EricaBlue

Two of my favourites - "Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like." Will Smith "My choice is what i chose to do; and if I'm causin no harm, it shouldn't bother you. Your choice is who you chose to be; and if your causin to harm, then your alright with me." Ben Harper - burn one down

So glad to hear this happened for you. I think it's a turning point. The way you described your life in Miami in another post...work gym eat sleep...sounded exactly like my friend described his life after he found out. Like he was living in a fog. It went on for a couple of years. Then he met someone who took a risk with him...accepted his state. She "unlocked" him he said. Seems maybe your friend did the same for you. Things will begin to brighten for you now.

Dis-ease. Perfect. Sexy back is one of my favs too. And the care in yourself like taking time to look and feel great. That completely works to turn your head around. Thanks for the chit chat here too. Feels so good that others 'get it'.

I had symptoms exactly like a uti 3 days after I contracted it. Heavy achey lower abdomen, pink pee, burning during urination, white blood cells, fever, chills. I was even treated for a uti initially. But since then haven't experienced those symptoms at all.

Hi tNd I can completely relate to what you say you feel. I've always been extremely physical and when I first found out I totally shut down....to others and to myself. Physically and emotionally. All of it. I couldn't even bring myself to 'look after' myself. I didn't even have the urge at all for nearly a month. I was kind of numb. I honestly honestly thought I'll never feel clean or sexy or desirable again. I believed that to the core. It was over. I remember watching a scene in a tv show at that point. Do you know house of cards with Kevin spacey? He was going down on his young reporter friend. It's a captivating scene anyway but It sticks in my mind so clearly. I would never enjoy or experience any of that again. I was sooooo low. But.......it passes! You will come around. Slowly but surely you will. I can't say how long it will take you. I didn't have a supportive loving man in my life at that point like you do so maybe it won't be too long for you. So many factors affect the healing process I suppose. In any case, know you'll get your sexy back! Just a matter of time.

Yes it does. Especially when you use the car accident analogy. I guess I was getting stuck in the meaning of percent and getting worried about inevitabilities. Thanks for some piece of mind!

So if I've got my stats correct if I take a daily anti viral and have my herpes free partner wear a condom, there's about a 1% chance of transmission. Now, does that mean that if I have sex with him 100 times he'll likely contract it?

Just watched this video....wow. I was really moved. Moved enough to step out of my closet just a little more today by posting a picture. Scary but feels right at the same time. Thanks

Thanks so much to everyone for their encouraging and supportive responses and personal stories. I'm still surprised by how much these exchanges help in such a massive way. A few weeks ago I'd never have imagined. Today has been one of my best days in the last month. I know this mutual sharing played a big part. I'm so thankful for this forum!!

Hi cr I'm glad you took the step to open up about your situation. I really think it will help you move onto acceptance and ultimately being truly peaceful with your new reality - one which we all share! I hope you're coming to see that we all need things at different times in our lives but that does not make us needy or dependant. It just means you are looking for support at a difficut time. That's ok. It's natural and you'll pay it forward in time. Nobody needs to validate that you are ok. You are as is and will continue to be. However, based on my own experience, it does take some time to realize that. I'm not there yet either but I know it will come now based on the accounts people have shared in this forum. In other words I guess I've acknowledged hope. My feeling is that's the beginning of healing. Maybe you've got a little glimmer of it? I can imagine acquiring hsv in the way that you did may be extra difficult, mostly around being betrayed by a friend. I assume from your story that he didn't disclose to you. Maybe he didnt know. In any case it's a challenging situation to come to terms with; but I really do think you will in time. You've begun by sharing your story here. Your level of transparency in this forum is the level that's right for you at this point. Share as is comfortable for you at the moment. I'm very new to this myself but I can already see its a process to full acceptance and peace with this. Everyone has their own pace and unique steps to take. You'll likely get a chance to know yourself very well as you take the opportunity to look at yourself close up. Maybe it won't be as terrifying as you think! I agree with you - my sense is that this is a step forward for you. It will get better and better. Maybe not all at once and maybe not in a linear way. But ultimately better.

Thanks for sharing this Lelani - and for the virtual hugs! Logically what you and the others say makes sense so ill have to work through 'feelings' till i can get to the otherside. Itll come. Such a strange place to be. One of a majority, the majority of which have no idea.

Hey jessi Feel ur pain. It's been 5 weeks since I was diagnosed with herpes. Now I'm sure I have hpv too. All from a one nighter with the same 'donor'. I'm having such a hard time here. If one wasn't enough. I'm going to the doctor on Monday to confirm. It's like I'm in an alternate reality. I'm having a harsh Time dealing. I read Adrials stats and judiths response but I still feel all alone. Sooo alone. How are you making out?

Hi lelani Thanks for your thoughtful response. My spot is lonely in the romantic sense but I'll always respect and love my husband as a wonderful friend. He's the best kind of man. It's just many years ago I lost the physical attraction to him. I don't understand why but its just been in the last couple of years that I've accepted that as is and have stopped blaming it on extraneous things. It just is and has been for so long. We have discussed all this and have stopped sex and sleeping together a while ago. My anxiety level has dropped off significantly since I don't feel obligated to have sex with him anymore. I don't have hope of rekindling but sometimes I think he does. For now we are able to live peacefully and cooperatively and raise our family. I am grateful for this because a separation right now would be financially devastating. That all said we have not discussed seeing other people. I'm not sure if he has or if he knows that I have. We live separate social lives for the most part. For this reason I have not told him that I have herpes. I suspect that telling him that I have both had sex with someone else and have herpes might be a little overwhelming. Plus based on history I worry that he'll share with his family and friends and I can't face that right now. Anyway that's where it is for now. Not sure what else to do short term but take it day by day. Except maybe lose some of the negativity like you say. Others have said the same to me. It's a real struggle but I'm trying since I know it's not productive. Anyway, thank you so much for listening. It's so helpful for me right now as I'm sure you know. Hope you are all settled in your new town, that things are going great and that you got that job! Take good care Lelani.

