caligirl12

Thank you all for your support. It means so much to me that you all are so supportive. It's been really hard but having people out there who are supportive of me...and know what I am going through really helps.

I am sorry if this is a little misdirected since it isn't just about H. I felt lucky when I first found out because I thought I was with the one. He was supportive and amazing. He wasn't always amazing, but he was pretty great. Our relationship slowly started to go down-hill. Our fights were awful and he did not treat me well. I knew I didn't deserve it, but I thought being with him was easier than dating with H. I was convinced that I wouldn't be able to find someone who would accept me, with H and HPV. We had a messy break-up. And temporarily got back together. I thought it was all good..until my our first night together when I was back from school for Winter break. We got drunk...and he raped me. I learned that when it came down to it...I'm not a fighter. I didn't fight him. I didn't leave because I knew I shouldn't drive since I was shaking..but I really wanted to. He apologized when we woke up the next day, and after briefly trying to end it with me again since he was an "assailant" he told me that I wouldn't have to worry about him for a long time. It would all be about me. Well it wasn't. Long story short..he was still awful to me up until March when he told me he didn't want to be with me...right while I was in the middle of the stage after denial. I had just started to sort through what he did, I was thinking about it every day. Every night. Every time we talked. But then he took away my power and ended it with me..he has taken away my dignity. I have only told 3 people...but since they don't know about the H I feel like they can't give me sound advice. I am terrified to date again. He is the second man who has raped me, the third man who has assaulted me. I am scared it will keep happening to me. I truly believed he was incapable of hurting me in this way until he did it. What happens if I find someone and they reject me because of the H? Dating is already hard, then add H and then add an ex-boyfriend who scarred me. How do I ever trust another man..I gave him EVERYTHING. I took care of him when he drank to much(my first indicator of how he could do this)..I forgave him for everything he ever did to me. I put everything I had into this relationship and it blew up in my face in the worst way possible. The only man who I've ever loved and whose ever loved me..I feel completely hopeless. Scared, mad, terrified, loss of dignity, powerless, alone. They've taken over my life. He keeps saying he's sorry( we are not longer together because HE decided we were bad together) but sorry doesn't feel good enough. There's been no happy ending here. I didn't get to take back my power and laugh the disease in the face. I didn't get to prove to someone I'm more than the stigma. I don't even want to date...if this is the return you get on love. I give up..for now.

Do you tell about both at the same time, like just let it all roll out and see what happens? Haha I don't know if that's a lot to take in! I like the idea that they are an insurance policy it's a good way to look at it! haha thank you for the support! :)

Wow thank you for all the positive responses! Makes a girl feel all warm and fuzzy from all the support! :)

Okay> I am very touched by your acceptance of this man regardless of what baggage he brings!! It brings hope for those of us out there still not married and somewhat on the dating scene! You are a very kind lady. Thank you for sharing this. But I am confused by something someone said on this discussion: that you know the symptoms of when you are shedding..I mean I know you shed when you have an OB and that comes with tons of symptoms..but I got the impression that this person meant there are symptoms for when you are shedding without a recent OB?? I looked it up online and I haven't been able to find anything on it! you can send me a message to answer if you want so we don't ruin this nice lady's discussion! :)

I totally understand that. But how do you deal with someone rejecting you for something like that. I can't imagine how much it would hurt! I wouldn't even know the first thing about disclosing!

I had buddies..but they stopped responding. :( I accepted it when I was with my boyfriend of 2 plus years..but I'm scared that once I heal from the heartbreak of this..I'll hurt all over again because I'll have to start all over again with someone new when I'm ready. Female or male. Any age. Be my buddy!! :)

Thank you for the response: it helps to know that I don't have to hide in a corner to wait to accepted. That online dating is an option, when I'm ready.

My boyfriend and I broke up tonight. He is the only person I have been with since I found out I had HPV and HSV2. Typically after a relationship I give myself a few weeks to recover, and then one time I went to an online dating site. This was a long relationship so it may take months to get over, I thought he was the one. And the break up came out of nowhere, so I am pretty crushed. What do we think about online dating being HSV2 positive? Obviously I need heal for months before I even consider dating again. BUT When that time comes I don't want to be terrified of rejection on every end. I ask about dating online only because I'm 25 and going to school in a small college town and I am not attracted to the kinds of guys who go here.

