TaintedLove

@Missmissy Yes I’m having sex. I have HSV2 . I only did the swab not the blood test. I always felt kissing and oral sex is more intimate just my opinion. But they both have had sex with me just not oral or they haven’t kissed me in the mouth. Idk it’s just weird to mess with me and nothing come of it. If the situation was reversed I would make sure I see some type of future with this person first or maybe that’s just what I wanted. The last one really acted like he wanted to be with me. He kept thanking me for telling him and he said he trusted me and that made him want me more because being truthful meant a lot to him. I’m done after all that tho I’m go keep focusing on my children and making money. When I wrote that last night I was kinda sleepy but I had a lot on my mind at the moment. Sorry for the long rant.

Last time I wrote on here was in the summer. I had a summer fling that recently just ended. It ended with us never being in a relationship . He lied about everything I ended up finding out that he had a girlfriend and she was pregnant. My heart was broken. I loved him. He lied about everything but the truth came out. So I get over him , well I tried too. It was so hard it still is . He never judged me he would never talk about the herpes thing. Once I found out about the other girl he told me that if she wasn’t pregnant he would be with me and he didn’t care about herpes. I wanted to believe him so bad. But we had to end it I couldn’t trust him.......So I met another guy. I try my hardest not to get close to guys but this guy was making it so hard for me. I felt like he adored me. He was just so into me. And I was loving it I was also a bit scared because of my situation. The crazy part is he 10 years younger than me. That scared me but he assured me that he was very interested in me. I wanted to wait before I told him but he was the type of person they wanted too ow everything upfront. So one day I wrote him a very long text. And to my surprise he took it very well. He told me by tell me one on my biggest secrets it made him want me more. And he wanted to get to know me more now. He told me that he wanted to take it to the next level with me if I would allow him too. I was kinda scared but I was so excited and confused all in one. He invited me over to his home the next day. We had sex with condoms of course. He was all on me he couldn’t take his hands off me. Two days later I spend the night we talked about us and having a future. We had sex he held me all night I was kinda uncomfortable but it was ok I was in his arms. The next morning we woke up talked , cuddled. I had to go home I had to work later that evening. We hugged and said our goodbyes And that was the last time I heard from him. That was 10 days ago. We’re friends on social media so I know he’s alive. I don’t get it what was the point of all that. I’m so sick of this I swear. No guy will ever love me for me no matter how hard they try. They will always see they I have herpes. I’m not worth the risk. They won’t even kiss me. I haven’t had a kiss in so long. They two guys I dealt love to kiss and have oral sex. They might feel like I’m useless and why be with some when I can’t have sex the way they want. So many thoughts go through my head. I tried to look on dating sites for people with herpes but it’s hard. I’m a very attractive woman. So many guys like me but they don’t know and I refuse to get close to and one and I have to tell them and get my heart broken again. And I’m definitely not messing with any one with out they knowing. So I’m just stuck HELP! I don’t want to give up but I have no choice. This is so hard. Why can’t true love just find me please. I just want to be happy and make someone else happy. I would love to meet someone with the same thing. We would appreciate each other more hopefully.

@Rob1980 I’m happy he came to his senses. Being happy is a beautiful thing! I can’t wait until I find someone and I’m happy too. I wish you guys all the best ❤️❤️

@Realityhurts just try to stay focused on your and your children the important things in life. Depression will eat you alive trust me I know. I battle with it almost everyday still and it’s been 2 years. My ex gave it to me I found out after we broke up. He knew he had it he just didn’t disclose it to me. I had a irritating spot in my butt too but my doctor didn’t think it was herpes but she just wanted to swabbed it to just to make sure. It sucks what your ex did to you. And I know huge hurt. It’s not a good feeling at all. It’s hard but it’s gets better. I use to say why me all the time , why not me? I blamed myself forever and I still do sometimes. I hated my self for so long I’m starting to love myself again l, I’m working on me and it’s a good feeling. 💕💕PM if you need someone to talk too.