I was recently handed herpes by a man who I now know has views similar to yours. When I think about the psychological turmoil I've struggled with since my first infection I can't help but feel a little anger when I read your post. Denying a person a choice by not disclosing is possibly permenantly changing their lives without them knowing. Who has the right to do that to anyone? You said you were depressed when you first found out. Can you not empathize with how your partners may feel if they acquire the virus? I guess I just don't understand where you are coming from both from the health and safety of youself and that of others. I know its just casual sex in most cases for you (and believe me im a big fan of that) but in those cases a person places significant trust in you by doing so. In my mind your choices completely disrespect that. Maybe it's cause my experience is so fresh and I don't know what it's like 'out there' yet. I don't know. Maybe in a few months ill be conducting myself as you are. Again I don't know. I've only lived with it a month now. Nowhere near 4 years. All I can say is at this point I'd have a hard time having sex with someone, casual or not, without handing them a choice through disclosure - as hard and as frightening as that is. And by the way if a friend of mine showed interest in the guy who have me herpes you can bet your ass i'd tell her. I wish I'd had a friend like that the night i went home with him and I venture you do too.

Lelani - You can't know how much your post has just helped me just now - given me hope, motivation, promise, and a will to turn around the negativity that has washed over me since I was told I had herpes nearly 3 weeks ago. For the last three weeks I've given up I guess. Stopped caring for my body and mind, rejected my friends, taken sick days just because, and overall accepted that I'd be alone forever. After all, who'd want me this way? Really. Today was really hard. It was a beautiful hot day and my friends were encouraging me to go for drinks after work. Weeks ago I'd have loved this. Today it depressed me. I feel so different from my friends now. So alone. So unworthy of any male attention I might draw and hopeless that it could ever lead anywhere. I declined and went home. I overate supper and laid around and hung out with my kids, who are my bright spot. :) I'm in my mid 40s and in the last couple of years my husband and I have grown apart to the point where we don't have sex at all. We are living together peacefully and raising our kids. Thing is I've been lonely for romantic company and as a result took on a few partners one if which gave me herpes. I was just beginning to come out of my shell so to speak. I was having a lot of luck attracting men and was building a confidence in that like I had never had in my younger days. It felt so good! And now this. To be handed herpes at this moment at the beginning of summer when I had so much to look forward to took me out at the knees. When I was reading your words I felt a spark of my old self. Just a little one but one nonetheless. That person who derives energy, happiness, and mental health from looking and feeling great and that person who knows how and is willing to do what it takes to get there. I'd lost that recently. What's the point is what I'd think. I've been in an isolating fog since I heard. I've told two of my dearest friends and the man who I'm certain passed this to me. All three have been helpful in their own ways. Everyone else in my life can tell I'm not right but I can't bring myself to share it yet. In any case I feel like maybe I'm passing through the dark time. I'm not naive enough to think things will be eternally rosey from this point but just having a little hope that I may connect with someone great makes a difference. One step at a time I suppose. Reconnecting with life, health, work, family, friends, etc. will help me regain strength and hope for a full, happy future, and reading your words has given me incentive to begin that process. Anyway I just wanted to let you know how you reached me today with your story and to thank you for sharing it. I'm gonna be ok.

I had sex once with someone I casually knew for about a year. I pushed for a condom but eventually relented. He preferred without. We've spoken since and he insists he's never had sores and neither have any of the women he's previously been with and he's never been troubled by genital herpes. I have never experienced anything like this in the past and although I can't prove it (what does it matter anyway) I'm sure he passed it to me. I'm not sure what to believe at this point. Sometimes I feel like he knew and took a risk with me. Sometimes I feel like he passed it unknowingly but is not acknowledging now that he's infected. It's hard to tell. Sometimes despite all this I feel like going back to him because I feel hopelessly unwanted. My first episode was diminished to say the least since I have been taking antivirals for cold sores and already having hsv1 can diminish your first hsv2 episode, or so I've read. I had no pain and one simple suspect spot which I thought might be an ingrown hair or something. My visit to my dr led to a visual diagnosis but no swab was taken of the spot. I'm still not sure why. Suffice to say that I'm I'm unfamiliar territory here. I'm sure I have this virus but slightly unsure at this point too. Maybe you'd call it hopeful. I range through emotions of acceptance to depression to anger within a moment. Anyway, I've turned to all of you at this point for guidance, support, reassurance, and whatever else there is. In turn I'll help any of you out if I can.

Hi everyone. This is all new to me. My doctor gave me the news about 3 weeks ago now based on a physical exam. I've not had confirmation by a blood or swab test. I'm a wreck. All so much to handle and I feel so alone. Hoping to get or give support through this. I'm a female in my mid forties and live in Atlantic Canada.