So I found out about 4 months ago, less than a month before my 17th birthday, that I have genital herpes. I had been in a sexual relationship with my first boyfriend for six months before I came down with a really bad "flu" - the nurse sent me home from school because she suspected that I had strep throat. Well...it wasn't the flu as shortly after my swollen lymph nodes was accompanied by a horrible burn and itch in my crotch and a small crop of blisters days later. I told my mom who couldn't hide the look of concern on her face and we went to the gyno days later. The gyno took one look and said
"Yup, you have herpes" - I could feel the blood drain from my face and my heart completely sink - someone like me does not have herpes, I had only slept with one person! I held in my tears the whole appointment until I bawled my eyes out in the car on the way home and the next few days after. I feel so sad and alone about this because I've only slept with one person ever and I feel like I have been robbed of a normal sex life by this one person.
Anyways, I stayed with my-ex for about three months after, mainly because I felt like damaged goods and that no one else would want me. While we were together, I didn't really think much about the herpes but now that we recently broke up and I'm talking to a new boy. I don't know what to do because I really like this boy but he is a virgin and would never understand. I feel like I'm getting that earth shattering diagnosis all over. I mean I'm still in high school and I feel so alone because I doubt anyone else has it (most people in my grade are virgins) and no one is even educated enough about herpes to really understand. I know that this boy will not sleep with me if he finds out and I'm okay with that. I want to tell this boy to get it off my chest. But I know that it would spread so fast at school and people would think I'm dirty and disgusting. I really don't want to feel any worse about myself than I already do. But I know I can't sleep with him without telling him, no matter how low the risks may be with precaution. I would have run for the hills if I knew my ex had herpes before I slept with him, so how can I think anyone my age is any different? Who would risk their entire sex life at my age for someone with herpes? I wouldn't.
I just feel so consumed with resentment and anger that this has happened. I feel so alone because no one in high school will understand. My mom tries to be supportive but her teary eyes whenever the topic comes up are not reassuring. On top of that, my own sister wouldn't even use the same towel as me! Its been a roller coaster of emotions - some days I'm fine and others I feel devastated.
I really just need support. I need to know that things will be okay.