Have any one you guys ever use a HSV dating site? And found someone? I’m on 2 but I’m scared to show my face. 🤦🏾‍♀️ And I don’t have any success either.I think I’m going to finally upload a picture. I finally came to the realization that if your on the site you have it too. I just don’t want my business out there. I live a small miserable city that’s loves to gossip. I just don’t want to go through with being rejected again 😔😔😔. Wish me luck guys!!!! 🙂🙃

@mr_hopp thanks for the advice, I saw him yesterday and he stated that he was sorry and he had a lot on his mind. Our energy was totally different. It wasn’t the same at all anymore. I felt so rejected. I was really in my feelings about all of this. He’s the first guy I really felt a connection with. I was lusting over him that’s all. This was the first guy that gave me butterflies and chills since my diagnosis over 2 years ago. I was still having sex with my giver up until September of last year. I felt safe and that was my comfort zone. I never let anyone come this close to me with the fear of rejection. So all those warm fuzzy feelings felt so good and perfect I guess too perfect. I guess the most confusing part for me was him having sex with me and then disappearing. That was just very odd to me. So I talk with my son’s dad about it by the way he’s not the giver just one of my best friend. I told him what happened and to please not judge me. But he said that maybe it was only about sex. He’s intentions was to have sex and he did. He said he didn’t care about my diagnosis if he did he wouldn’t of sex with me right after me disclosing. But he said it’s still confusing to him too and he said maybe he has it too. Maybe he does. I just don’t understand what person puts themselves in that situation. He stated that maybe he just wanted to have sex and by me disclosing to him is his way to ghost me after sex. It’s starting to make sense to me some. He just wanted to have sex with me no matter the cost I guess. I was all in my feelings because I thought it was because of HSV. I know this might seem stupid but I can deal with that better. I honestly feel better about the whole situation. He just keep trying to put on the role like he’s the same person. Oh well last learn. I swear I gave up at first and never wanted to disclose to any one or come close to anyone again. Buy know I’m a believer again. I will find Love!!!!! People aren’t that scared of HSV they just try to act like they are.

@100918 I haven’t heard from him tho. We texted a couple times the next day then he stopped replying and answering my calls. I texted him one last time and told him that I won’t text or call him anymore and I apologize for everything. He never replied back. I don’t know what to think. Why would he have sex with me and tell me that everything was still the same? I felt hopeful about us. I’m trying to stay positive and optimistic but it’s hard.

@glassovy I’m like you right now I disclosed and now I feel like he has rejected me. He told me that he didn’t have a problem with and he still wanted to be with me but he’s acting different. He was very much in shock tho. I feel so awful. I just wish he would have kept it real.

I really don’t know how to feel right now. I’ve been talking this guy, we live in the same but recently got acquainted with each other. Things have been moving pretty fast with us and I’ve been feeling like I’ve been really needed to tell him. Things have been getting hot and heavy lately and I haven’t had sex in about 9 months. I just feel like I was betraying him and being deceitful but I swear I’m not. He’s the first person that I’ve gotten this close too since my diagnosis. So I finally did last night he took the news ok, he was definitely in shock. We ended up having sex last night with a condom of course. But I just feel really weird now. Today he seems a dryer than usual I asked him if he had and questions or concerns, I tried my hardest to educate him too. He claims that he’s ok with and nothing change with us and he still wants us to eventually be together. But honestly I don’t know if I believe him. I’m so hurt but I am really happy that I told him. I also told him last night to please be honest and tell me if he don’t want to pursue this anymore it’s very understandable. I need some input about this.

@mr_hopp@mr_hopp thanks for the advice. I just watched the video and it makes so much since. I like his approach. I don’t want to scare him away. I have to approach him the right way I’m looking forward to a positive outcome. I’m about to watch the video again. Thanks!!!!

I finally met someone after 2 years of dealing with HSV. I don’t if it’s a summer time fling or what but it feels so right. I haven’t felt this good in a very long time. I haven’t been a man’s presence that I liked in a very long. I get butterflies when I’m around him. He keep me smiling. We took a really long walk on the beach last night. I felt normal again. We walked and talked about our past relationship and what we wanted in life. I wanted to to tell him so bad but I know it’s to early but I also know I can’t wait for ever and tell him either. How when do you disclose? I hate asking my friends or family because they don’t have it so they don’t get. They just like don’t tell him at all then one was like just cut it off before it gets to deep. I’m like I’ll never find anyone if that’s how I’m going to go about the situation. I don’t know what to do.

