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TaintedLove

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TaintedLove last won the day on May 8

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  1. I’m so afraid of being lonely the rest of my life. I’m scared I’m going to die alone. I hate myself so much for letting this happen to me I know better. I’ve been praying and praying that things get better for me. It’s been 2 years and I still feel the pain like it was yesterday. I have good days and bad days I’m definitely having a bad one now. I know if I had someone in my life that would accept me I wouldn’t feel as bad. This is a hurting feeling and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I know some feel like you don’t need a person to make you complete but it’s more to it. I have no sex life, no date life no nothing just work and take care the kids. I’m happy that I’m in a position that I can take care of my kids provide a nice home and nice things for us. I just want someone in my life to make feel good again. I swear 99% of the women at my job have someone in there life. I’m the 1% that don’t. I just want to be happy and love myself again
  2. @CestLaVie I’m happy that everything turned out good for you. I’m praying that I will meet someone one day and except me . I’m so lonely and depressed I don’t know to do. I’m keeping it together for the most part but it’s rough.
  3. I told my mother first, then cousin, best friend, cousin, sister, 3 ex boyfriends lol we are still really good friends. I have two teenage daughters and I was going to tell them just to warn them and protect themselves . But they so nosey they saw it in my phone and they knew for about a year and never said anything. But I’m not mad at them for that. They found out on an accident and they hated the guy for it, which they are just now telling about. It’s crazy because know one really cares but me. I treat myself like I’m a different person but they always remind me that I’m the same person. I just wish everybody was that comfortable @My_dog_is_hungry I like what you said people lose interest when the victim doesn’t care. Your so right honestly I never thought about it like that but it’s true. When you don’t care know one else seems to cares. I’m scared to tell my co workers It’s other people I want to tell but I’m nervous. A lot of people always wonder why I’m single. I want to tell them but I’m scared. Just on how they will judge me. My co workers are nurses so the reaction might be mixed.
  4. Has anyone had any success with online dating? Sometimes I feel like that’s my only option . But I’m to afraid to post a picture. I get messages from guys but there not my type. A lot of the guys that I see I’m just not into even when I read their profile. Some just want to hook up and that’s it. And other with potential is so far away. I’m also scared of being catfishes. I think that’s another reason why I don’t have a picture up. I had my pictured up on another dating site years before the virus and this guy saw me in public and called my name I was so nervous and scared.......Should we stick to the same standards we had before our diagnosis? I feel like we should but then part of me says woman be happy that someone is interested in you . I don’t want to lower my standards just because I want love but then part of me tells me that you have to compromise. I just don’t want to settle for less at all. I did that with my giver for a year and half no more! What’s a good dating site that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. I’m a nurse so, I just want to meet a nice successful guy between the age 32-45. I’m 38 but I don’t look at all. I just want to be happy and healthy.
  5. So I am a Black women from the Midwest and I was diagnosed 2 years ago. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster ever since. My closets friends and family know about my condition. They all are very cool about it honestly, it’s nothing to them and I’m so happy for that. They love me unconditionally. I live in a small community and I’m scared to death to disclose it. A lot of guys try to talk to me but I keep my distance. I’m so afraid that they won’t accept me and they will talk about me and tell everyone. My Ex gave this to me and he didn’t disclose it at all. It seems like people talk down on this more than HIV where I come from. Every one thinks that your nasty without knowing how you contracted the virus. I’m so lonely and depressed I don’t know what to do. Some days I think I’m going to honestly go insane because I know I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. And I’m only 38. I’m a nurse at a hospital and I work with a lot of women and everybody has someone in their life except for me. Some days I just cry and cry it hurt so bad. My question really is do other races have trouble with acceptance and disclosing? Are Black men accepting of the virus? I’m not trying to make this a racial thing at all I swear I’m not I’m just wondering. Maybe it’s not my race just where I live IDK but it’s horrible. Some days I hate myself so much for what he did to me. I just want my life back and to be happy again . I’ve given up hope and I want to regain it again.
  6. Thanks @FlowerChild.... well said those words were very encouraging. I have to start believing in me again and face my fears. I need to face the fact that this is me and there's no getting around. I am a wonderful person. I love my life and I love my children. I'm believing in me again and I'm go start back living and enjoying life again. Thank you so much. ❤❤❤
  7. @Flower Power you just made me cry. I swear I wish I was strong and brave. Sometimes I want to yell it to the world and see what everyone's reaction will be. I live in a small town and people talk about this as the worst thing ever. I'm ashamed and afraid. I'm a nurse and hearing how other nurses talk about people with diseases upsets me at times. Some of my family and closest friends knew right away. I went into a bad depression. I disclosed to this guy he took it well but he cut me off right afterwards. He's someone that I would have loved to be with. But oh well. I just ask God to please give me the strength and courage to get over my ex. This is not healthy for me at all. @HikingGirl I wish it was that easy for me. I just want them feelings to be gone so bad. Every time he see me easing away he comes back into my life. I just to be able to tell him NO! And mean it. I just be feeling like know ines going to want me. I swear where I live people talk about this so much. Work, social media, even when I'm at at the beauty salon. Especially since the whole thing with Usher. The only time I feel good about the situation is when I'm with my ex. I don't have to pretend or be scared. I wish it wasn't like this. I just want to get off him and live life again.
  8. @FlowerPower thanks! I just can't wait to wake up one day and all the feelings that I have for him are gone . I will be so happy. I swear sometimes I just want to shout what I have to the world. But then I don't I'm afraid of how people will view me. Have you had to disclose to anyone if so how was it? Any advice?