I get sick a lot more since I first got this. I had a doctor tell me that I have a really weak Immune system and that's why I got it in the first place. I had strep and tonsillitis, and some woman only issues constantly since the diagnosis. I think it does weaken it even more. There are things you can do to help make your immune system work better. 1. take vitamins. 2. juice. drinking your vitamins helps them get into your system faster. 3. sleep and exercise. 4. don't take antibiotics EVERY time your doctor prescribes them. they actually make your body less able to cope with itself. sometimes antibiotics are necessary are when you have something that can't be cured without and might give you even more problems, such a strep, ear infections and etc...but if you can avoid them do it! since I haven't been prescribed antibiotics in a few months, i haven't got sick as much! good luck!!

if you are ashamed, he will be ashamed too. you have to accept this before someone else can accept it too. delivering the news a negative way will make him feel negative about. delivering it a positive way will make him feel negative about it. it could be the difference between: " i have ebola" and " i have a rash" haha i know that is extreme, but here's a real life example: i found out i had it while i was with my current bf. i took it really really hard. and when i told him, i sat on my bed looking up at him terrified to tell him..i said "the doctor called, and i have something. it's the worst one..." and then i burst into tears. and guess what...even though he was supportive he took it really hard too. he had to realize that because i had just found out and had maybe an hour to deal with it on my own before he came over..i was taking it harder than i should have. they need you to present it in a positive way, or at least not in a bad way! also i just re-read your post and realized that you already met with him, how did it go? we can all help you figure out ways to stay safe, or you can look it up or make a doctors appointment..

what about a free support group? if you can't go to a counselor, and there aren't any free or reduced price places around, that might be the best option. also you could go into PPH and talk to a nurse there, they aren't a counselor but I did a joint appointment with my significant other so we could both ask questions, and it was very helpful. they also might have counselors there too, or a support group through there. but also you can just type in HSV support groups in your city and find it that way! good luck

Would you consider trying getting through life by trying to accept it instead of ignoring it? I'm glad you've gotten past considering ending things..because that should never be an option when we have a skin rash. It's just how society views us. Please don't traumatize yourself with this. It's not worth it. I don't know if you read all the post..but I play the victim in my situation..and it doesn't help me one bit. The days I feel strong..and accept myself for everything..it feels great to be me. On the days I don't...the shame and regret feels endless..it really doesn't feel great to be me. Accept yourself and you will learn to live with this. I promise.

this was VERY UPLIFTING to me. sometimes i have hard moments, and now that i've found website i look for positives at those moments. and this really helped me!!

I take L-Lysine to shorten the length of mouth ulcers a.k.a canker sores(not related to HSV1). My boyfriend told me a nurse at PPH told him I could take it to also prevent or shorten the length of a HSV2 outbreak. I'm not sure though. What do you know about it?

You will not be lonely for the rest of your life. You do need to love yourself before you can let anyone else love you. If you rush into a relationship now..before you accept it..you will never find someone who will accept it because they will feel about you the way you feel about you. When you accept you for who you are and exude positive things about your situation and how awesome you are they'll feel lame if they don't want to be with you. Work on yourself first...relationship comes second. You can make it all stop! Keep staying strong.

I wonder that--are we supposed to disclose Oral HSV1? I never have but I just found out two years ago but I've been with the same person since I found it out. Are you supposed to disclose HSV1? I always figured if I date again will I need to tell the person or is being on a pill enough to keep it from them until the actual HSV2 disclosure?

wow--that was from a medical professional. that is horrible..you shoulda complained to his boss and gotten him fired! I agree I need to surround myself with positive people..and new friends I've made are that. It's just hard when the ones you've been friends with for 12 years aren't. Thanks for responding!

