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paige

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Everything posted by paige

  1. Well I talked to him about how I had been rejected before and that I was scared to tell him because I didn't want that feeling again. I also told him to be honest with me because I can take the truth. I feel like he just kind of avoided the topic. He told me he accepted me and he wasn't going to reject me because of this. I guess he understands that I had no choice in this matter and that it does not define me. But I'm still kind of uneasy about the situation I feel like he now has the the power to hold my condition over my head and that scares me worse than telling him did. I really like him but I'm scared to like him. I don't want to get hurt again I'm not ready for that. The guy who gave the H to me hurt me so bad that ever since I really haven't even tried to have real feelings for anyone. I'm just not sure how to feel.
  2. well i told him.....he said hes more mad at himself than he is at me.
  3. Thanks Swampy that helps. I have had to tell a few guys since I found out I had it but no one has been as Important to me as he is. What you said makes me feel better and I will really try and be brave about this like you were. I hope he thinks I'm worth it just like your boyfriend does.
  4. Thank you Adrial that's exactly what i needed to hear I really appreciate the words of wisdom.......now to muster up the guts to tell him.
  5. Thanks, I know its best to tell him and I do plan on telling him asap. I'm just not sure how to tell him. I need help!
  6. So I haven't been on the forum in a while because I have been doing alright and I have been really busy with life. I messed up tho and I need help figuring this out. The other night I went out for my birthday and I drank a little too much. At the end of the night I ended up going home with this guy that I really like and we ended up having sex. I had been planning on disclosing to him before anything happened and I was waiting for the right time. i was not in my right mind and I wasn't able to tell him in that moment. I still plan on telling him but I'm scared that hes going to be angry at me for not telling him ahead of time. I'm just not sure how to approach him about this. I really do like him and I can't stand the fact that i didn't disclose before this happened. If anybody has any advise as to how I should approach this and what I should say to him I would really appreciate it. I am not looking for anyone to comment about me being a bad person for not telling him. keep those comments to yourself please because i do plan on telling him. just help please!!!!
  7. Hey Everyone So I just have a little story to tell. I'm slightly confused. I was doing some research on the differences between HSV 1 and 2 genital and oral and I came to realize that I was never told whether I had type 1 or 2. So I called the clinic where I was tested at and asked to speak to a nurse hoping that sh would know what Ii was talking about and be able to check my lab records. conversation went a little like this: me: hello I am calling about some lab results from a couple weeks ago I have some questions nurse: ok whats your question? me: well I was diagnosed with HSV but never told if it was type 1 or 2 can you look it up for me? nurse: well what were your symptoms? me: genital sores nurse: well then its genital herpes me: I know that but is it type 1 or 2? nurse: I don't know what you are talking about and if Ii did Ii couldn't give you that information over the phone me: :(( (hangs up the phone) So is it just me or are health care professionals seriously misinformed? From my understanding there is a difference between HSV 1 and 2 and you can get either of them in opposing regions. My doctor told me that lately he has seen a higher prevalence of genital HSV 1. I also read that if you have HSV and it is in the area that it normally doesn't choose to reside in then you will likely have less outbreaks. is this true? I feel like I should know what type I have so that Ii can know the statistics behind it. Am I wrong to want to know? hopefully Ii can hear from someone who has some more experience with this than my self. I'm still very new to this. Paige
  8. Beckie, Tank you for your kind words they are much appreciated. I'm glad I found this forum because if I didn't I would literally be in this all alone. Here I have people to learn from and get support from and I don't have that anywhere else right now. Its been really tough few weeks. I'm waiting for a day to come when I don't feel like I could break down in tears at any moment.....I know it will come in time and I think that if I stay here for support, peace will come to me sooner. I know I need to look this thing in the face and fight the control it has over my life right now. And that's what I'm trying to do :| thanks again Paige
  9. Thank you Kymell for your response. I see people saying that getting H is a "blessing in disguise" all the time.....I guess I just don't get it yet because I am so new to this I just don't see anything good in this yet. But hopefully someday I can find some good in it. I recently disclosed to someone and I think I was rejected, I'm not really sure. I just know that its not a good feeling and I pray that it won't always be like that. I really appreciate your encouragement thanks
  10. Your welcome Saliha. Glad I could help :) it inspired me so I hoped it would do the same for others.
  11. My little brother shared this video on facebook. I thought it might brighten someones day. Listen to the words he says closely. Even if you aren't religious I think that what this guy has to say can make you feel a little better. :D Stay Beautiful Paige
  12. http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment Here this is a link to a video that talks about natural treatments for an outbreak and it has a list of some things you can put on the blisters to help them heal faster and sooth pain. I hope you feel better asap.
