saywhatnow

Hi everybody! First off, thank you so much for developing this forum. After my diagnosis, this has been super helpful in finding a lot of helpful basic information. I had some additional questions if anyone is able to help out. I’m not sure if my situation is just weird or that my sleuthing skills are seriously sub-par. Haha. So I was diagnosed with HSV1 a couple weeks ago by blood test. I had been seeing a guy for a few weeks starting a couple months ago. We were both tested before hand and negative for everything including blood tests for HSV1 &2. We were not exclusive though so long story short, he met someone else and contracted it from them while we were seeing each other. He contacted me a couple weeks ago and told me that he had tested positive for GHSV1 via swab from visible lesions that appeared shortly after out last time together. I had no lesions that were visible so I had a blood test drawn which came back positive for HSV1. 1) Will I ever know exactly where I have it? I’m worried because I didn’t really notice any lesions but I also wasn’t really looking for several weeks after the fact. Did I “miss my chance” as I’ve read HSV1 often can only have a single out break or no noticeable outbreak? I’ve been to my doctor and had her look where I thought I saw something but she couldn’t see anything on her exam. 2) How do I disclose this to future partners? I mean I don’t really want to say “ Hey so I have this disease that is super common but highly stigmatized and I’m not really sure where it is.” One place has a higher risk of spreading but the other one has way more stigma. Its like some game of sex Russian roulette with a dose of catch-22. 3) Follow up question on disclosure. My doctor (whose clinic specializes in sexual health) told me that HSV1 does not spread easily if it is genital and if I am not having symptoms, the risk is so low that I don’t need to disclose. She went and confirmed with the other doctors in her office who said the same thing. It seems like that is a common consensus held by other specialists that I could find online like Dr. Handsfield. So if I contracted it genitally, does that mean I am just super unlucky?? Or was it because it was around his primary outbreak when viral load is the highest? I just don’t know how I can say in good conscience to someone that genital- genital HSV1 transmission is “super low” when that is likely how I contracted it. 4) I am a numbers person and the handouts have been super helpful (thanks Adrial)! I’m just not sure how to fully interpret the numbers in regards to transmission as they are primarily for heterosexual couples with HSV2, if I’m not mistaken, and I am a homosexual male with HSV1. Any advice? Sorry for the long post, I just don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. I’m trying to stay positive but all this uncertainty is driving me nuts. Thanks in advance to anyone who can help!