anonymous604

I never thought I'd be one of the people on this site that would write a positive story but here I am! I wanted to write my story so that other people who are struggling can hopefully feel a little less alone, and possibly feel more confident in their own story and life. I was diagnosed with G-HSV1 about 4 years ago, I was in a long term relationship and trusted someone who ended up lying about their status which lead to me contracting it. When I was diagnosed it hit me like a bus... it led to a pretty serious bout of depression and it also made me stay in an unhealthy relationship for longer than I should of because of the "no one will ever love me again" thoughts I was having. Eventually I left that relationship and decided that if I was right and no one would be able to get past my diagnosis then maybe I just was meant to focus on other things in my life. I spent about 2 years really focusing on me and what made me happy but I still struggled with being HSV positive. I confided in a couple of my best friends and was really honest with them about everything I was going through, and I have to say, confiding in people who loved me was the best thing I ever did. They talked me through the rough patches and really brought me back down to earth in some of my worst moments. When I decided that I wanted to start dating again, I really started to read the success stories on here for the confidence boost and while I was reading I always felt that "I can do it" attitude kick in but when I would go and try to tell someone new I would panic and completely shut down. I pushed everyone possible away just because I was so scared of the rejection that I was sure would come with that conversation. My friends kept saying to me "if someone really cares about you, this won't change their mind! You have to be honest and just be open with them" and I knew they were right but it's not always as easy as it sounds. I don't know if people who have never been through this can really understand where we're coming from, no matter how hard they try. But now for the good part! I met the most amazing man! He's everything I ever could have asked for in a partner so needless to say I was TERRIFIED to talk to him about my diagnosis. To make things worse, a few days before I disclosed he made a joke about people with herpes... in bad taste (which he fully regrets now). I spent weeks going back and forth on how to tell him and what to say, I also didn't want to disclose too early because I wanted him to get to know me for me and not make a judgement on just 1 small part of who I am. I read up on the H-Stats from this site and that made me feel a bit better, I felt like I was going into this conversation with as much information as I could. One night I said that I needed to talk to him about something and that after I was done explaining he was welcome to ask me any questions he may have and I would leave the rest to him, if he wanted to see me still then I would love that but if he didn't I would understand as well. I told him everything, gave him the back story into how it happened and what type I was diagnosed with and how it's been since then. He listened so intently and actually told me that this wasn't the first time someone had disclosed to him. He said he wasn't rejecting me over this and just wanted some more information and some time to think. Over the next couple of days we talked about it lots and we actually ended up going to my doctor to talk to her about options and how risky it would be for him in different scenarios (protection, medication, etc.) Her advice was that he should go and get tested for it before we decide on anything because not many people know that normal STD screenings don't cover the HSV virus, she explained that it can be done through a special request and with some blood work. After all was said and done he actually tested positive for the virus, it took him by surprise because he's never had any symptoms or signs but as the stats show, up to 80% of people carry the virus, it's just that most people don't know they carry it! We are now in a very committed, happy, and healthy relationship. I never in a million years would have thought that starting our relationship with this conversation would make things better but it honestly does! Being able to be open, honest and vulnerable with him showed him that he could trust me and it showed me that I can trust him. I really hope this helps even just one person going through a tough time. I know it can sometimes seem impossible and terrifying but believe me when I say it's completely, 100% worth it. It really is true what they say, if someone cares about you, this conversation will not change that.