  13. I guess it all begins with my childhood. I don't blame any of this on my parents they taught me to make better decisions but I was a very sheltered child so when time came to make a decision temptation was screaming my name. In high school i only dated two people.....and then I lost my virginity to my best guy friend the summer before my senior year. After that I decided that I wasn't going to do it again until I found someone who really meant a lot to me. I experienced almost nothing in high school no real sex, no drinking, no parties just a couple boyfriends that lasted maybe a few months or so. So when I got to college on the other side of the country I didn't quite know how to act. I was getting so much more attention from guys than I had ever before. That might have something to do with the fact that I am a white female on an HBCU campus (historically black college/university). But what I'm getting at is that I got to college and pretty much did whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted. This only lasted a year tho, eventually I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself "what the hell are you doing?". I got my act together and gradually I was becoming the woman that I wanted to be. The girl with a boyfriend that she is faithful to. From then on if I was going to be intimate with someone then they would be the only person for me at that time. And that's how its been for two years I have been learning to keep to myself and commit to who and what is important to me. I hate what I let myself become and I have always in the back of my mind felt shame and doubt. I was silly to think that all those guys cared for me.....but I really did think that. I was so naive at that time. And this is where it really starts. I was diagnosed about 3 weeks ago now. Here I am finally a senior in college and finally feeling better about myself and accepting that the past is the past and the future is so bright. I finished up my junior year about a month ago and almost immediately met a guy that I liked so so so much. He was so different from other guys because he actually wanted to know me. He would ask me questions all the time about my life, my goals, and my past. He hated my past but he accepted it as the past. None of the guys from my past wanted to know me the way he did. He made me feel like I was actually worth something....and I hadn't felt that way in a while. So yes we ended up having sex, and it felt so good to be with someone who seemed to actually care about my mind and not just my body. We did it for 3 or 4 nights in a row, here's where the H comes into play. I started feeling sore down there like i had been rubbed raw or got a tear. And so I looked and I saw what looked like a tear but it hurt sooooo bad, I started having a fever, body aches, random sharp pains everywhere, my throat was sore and swollen. So I went to the doctor and told him about the cut in my vaginal area he did and exam and swabbed the area. He told me right then and there before the tests were even ran, that he was 99% sure that it was herpes. My world fell apart.... I called the guy that I had been with and he came to me right away and lay with me, he let me cry in his arms and he tried to comfort me. He promised me that no matter what the results were that he would be there for me and that we would get through it together. That simple promise gave me hope. Two days later I got my results back and of course they were positive. I told the guy and he got tested about 4 days later. His blood results were negative so I told him he needs to get tested again in a few months. A month before all of this happened I was tested for all the STDs and my herpes blood test came back negative. Since the test he was the only guy that I have been with. So either I had it all along and just didn't have enough antibodies in my blood to show up, or he has it and his antibodies aren't showing up because he has never had an outbreak. I don't want to sit around and wrack my brain as to who gave it to who....but it really would be nice to know. After I got my diagnosis we got in a big fight because I found a flat iron and a dress in his room that did not belong to me. I was very serious with him and told him that he can't go around with other girls until he gets his results back. He just didn't understand. He never understood why I was so upset he said "its just a little blister every once in a while, we can deal with this". The fight we got in changed him. He got his negative results back and pretty much dipped out of my life. So now I'm here....dealing with this on my own. I'm trying to find beauty in myself again....I feel so ugly but I know I'm not. Every time I go out I meet a new guy that wants to "get to know me".....but I have been trying to keep my distance from people I just cant stand the thought of someone getting too close and then running away when I disclose to them. I feel so lonely sleeping alone every night when in the past I could have someone next to me anytime i wanted. I look into the future and I don't know what I see anymore. I know what I want to see, but its just not there. I have a history of depression and its back in full effect. I'm loosing weight because I just don't want to eat. I have been drinking a lot and that helps but I know its not right because at the end of the night H is still on my mind. I try to be around people as much as possible to keep my mind off of it, but truthfully there's only one person I want to be around and hes just not there. I just want to feel happy and beautiful again. For the first time in a long time the future scares the hell out of me. It feels like this lonely state is never ending and my carefree life is gone. I don't want to be alone but I'm so scared of telling people and I know if I'm going to tell someone they have to be someone special. I know I shouldn't be sitting here feeling sorry for myself because my life has so much promise and I have so much time to live it. I just can't help the way I feel and I'm so new to everything. It gets better right? I wish I had the answers to the questions spinning in my head.
  14. haha a glass case of emotion.....sounds like my life right now. but this made me laugh :-))
  15. Thank you Adrial for the uplifting words still feel so very lost in all of this....like I'm looking for something that isn't there. But in the few days that I have been on here I have started to be a little more accepting of myself. I know it will all come in time and I know that anything you have to say to me is of value to me and my healing process. :) And yes I do believe I may have found an (h) buddy in Jassabell.
  16. Hello, I think the Idea of a buddy is a great idea. I was only diagnosed about 2 weeks ago so I am new to this and may not have much advice to offer but I am a good listener. I am here to give and take support. And as much as I am just beginning to deal with this I still think I can be there for someone no matter what. I am a 20 year old, female, college student. I attend school in the Greensboro area of North Carolina and I would love an H Buddy male ore female who is looking for support and also willing to give support. So anyone who wants to contact me go ahead.
  17. I also really don't understand how I got herpes. About 2 months ago my blood was tested for herpes and my results were negative. Since then I have only had sex with this one guy. But the sketchy thing is that his blood results came back negative. Is it possible that he gave it to me but the virus just isn't in his blood yet or maybe Ii had it when my blood was tested but the antibodies just weren't there yet....I have no idea everything is confusing to me.
  18. Hi everyone I was diagnosed only two weeks ago and I'm struggling with life right now. I feel so alone in this, I am a 20 year old college student, thousands of miles from home. When I first found out that I might have herpes a promise was made to me by the guy who more than likely gave it to me. He said "no matter what the results are I promise to be there for you". I am dealing well with the actual herpes itself all my symptoms are gone, but that promise is whats really getting to me. My results came back positive and the promise was broken feels kinda like it broke my heart too. I just needed a shoulder to cry on and he wasn't there. I guess he had a different way of dealing with it and didn't understand why I was so upset. So I told my best friend about it and she has really been there for me. But I know that she really doesn't understand what I'm going through. I guess I came here for that reason....because I have no one to talk to who understands my situation. I have felt so alone for the past few weeks. I know it might take some time for me to accept what has happened to me but as of now all I want to do is cry and run because when I run the shameful voices in my head go away. I'm here for support and to support others too, I'm here to learn, and I'm here to hopefully find strength in myself. I am willing to talk and even more willing to listen. So if anyone has some uplifting words or advice for me as someone new to this whole thing I would appreciate it so much. Thanks
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