it. Stan however is in the military so I'm sure his care was a little better than mine, and between our small discussions, i THINK he got a swab test. Medically I also have a concern with not being prescribed suppressants do I NEED them? Should I have them? Are there any studies on people who were on suppressants vs some that weren't? @msSweets @optimist

2017 May 1- I get an STD screening for all STIs including Hepatitis A B & C- all Negative. I have an IUD. I was feeling confident in no pregnancies or STIs May 12- unprotected one night stand with a long time friend, lets call him JR. May 13- I meet up with a man I haven't spoken to in years but was in town temporarily. We've always had a strong connection, we'll call him Stan. He and I have always had a fling, we always cared so deeply about each other May 17- Stan and I have sex, unprotected for the first time with each other and it was absolutely magical. I had never felt so connected and secure. May 20- I get sick, reallllllyyy sick. I'm in bed with 102 fever for about two days, it burned to pee, my body ached everywhere, and I had a swollen bump on my groin, which I now know was a lymph node, I felt miserable for about 4 days, I actually thought I had contracted an STI from Stan. So when I went to the doctors and she said I had a UTI I requested I also had some STI testing done and she sent me home with antibiotics & I thought nothing of it. May 23- Phone call from Dr. Chlamydia and gonorrhea and white blood cell tests from visit were negative. didn't realize at the time that a simple blog test doesn't diagnose HSV1/2 May 25- Stan tells me he found a small bump on the base of his penis. He got it checked out his doctor said it looks like an ingrown hair but went ahead an test him for HSV2... June 1- Stan calls to tell me he tested positive and was PISSED at me- he had been tested 3 months prior and was negative. I freaked out, called out of work went to the clinic to get tested. Between the time of being tested and before I received my results. I spoke to JR- remember him? He apparently had been HSV2 positive for over a year and didn't tell me the night we had unprotected sex and didn't seem to have any plans to tell me at all. When I called him to tell him I had to be tested, his first line was "are you serious?" the told me about his diagnoses and said "so many people have it, you'll be fine" . I had never been so angry!! He knew! and he didn't tell me!!! He didn't allow me the choice and I infected someone else I cared so deeply about. All within three weeks I had contracted and transmitted the virus. The guilt, the self loath, the anger, the "how could I be so STUPID", hit me all at once. I acknowledge my faults in all this. I had just felt so confident about my tests from earlier in the month I felt unstoppable, and secure in my sexuality and judgment I didn't think this would ever become something I'd have to live with. Stan had asked for his space the day after him being diagnosed. He didn't want to speak to me he pushed me away, which was his right. We still hadn't received my results but he and I knew that those days I was sick couldn't have just been a UTI. I never told him about my one night stand I had days before him. June 5- I get a call from my doctor HSV2 positive. Last night, June 11- I saw Stan I was able to tell him my results and he confessed to me since getting his results he's considered suicide and has been so depressed. And I feel like I need to do everything in my power to make him feel better. I have done so much research, I've seen studies on experimental drugs, on homeopathic remedies, I understand that the psychological effects of HSV 2 are more pressing than the couple annual physical ones I have come to terms a little better than him. I apologized profusely I never would have put him at risk if I had known, and for some stupid reason I couldn't stop myself from crying as I apologized, I'm not usually a crier but knowing he's hurting so badly made me hurt worse than I already was. I know nothing I say or do will make him feel better. I have cut out JR completely since I called him. So I completely understand why Stan tried to do the same. But I can't stand back after what he told me he's going through. He said he talked himself out of it, but its still so pressing for me. He'll be leaving soon an I can't let him leave knowing what I know. He said he's scared no one will want him, that he won't be able to have children with out spreading the virus to his S.O.S. I did my best to assure him that someone will choose him over the virus and that there have been cases where couples can have relationships without transmitting and urged him to research. He's in the military, and his doctor has prescribed him with valtrex. Mine however told me it was unnecessary which is a separate concern. I don't know what to say or do to Stan. I'm grieving myself but all I want is for him to be better. To feel better. This is all so much. I don't know what to do or say. anymore.