Jump to content

Nigella

Members
  • Posts

    19
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Nigella's Achievements

0

Reputation

  1. I watched that yesterday. Awesome message.
  2. Just an update - things are still going great with the guy. Soon after the post we slept together and have been having tons of the most amazing sex ever since. We talk or see each other every day. He regularly tells me how crazy he is about me and how much he cares about me. He wants to meet my sister and brother in law this weekend, since they live in town. Yay! Sometimes I wonder if the best thing that could've happened to me and this relationship is H. I doubt I would've gone into it the same way, so slowly and carefully and I truly think it made all the difference.
  3. Some of you may recall my first post - don't worry, I'm not going to post a monthly update :) Although there have been good days and bad, I still say the good ones have outweighed the bad. Most of the bad days have been when I was stressed about having to disclose at some point. Over the past few days I've been watching the "Herpes Talk Success Stories" post count hoping someone would post one so I could get another fix of encouragement. Turns out my own story will be the next one. My apologies in advance for the length but I really hope this will encourage people. In the first post I mentioned planning to tell another close friend soon. I did so that week, and as I expected she was amazingly supportive and said of course this didn't impact who I am as person one bit. And that I'll find the right guy one day and he'll see it that way also. She offered that one of her sister's friends had it and shared what info she knew from that (no names). She listened to every detail I shared day after day (I would often apologize for it being one of my main topics of discussion). She offered to let me practice disclosing on her, and did. And I trust that she would never share my personal info with anyone else. Last week I had dinner with this friend, and I was sharing with her how much I valued her friendship and support, and that I had a glimpse of us laughing as old ladies together, knowing that we'd be friends for life (something I knew long ago). She smiled and got very quiet, and after a pause she said "There's something that I want to tell you that I have never told a single person on this planet in my entire life." My mouth dropped and she said it. 13 years she's had HSV and not a single person knew aside from the Dr. that diagnosed her. I burst into tears and we hugged. She said she had felt so guilty ever since I told her and that I must feel so alone. That she had felt alone and never wanted to reveal it to anyone. But after 2 weeks got the courage to tell me, and that it felt amazing to say it out loud and knew it would be ok. So.... It is very, very common. Second one. After getting this I figured I wouldn't bother meeting anyone or dating for quite some time. I'm almost mid 30s and I figured that I already had that against me in the dating world, now this too. Boo! But, three weeks in, I unexpectedly met someone. Someone awesome. Someone who I feared having to disclose to, but who was pursuing me. Both of us thought we'd get along and liked each other's personality and of course were attracted to one another, but neither of us expected to REALLY like each other. We've been seeing each other since meeting, we've hung out once or twice a week and talk by text or via phone call daily. And... there were a few makeout sessions and talk of future sex, but mutually waiting to allow eachother to really get to know one another first. I figured might as well see where it goes, and NOT get PG-13 level physical or disclose unless there's really something good there. The last two weeks have been stressful since I was realizing that if this was something he could deal with then it was going to go somewhere, and discovering that the odds were in our favor that he would be ok with it, because of the good I was finding in him. Panic! Ahhh! Not even two months and I have to disclose to a guy!?! We had a date last night and I promised myself I would decide once and for all if I'd need to disclose by this date, and either do it on the date or the very next time we hung out. I even prepared a notecard to reference if the moment felt right and if I started to forget what I wanted to say. (Nerd alert! But trust me, I'm good at balancing meaningful discussion with levity, and that was my angle with the card.) Well the date went great as I expected. At the end of the night, we ended up falling asleep on my bed together (no hooking up). This morning, we started to make out and again talk about intimate things. He was saying how much he really, really liked me and would wait as long as necessary, and that there was a lot of fun in store for us, talking about future dates, etc. Then he started talking about the "details" of if/when we have sex, offering when he gets tested, that there's nothing that I should be aware of, wondering if I was on birth control, etc etc. I guess he could sense me getting nervous and quiet. So he asks me if if there's anything I wanted to tell him… or anything he should know… meanwhile I'm mentally begging for this convo to be over so I can tell him next time we hang out on the couch - not when we're intimately entwined… but I had to tell him, and took a deep breath and thought Here Goes Nothin'! I said, "Yes. There is something you should know." And verbally fidgeted for a moment as I searched for how I'd planned to begin. I stayed pretty calm and he didn't move…and I found the starting point by bringing up a convo we had a few weeks earlier where he'd mentioned Herpes in an unrelated story. I referenced what he said and said "well… I have that." Then I acknowledged that I know that not everyone is open to dealing with that, but described how MY perceptions have progressed from total stigma and fear (before having it) to it not being a big deal. I said "what do you think about that?" and he shrugged and said "It's not a big deal. In the past 12 years I've dated two girls with it. So don't worry. I'm not running for the door." :) Then I cried. But it was tears of relief and happiness that he was so wonderful about it. And he hugged me the whole time and said it was ok to cry, that he knew it can be tough to tell someone. I settled down and offered some of the statistics, some of which he was familiar with. I told him I was on daily meds. He asked a couple of technical questions. Then we talked/joked about how I wondered if he was just being nice and I'd never hear from him again because by then he had to leave to run a work errand (another reason I didn't think it was good timing). But he promised he'd come back in a few hours. And he did. And when he did we just laid around and napped and then had a make out session until he had to leave AGAIN for work. But he took a key... to come back after work and spend the night. So. He's a good egg. And I knew that early on. And that's why I told him. I'm not sure where this will go permanently, although things are headed in the right direction and we've had the time to get to know each other enough that a lot is aligned and we do want the same things in life. But I do think this is someone I'll be seeing a lot of for the foreseeable future. Don't fret. Just seek out the good people... and sooner or later you'll be well positioned for happiness.
  4. Nigella