I’m a 38 year old black women looking for friends/dating in the Milwaukee/ Chicago area. Honestly it don’t matter where you live I’m trying to leave the mid west any way lol. I’m a single mother and a nurse looking for love, support and new friends. I was diagnosed 2 years ago and I’ve been single every since. I’m a pretty good catch where I live I’m just afraid to disclose the truth. DM if you want to chat.

Thanks I’ll check it out!

Hey I looked into meetup I’m waiting on them to accept my request to join. I just want to meet someone in the same boat as me. I feel like we might appreciate each other more. Well I hope that’s the case.

Hey where is everyone from? I’m in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Anyone from the Wisconsin or Chicago area? I’m a single black female that wants to make new friends and discuss what we have in common. I know my friends and family are tired of me. They don’t understand what I’m going through.

I’m so afraid of being lonely the rest of my life. I’m scared I’m going to die alone. I hate myself so much for letting this happen to me I know better. I’ve been praying and praying that things get better for me. It’s been 2 years and I still feel the pain like it was yesterday. I have good days and bad days I’m definitely having a bad one now. I know if I had someone in my life that would accept me I wouldn’t feel as bad. This is a hurting feeling and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I know some feel like you don’t need a person to make you complete but it’s more to it. I have no sex life, no date life no nothing just work and take care the kids. I’m happy that I’m in a position that I can take care of my kids provide a nice home and nice things for us. I just want someone in my life to make feel good again. I swear 99% of the women at my job have someone in there life. I’m the 1% that don’t. 😢😢😢 I just want to be happy and love myself again 😔😔

@Fmals It definitely sucks! 😢

@CestLaVie I’m happy that everything turned out good for you. I’m praying that I will meet someone one day and except me . I’m so lonely and depressed I don’t know to do. I’m keeping it together for the most part but it’s rough.

I told my mother first, then cousin, best friend, cousin, sister, 3 ex boyfriends lol we are still really good friends. I have two teenage daughters and I was going to tell them just to warn them and protect themselves . But they so nosey they saw it in my phone and they knew for about a year and never said anything. But I’m not mad at them for that. They found out on an accident and they hated the guy for it, which they are just now telling about. It’s crazy because know one really cares but me. I treat myself like I’m a different person but they always remind me that I’m the same person. I just wish everybody was that comfortable @My_dog_is_hungry I like what you said people lose interest when the victim doesn’t care. Your so right honestly I never thought about it like that but it’s true. When you don’t care know one else seems to cares. I’m scared to tell my co workers It’s other people I want to tell but I’m nervous. A lot of people always wonder why I’m single. I want to tell them but I’m scared. Just on how they will judge me. My co workers are nurses so the reaction might be mixed.

Has anyone had any success with online dating? Sometimes I feel like that’s my only option . But I’m to afraid to post a picture. I get messages from guys but there not my type. A lot of the guys that I see I’m just not into even when I read their profile. Some just want to hook up and that’s it. And other with potential is so far away. I’m also scared of being catfishes. I think that’s another reason why I don’t have a picture up. I had my pictured up on another dating site years before the virus and this guy saw me in public and called my name I was so nervous and scared.......Should we stick to the same standards we had before our diagnosis? I feel like we should but then part of me says woman be happy that someone is interested in you 😔. I don’t want to lower my standards just because I want love but then part of me tells me that you have to compromise. I just don’t want to settle for less at all. I did that with my giver for a year and half no more! What’s a good dating site that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. I’m a nurse so, I just want to meet a nice successful guy between the age 32-45. I’m 38 but I don’t look at all. I just want to be happy and healthy.

