dlacinda

So I had posted about a week ago seeking advice on disclosing. I found out just recently that I'm positive for HSV-2, and at first I was having some difficulty coming to terms with this information. I was especially dreading the first time having to disclose to someone. I have since done a ton of research and talked to a lot of people, and now having HSV-2 no longer feels like the end of the world. It almost seems silly now that my initial reaction was so morbid. It's so common and it's just a virus. The stigma of it is simply ridiculous. It doesn't devalue me or take away all of the great qualities that I have. Unfortunately, feeling this way still didn't make the uncomfortableness of disclosing to someone any more appealing. But I did it, for the first time, and it couldn't have gone any better. I was hanging out last night at this guys house that I have been on a few dates with. We have great chemistry and I haven't felt so comfortable with someone in a long time. We were watching a movie and he leaned over to kiss me. We kissed pretty passionately for a while and he asked if I wanted to stay the night, and I really wanted to. But I knew I wouldn't feel right staying the night without telling him first about my situation, even though I had no intentions of doing anything besides kissing just yet. So I told him that I wanted to talk to him about something first. I asked him if he had been tested since his last partner for all possible STIs, and he said yes. He told me that he had tested negative for everything and had the results if I wanted to see them. I proceeded to tell him that I had been tested since my last partner, and before I could finish my sentence he looked at me and said, "Herpes?". I said yes, that I just recently found out. He calmly explained to me that he's aware of how common it is, that he even has friends who have it. He told me he had been with a girl before who told him afterwards that she had it, and he went to get tested and was negative for it. He told me that it doesn't bother him at all and that it's really not a big deal to him. I asked him if he was sure, and that he wasn't just saying this to make me feel better. He looked at me and smiled and said no, it's not a big deal and didn't change how he felt about me. So I stayed the night, had a wonderful time just talking and kissing and cuddling. I can tell that his feelings for me are still exactly the same and he wants to continue hanging out. I hope that things work out in the long term because I really like this guy so far, but even if they don't this gives me a lot of hope for the future. I know that not every disclosure will go this smoothly. Some guys may panic, or decide that they just don't want to take the risk. But I know that there will be just as many guys who are going to be unbothered by it. There will be guys who do their research on it and decide that it is worth the risk. There will even be guys that have it too. I don't feel like my dating life will change much at all because of this, and that is a great feeling. Even if the day comes that I disclose to someone and have to face rejection, I know that I will be fine. I will not let it impact my overall happiness or make me stop dating for fear of rejection. HSV-2 is not going to define who I am, and I refuse to let a virus dictate how I live my life. I hope that someone reads this and can take something positive from my first disclosure story. Reading all of the posts on here has been a huge comfort for me personally. I don't feel scared or alone. I feel like I am a part of this community of amazing, strong individuals who have to overcome the unfortunate stigma of having HSV-2. If anything, having HSV-2 in a weird way has made me feel even more secure with who I am. It's forced me to really look at all of the good things I have to offer. I hope that others who are struggling with this can someday feel the same :)

@Regularguy Yeah, I feel like it may be easier to disclose over a text because then I can write it all out and word it exactly the way I want to. Doing it in person will be so much more nerve wracking for me, and I'm already an anxious person as it is. I feel like I'll go into it knowing what I want to say, and then letting my emotions and nervousness take over and it will all come out wrong. My only fear with doing it over a text is that the person may not be sympathetic, and show it to their friends and make a joke of me. But I will definitely give you an update on my first disclosure. I have a date set up with both of the guys I mentioned for later this week and I've decided that these will be the last dates before I disclose with them. I think one of them I will try telling in person, and the other I will text. I will give all of the details afterwards. Please wish me luck lol. And thank you for your man-splination!

@optimist Yeah, I suppose I will just have to experiment with different ways of disclosing and find out what makes me the most comfortable. I think I would have a hard time with texting about it, but who knows. Maybe that will actually become my preferred way of doing it. This is just all so new to me. I definitely couldn't wait until right when we're about to be intimate either. Not only would that completely ruin the moment, I feel like the other person would definitely feel put on the spot and potentially upset that I waited until that moment to tell them. Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your input with me. I'm so happy I found this forum, I feel so much less alone now.

@Regularguy Thank you so much for your response! I'm really happy to hear that your girlfriend was so supportive and appreciated your honesty. I would definitely never be intimate with someone without first letting them know about my situation. No matter how uncomfortable the conversation will be, I know I have to have it eventually. I'm just so terrified. I hope that it gets easier over time. I guess that would be really helpful actually, to first ask them if they have ever had any experiences with an STD. Then to disclose from there. @optimist It makes me feel a lot better that you have had positive outcomes from disclosing. How do you normally go about disclosing? Do you do it over text, on the phone, or in person? Which seems to work best for you?

I went to see my doctor last week for my yearly physical, and decided it may be a good idea to get tested for any and all sexually transmitted infections, as I had not been tested in over a year. I've known for years that I have HSV-1. I'm pretty sure I got it from my roommate, and long time friend, possibly after sharing drinks or something of that nature. My doctor called me on Monday and informed me that in addition to HSV-1, I now also have HSV-2. I already contacted my last partner, and have mutually established that he was the giver. This week has taken a toll on my emotions. The reality of it comes in waves. One moment I think that I've done my research, and I can get through this. The worst part is the stigma. It's just a nuisance skin virus. It's not the end of the world. Then the anxiety and depression kicks in, and my head is filled with thoughts about how no one will ever want me. I keep thinking about all of the rejection I will have to deal with. I enjoy dating, and I'm not prepared for how this is going to affect my dating life. I consider myself an attractive girl, not to sound conceited, but I never have issues meeting attractive men. I have Tinder, and I am still actively dating and seeing people. There is one person in particular I have been talking to for a few weeks now. I can tell he really likes me, and I would love to see where things go with him. I'm just so afraid of the moment I finally have to sit down and tell him that I have genital herpes. I'm wondering if I should even continue seeing him because we know some of the same people, and I don't know if I can face the humiliation of him rejecting me and possibly sharing that information with people that know me. Then there is another guy I am seeing who is incredibly sweet and seems very mature, and we have so much in common. We've only been on a few dates, but I know that if I didn't have HSV-2, he would probably want to seriously date me. I just don't know what to do. I don't know when to tell them, or what to say, or how to deal with what I feel is inevitable rejection. I've read a lot of successful disclosure stories on here, but I'm scared that I'll never get to tell one of those. I really just need someone to talk to. I'm scared to tell my friends because I feel like they will be supportive, but they won't understand what I am going through. I know that I shouldn't, but I can't help feeling like I'm damaged goods now and that no guy I meet will ever be able to really look past this.