  9. So my Ex keeps popping in and out of my life ans it's so confusing. This last time he just stop dealing with me for 2-3 weeks with out any explanation or anything. I was so hurt and devastated. I love him so much but I think I'm only dealing with him because he have me herpes. I don't want to have to disclose to anyone I'm scared of rejection. Especially because of where I work and my job title. He just came back around telling me how much he loves me and he wants us to work things out and how much of a good women I am. He still has never acknowledged that fact that he gave it to me. I honestly thinks he's in denial. He won't admit that he has it. So he drops a bomb on me and tells me he has a baby on the way. My heart dropped . We've been broken up for 7 months but we've been back in each other's lives the last 2 months. He's telling me that he don't want the baby at all but he do what's right and take care of it. He also said he doesn't want to be with the mother either. He said that's why he fell back from me for this couple weeks because he didn't want to hurt me and he didn't know how to tell me because we we're just getting back on the right track. So I told him we will work things out and discuss things deeper if we decide to be together. I told him I would support him. Just as long as him and her are truly over. I swear I love this man so much but I do always know that I wouldn't have stuck around that long after we ended the relationship. We been talking about the future buying a house getting a business together. But now he's acting funny again and being short with me. Last week he spent the night with every night expect for 2. He has his own place. I swear I just hate that I have this. I feel like I'm only putting up with this because of what he gave me. I don't want to pass this on to anyone so I only deal with him. It's so much that I love about him. He keep saying he's so stressed and going through a lot. I don't even know what to think about us anymore. Life is just so much easier without this. He thinks he's stressed I am too. I just don't know what to do? I'm so scared I'll be alone forever. This is a hurting feeling. I'm a good woman and I have a lot to offer someone.
  10. I was diagnosed in April but I'm finally having a real outbreak. I only had sex twice since I found out. Last week was the 2nd time and it was with my ex the one that gave it to me. But anyway all of a sudden I have a bunch of sores and they hurt. I'm scared to have sex. Any suggestions on what to do and I wonder why am I just now having sores. My doctor said that I was atypical or something like that but now I have sores and it's really making it real for me now.
  11. That's really good for you @mst because going through this alone is horrible. My friends and family know and of course the person that gave it to me. I was talking to a guy right before I found out and I told him 2 months later. We only talk and texted on the phone. When I told him he said shit happeneds you live and you learn. He sent me a picture of him a week after that and texted a little that say but I haven't heard from him since. I was so happy when I got the picture I thought maybe this is a sign and he might want to continue but I guess not. Oh well like he said you live and you learn. In all honesty if I found someone to accept me and understand the condition that I was attracted to I wouldn't feel so bad. I think right now it's about acceptance and love. I don't have painful sores or anything I think it's just the fact that I have it. I'm so happy that I can feel a little sad at times without being judged @HikingGirl I was talking to this guy that I met on a dating site for Hsv and he was just making me so mad because I'm sad. I have every right to feel sad. I know I'm not going to be this way forever but this is knew to me still. I have a lot to look forward too im a mother a nurse and I have a family that loves me so much. Thanks for the hugs @HikingGirl I really need them.
  12. I've always been one of the strongest women in my family, but right now I feel so weak. I cry so much I can't help it. I'm extremely depressed. I just found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. Im pretty sure she'll be his next victim. I'm so heartbroken. I don't know what to do I was just with him. I really wish this pain and heartache go away. I wish the stigma wasn't so bad maybe I could cope better. People act like your dirty when it comes to this condition. I'm trying my hardest to love and accept my self but it's so hard. I blame myself so much. Thanks @HikingGirl for your words of encouragement. I know with time I'll feel better I'm just so hurt and upset right now.
  13. Hi everyone I'm new here. I was diagnosed in April and I'm still very depressed. I feel like my life is over. I know it's not but I swear it sure feels like it. After we broke up I went into a deep depression for a couple months. After I finally got over the depression and felt whole again. I met someone I and went to the doctor to get a check up just to make sure everything was fine .It wasn't they told me I tested positive for herpes. My heart dropped. It's crazy because I would always bargain with God. I usually get tested every 6 months. I would always say please if I get anything incurable let it be herpes. I can live with that. Now that I have sometimes I feel like I can't live with it . I don't sleep around I was in a relationship I just meet the wrong ones . I'm so upset and ashamed I blame myself more than anything. I was really in love and I felt like this time was going to be different and we would be together forever. When I told my ex his he denied it and start acting like my best friend. He basically told me all the things that someone told him when he first found out. He never paniced he never mentioned anything about going to the doctor. I just wish he was truthful. Sometimes I really wish we we're still together. Going through this alone is horrible. I'm depressed on a daily basis. It's affecting my everyday life and I can tell my kids are noticing me being depressed. I feel like no one will love and accept me anymore. I live in a small judgmental city. So my ex just popped up out of the blue telling me he misses me and he's sorry for everything. I mentioned the herpes situation and he still denied it. I spent the night with him I even gave in and had sex with him and he preformed oral too. I'm sorry for being graphic but he's still denying it. I don't get him at all. He doesn't feel any type of sympathy or anything for me me. Two months later he still haven't mentioned going to the doctor yet. I'm just so afraid that I'm going to be alone forever. I'm so scared to disclose to someone I think that's why I want to be with him still. I need help and advice I swear.
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