@Thisismyusername I was also only 17 when I was diagnosed and I felt the exact same way as you. Once your first OB passes, it gets better, the 1st is always the worst. As for your emotional turmoil, I completely understand. For a long time I genuinely worried that no one would ever be able to love me but, through experience, I came to realize this simply isn't true. There are some truly amazing people out there. But the good ones always take a little longer to find, don't lose hope! They're out there! I have had two loves since my diagnosis and both of them saw past the stigma of H and saw me for me. It wasn't always easy, and during the really hard parts I often asked "why me?" But I have also come to learn that this question is really not important. It will only drive you crazy. Instead, try to find a bright side. I know this seems IMPOSSIBLE but its not. For example, my H has allowed me to find partners who value me for who I am and not just for a shallow sexual connection. But first I think its really important to value yourself in this way. YOU HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER! You're a valuable, intelligent, good person. I think the trick is to not let H define you, you're still your normal self, that hasn't changed. Don't think of yourself as someone who has herpes, you are so much more, H is just one tiny part of you. Practice self-love and be patient, it gets better with time.