    Herpes 1

    HSV1 *does* shed too, folks. Paragraph 6 of this study confirms it: http://jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/198/8/1098.full So anywhoo, they're not different aside from stigma.
  5. Stress has an amazing affect on the body. If you are stressed out about getting H, that could be leading to irregular periods. But definitely talk to your doctor. The one time I was late on my period was during an extremely stressful time in my life, where I also experienced unintended weight loss, thinning hair, and even a hives breakout! When I called my Dr. about the period (and pregnancy was a possibility) they were like "Oh no big deal, that's normal." without the stress in consideration. It was only after it came late and the other effects came along that we realized it was stress related.
  6. So you recently had a baby…I wonder if that is causing stress and then in turn causing more OBs? And you mentioned being more irritable… could be more hormonal than anything. Although a beautiful experience obviously many women experience stress after giving birth, even months in… maybe that's leading to the OBs? I'd talk to your OBGYN about that and also to ease your mind about side effects w breast feeding. I'm sure they wouldn't advise taking it if there were risks…? Ultimately the most important thing is a happy mom - makes for happy baby :) Glad you're feeling better and surely with time all will even out.
  7. Lara - I have a question about your OB's being more frequent lately: are have you been on supressive meds for the year or for quite some time and they are ramping up? Or no meds and they are ramping up? Just curious.
  8. You had me at "Herpe Anniversary!" Hilarious. And absolutely beautiful post.
  9. Absolutely what caligirl said. Force yourself to spend time alone and do things on your own. Go see an exhibit at a museum. Go to a movie by yourself. Commit yourself to a new exercise routine or plan a fun trip somewhere - alone or with your best friend. Instead of wanting to date someone ELSE, pretend as though you're dating YOURSELF. I know some of these things sound absurd and unbearable bc you fear people will look at your and wonder what the heck you're doing all by yourself, but actually, when people see someone out doing something on their own they're impressed and curious. Take yourself out on a regular date night to your most mouth-watering spot. Europeans do this all the time! But it's odd in America. Get to feel comfortable by just hanging out with yourself. Take a book - or even an iPhone/iPad with this blog! - to read. People actually look on in impressed curiosity and think you must be one confident, interesting person when you do these things. And doing these things - DOING - taking action to have a relationship with yourself - turns out to not be odd at all. I've done it. And grown in the process. I think part of why I had a quicker turnaround to acceptance with HSV2 (*even though just today I've gotten my 2nd OB since the first mid June and have been on Valtrex since -ugh WTH!*) is because I DID have a relationship with myself first, for quite some time. I'm more used to being on my own than in a relationship with someone else to begin with. And I really encourage you to do it. Maybe you can't today or this week or even this month. But remember these suggestions and as soon as you feel as though you can, do it. Think of it as treating yourself! Don't get me wrong. I share your worries. I am petrified of The Talk. And I may be way more emotional when it happens than I intend to. But it must happen. It is what it is. I'm not going to just not carry on with life because of What Ifs. That's silly, right? You say to yourself that you're probably going to get rejected and be alone forever. If that's true (WHICH IT IS NOT) than you might as well go out and have a relationship with yourself, right?????? And if you do have a relationship with yourself and focus on making yourself happy doing whatever YOU want to do, then I guarantee you one day you'll forget all about this and realize, Whoa! I have been having so much fun, and I've met some great new people, - and maybe even!!! - I've fallen for this amazing person I met along my journey who loves me no matter what and even with my little H friend. THAT is why people say that H is a blessing in disguise. I tend to feel a little bittersweet when people are always in one long-term relationship after the next, or get married before they're 25 or even 30! I think, "Aww. They never got a real chance to be on their own and find who they really, truly are." Maybe that's not the case across the board but the point is that I do think there is something truly important about being on your own and completely unattached and independent for some period of your life -- AND embracing it. I'm glad/hopeful for people when they pour out the darkness and despair and it's captured somewhere in print forever...because I believe that there'll come a day when the light floods what that darkness once consumed, and show the author proof of the odds, despite the tests and tribulations they encountered. Remember where you pour out your pain, so you can go back and see how far you come.
  10. James - what is the perception abroad on Herpes? When I told my best friend (American) who lives in Italy, she said that it seems as europeans don't tend to think of it as a big deal. She told her Italian boyfriend what I was going through and he was like… "So?"
  11. Is it just peanuts you should avoid or all nuts (walnuts, almonds, pistaccios, etc)?
  12. Danielle this encourages me soooo much. I know I'm going to have to do the same thing soon. I'm dreading it. I have faith in the person, but it is just so nerve-wracking to reveal that to someone you don't want to see walk away and then wait for their response. My take on it is this: H is personal and for me is only something I'm going to reveal to people who I deeply trust. As I'm getting to know this person, I want to learn as much as I can about him too, and if I learn anything that wouldn't be a fit for me (judgemental, anger management, unreliability, etc) then I'll see that we should part ways and I don't have to drop the H bomb :) In the meantime feelings may be developing on both sides. But that's the risk of dating! I would try tell someone before I sense that they might say they're in love though. DEF before sex!
  13. Your doctor said that? Is that your primary care doc or elsewhere? I would imagine that Planned Parenthood would give the test if he simply asked based on your situation. I would tell him to insist on getting tested. He has the right to know. Also, you might want to start taking daily Valtrex suppression right away. Then if he finds out that he doesn't have H and you all choose to continue without condoms, the changes of transmission are a lot lower. If you take Valtrex daily and use condoms it's like a 1% chance of transmission. I don't think he's any more or less at risk just because you had an OB. Good luck! :)
×
×
  • Create New...