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Manc182

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  1. @happyherpy @ash2018 lol! It's been around since Ancient Greece, right? Fear drives business for sure!
  2. @katidid absolutely. I can tell he's feeding off my energy/vibes. I've GOT to get out of my head and keep it moving forward and be the same girl he met and liked initially. Worrying won't change anything, it'll probably make it worse. Y'all. It does not help to have this and already have anxiety and panic attacks. lol I'm a mess.
  3. I just keep that "brace for impact" mentality. I'm trying not to let him see it though, just giving him his space to think. time will tell. :\
  4. Just to update. Feeling a bit like he's pulling away. Didn't text me this morning first, like he always does. And didn't tell me he loved me right away. Preparing for the worst. :(
  5. @Katidid thank you!! That is SO encouraging to me. There are good people out there who are just after the love, and don't get bogged down by stigma fueled details... and I pray this guy takes the same path as your husband. So far so good :) Remembering to tell myself to relax and enjoy the moment. Not always the easiest for me, but luckily... this forum and support exists. Means more to be able to come here and get a little support and encouragement when times feel low or scary. Thank you!
  6. @HikingGirl thank you! And that makes absolute sense. I am inherently the person who waits for the other shoe to drop... for the rug to be pulled out. In my mind, if I'm always sort of preparing for the worst... it'll soften the blow. In this instance I'm trying not to give way to those thoughts, because I also do not have a poker face and he can see right through my forced smile if I'm in my head telling myself bad things are going to happen. It's a vicious cycle. But I'm really trying to just enjoy the moments with him. However many that may be. I'd pray for the long haul, but I'll take what I can get. Ive got to remember to breathe and enjoy the now, because that's really all we got. And. Like you said, I'd be robbing myself of joy if I can't at least be happy in the present moment, instead of worrying about the what ifs. As crazy as this sounds, I've seen you post a lot on the stories here and you're always so encouraging and enlightening. The world needs more of that. Thank you so much :)
  7. Bossed it, well done! The rest is up to him, in the meantime I just wouldn't rush things. Manc as in someone from Manchester btw? Thank you! It was the hardest conversation Ive ever had to have. But I laid my heart out. And for someone who doesn't do well with being vulnerable, I'm pretty okay with how I reached deep and found the courage. Also True. I mean everything in me wants to ask him every day if he's done, or wants to walk away... but I'm trying to talk to myself and keep my patience in check. Lol as much as I wish it meant Manchester, it's just initials. Although I have friends in Manchester!
  8. Thank you ash :) I feel a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I just had to share. He is an amazing guy, and because of that, I knew I had to tell him. I owed it to him and myself. Even if he walks away down the line. I can rest easy with that peace in my heart. I'm learning how to be brave.
  9. I don't know why this didn't post all the way. But. To summarize the previous lengthy post. I just wanted to say... I did it. The guy I've been seeing since March. He's the first guy I've ever told. I read from a letter I wrote on my phone. I tried to control my emotions, but I couldn't contain the tears. When I told him earlier in the day that I'd be coming by later, because I had to talk to him, he thought I was coming over to break up with him. So as I sat there and poured out my heart through the tears, his defenses came down and he sat beside me ... and cried with me. He said. "I know what you're saying, and I want you to know... I'm not going anywhere." Relief flooded my heart... but in the same token... I felt like he wasn't even thinking it through. So I made him promise to research and do some thinking and hard soul searching. We've only known each other for a few months. He promised he would, but said "I don't need time to think. I know what I want, and that's you. We'll get through this together". So that's where we are. He came over yesterday (the day after disclosing) and took me to the lake. Said he thought I needed to get out and smile again. He hasn't brought it up again. And his affection toward me hasn't changed. But at times, when we're quietly driving... I worry that his mind is wandering, and maybe he's rethinking things. I know the reality may hit him and he might change his mind. But for now, I can breathe knowing that I have done the right thing. I have given him his right to decide about his health. And even if he changes his mind (which I pray he doesn't), I feel extremely grateful for having the time I've had with him. And the confidence in my ability to talk to someone I care about, about deeply important issues like this has rose a bit. Thanks for reading. And for being here in this community to offer support. I love everything about this forum and have gained a lot of knowledge and strength from your stories. xx
  10. Hey all. I've hovered over this group for a few months... longer than that really. I've seen discussions of disclosures gone amazingly right and some that have made my heart sink, as they went wrong. I've been "apart of the club" as I like to say... since August of last year. Coming up on my one year anniversary (yaaay
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