So I am a Black women from the Midwest and I was diagnosed 2 years ago. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster ever since. My closets friends and family know about my condition. They all are very cool about it honestly, it’s nothing to them and I’m so happy for that. They love me unconditionally. I live in a small community and I’m scared to death to disclose it. A lot of guys try to talk to me but I keep my distance. I’m so afraid that they won’t accept me and they will talk about me and tell everyone. My Ex gave this to me and he didn’t disclose it at all. It seems like people talk down on this more than HIV where I come from. Every one thinks that your nasty without knowing how you contracted the virus. I’m so lonely and depressed I don’t know what to do. Some days I think I’m going to honestly go insane because I know I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. And I’m only 38. I’m a nurse at a hospital and I work with a lot of women and everybody has someone in their life except for me. Some days I just cry and cry it hurt so bad. My question really is do other races have trouble with acceptance and disclosing? Are Black men accepting of the virus? I’m not trying to make this a racial thing at all I swear I’m not I’m just wondering. Maybe it’s not my race just where I live IDK but it’s horrible. Some days I hate myself so much for what he did to me. I just want my life back and to be happy again . I’ve given up hope and I want to regain it again. 😢😢💔💔

Thanks @FlowerChild.... well said those words were very encouraging. I have to start believing in me again and face my fears. I need to face the fact that this is me and there's no getting around. I am a wonderful person. I love my life and I love my children. I'm believing in me again and I'm go start back living and enjoying life again. Thank you so much. ❤❤❤

@Flower Power you just made me cry. I swear I wish I was strong and brave. Sometimes I want to yell it to the world and see what everyone's reaction will be. I live in a small town and people talk about this as the worst thing ever. I'm ashamed and afraid. I'm a nurse and hearing how other nurses talk about people with diseases upsets me at times. Some of my family and closest friends knew right away. I went into a bad depression. I disclosed to this guy he took it well but he cut me off right afterwards. He's someone that I would have loved to be with. But oh well. I just ask God to please give me the strength and courage to get over my ex. This is not healthy for me at all. @HikingGirl I wish it was that easy for me. I just want them feelings to be gone so bad. Every time he see me easing away he comes back into my life. I just to be able to tell him NO! And mean it. I just be feeling like know ines going to want me. I swear where I live people talk about this so much. Work, social media, even when I'm at at the beauty salon. Especially since the whole thing with Usher. The only time I feel good about the situation is when I'm with my ex. I don't have to pretend or be scared. I wish it wasn't like this. I just want to get off him and live life again.

@FlowerPower thanks! I just can't wait to wake up one day and all the feelings that I have for him are gone . I will be so happy. I swear sometimes I just want to shout what I have to the world. But then I don't I'm afraid of how people will view me. Have you had to disclose to anyone if so how was it? Any advice?

So my Ex keeps popping in and out of my life ans it's so confusing. This last time he just stop dealing with me for 2-3 weeks with out any explanation or anything. I was so hurt and devastated. I love him so much but I think I'm only dealing with him because he have me herpes. I don't want to have to disclose to anyone I'm scared of rejection. Especially because of where I work and my job title. He just came back around telling me how much he loves me and he wants us to work things out and how much of a good women I am. He still has never acknowledged that fact that he gave it to me. I honestly thinks he's in denial. He won't admit that he has it. So he drops a bomb on me and tells me he has a baby on the way. My heart dropped . We've been broken up for 7 months but we've been back in each other's lives the last 2 months. He's telling me that he don't want the baby at all but he do what's right and take care of it. He also said he doesn't want to be with the mother either. He said that's why he fell back from me for this couple weeks because he didn't want to hurt me and he didn't know how to tell me because we we're just getting back on the right track. So I told him we will work things out and discuss things deeper if we decide to be together. I told him I would support him. Just as long as him and her are truly over. I swear I love this man so much but I do always know that I wouldn't have stuck around that long after we ended the relationship. We been talking about the future buying a house getting a business together. But now he's acting funny again and being short with me. Last week he spent the night with every night expect for 2. He has his own place. I swear I just hate that I have this. I feel like I'm only putting up with this because of what he gave me. I don't want to pass this on to anyone so I only deal with him. It's so much that I love about him. He keep saying he's so stressed and going through a lot. I don't even know what to think about us anymore. Life is just so much easier without this. He thinks he's stressed I am too. I just don't know what to do? I'm so scared I'll be alone forever. This is a hurting feeling. I'm a good woman and I have a lot to offer someone.