**I was in a terrible on off semi-abusive relationship with this guy from work while I was 22. He wrecked me emotionally, and I hadn't even fully recovered from first abusive relationship at age 17. Don't worry, I'm better at picking my men now! I went over to another co-workers house to party. That's how I knew I was in a hole because I'm not a partier. I got extremely wasted and all I remember is that we had sex. The worst part is it happened again a few weeks later. I got crazy drunk and don't remember anything from the second time. If I was sober or even less black-out drunk..nothing would have happened between us. (I called him after I found out, and he insisted he didn't have anything, and asked me to be supporting if he did. He promised the results of his next STD test, but he never got back to me. It could have been that he thought it was me who gave it to him...but he is the ONLY person who I could have gotten it from, and I felt his silence was my answer). **6 months later, only 1 month into my current relationship we decided to get tested( which i got every 6 months). I knew the second the doctor called me 3 days after my test there was something wrong. (Positive for HSV 1 and 2). I spent the entire day crying..I called the guy I was dating to tell him I couldn't see him that night, but he insisted on coming over because he knew there was something wrong. **I remember sitting on my bed looking up at him and telling him what I had. I immediately starting crying while he tried to comfort and me and tell me that I could live with this and it wasn't the end of my life. I didn't believe him. I thought he would stop seeing me, I would never find anyone..and my life as I knew it was over. I asked him if he was willing to deal with it and his answer was "I don't know". But he wanted to take care of me. The next few days were horrible, while he caught me crying in the bathroom a few times and once trying to leave his house in the middle of the night because I didn't want him to have to deal with this. **At first he wanted to have a platonic romantic relationship while he decided whether he was willing to take it and me on. And 5 days after I found out I had HSV2 I found out I have high risk HPV from my first abusive relationship. The few days it took him to decide were excruciating, but he made the decision to make me his girlfriend because he liked me enough to not want to lose me--so our relationship then became normal. He continues to be my most solid support system in this..and I think he thinks it's less of a big deal than I do. I think it's nothing short of amazing that my first dating experience with it turned out to be so positive. **But it has still been tough. I still get offended by jokes, hurtful comments, and ignorant people. I judge myself and take on society's stigma of this virus. Occasionally I get scared that if my boyfriend and I don't work out..I'll never find another person who will accept me with all of my baggage. But sometimes I have clear moments where I know that everything will work out. And I barely think about it anymore..I've come really far.It's definitely a roller coaster. I can't say I'm grateful I have it, but I can say I am grateful for the enlightened outlook on life it's given me!

I mean it's not even worth it to try to get them to understand anything, they are so deep into their denial it wouldn't work! I wish I could just throw in their face...oh you had chicken pox when you were 8? I would NEVER date anyone who had that kind of herpes(as an example I'm not mean like they are, I myself had chicken pox when I was 11 and didn't even know it was herpes until yesterday)..why is 2 the dirty number? The silver lining of this, is that we who carry the HSV2 shame label(to others not to ourselves) actually become more accepting people in the process, and isn't that what this age is all about? Acceptance for all kinds of people. Your story is great, that you learned to accept it before you got it because you fell for someone who had it, therefore you were enlightened even before finding out you had it!

HI! It's great you are feeling so positive about this! Keep it up, and don't let anything knock you down!

I agree that I need to be more forgiving, and maybe learn to joke about it a little too! Thank you for the advice! :)

HI! Looking for an (h) buddy! I'm female 24 live in Southern California. I've known for two years, but I still struggle so I'd be looking for both receiving and giving support. Male and female too! Thanks! :)

Hi Jessi! Don't give up, it WILL get easier! I found out I had HSV2 and High Risk HPV within 1 week of each other....pretty harsh. I'm not going to lie, I still get pretty stressed out when it's time for my 6 month check up for HPV. The statistics are good though..at a young age there's an extremely low percent of cases that will turn into something(almost nonexistent). In general only 20% of people who get it will actually turn into something within their lifetime, and we are talking getting issues from it way later on in life. or your body can CLEAR the virus, and you won't ever have any problems with it again. Although, I do have to warn you, mine was gone for a year. And it came back, but it wasn't anything and doctors relate problems with it to stress. So try to keep yourself as stress free as possible( I know it doesn't seem possible in these situations). If you have genital warts, then it's just like dealing with the HSV2. It's a minor annoyance that won't have any impact on your general well-being. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but you'll be a stronger and better person after this. And you have to keep telling yourself that you are stronger than these things. You can get through this, and you WILL get through it. Hang in there, it gets better/easier to deal with as it sinks in!

You're absolutely right I view myself as a victim because I don't know how I got it. I know it's wrong! I tell people left and right I have HSV-1 because it's so common and a tad bit more socially accepted, but I have a harder time accepting my HSV-2 diagnosis. I've tried for the two years I've known about it to not victimize myself but I don't know how to do that. I think that's why I joined this website, so I could gain a different perspective on the situation! Thank you for pointing out that I wouldn't have taken to heart what they said unless I already felt that way about myself, and I keep trying to shake those feelings and tell myself that I am nothing like the stigma, but it's so hard to shake. I think you saying that just might be the push I need to take control of how I feel about myself without allowing others to dictate it to me. Self love is the most important thing after all. As far as what I get from them? They are friends from high school, always going to be your friends but not necessarily friends I can always count on to be there for me. I definitely see them a little differently now though. Your story is great! I admire anyone who can stand up for themselves without ever second guessing it. I hope to work up to that one day, but for now I'll stick up for this community in the way I know how. Thank you so much for your reply and for all your comments!!