luckymolly

Hi there ... there is no way of telling if this is H...it does look like a sunken ulcer (cankersore) The only way of knowing is having it swabbed if your insurance allows this. But you also said that you've been nibbled at by your partner lol ... so it could be damage fro that. Plus if you're touching and messing with it, wondering like we all do...it will make it look more irritated. You know, my bf has cold sores ... i still snog him, but i'd wait until he was well healed before he ...ahem...ventures down there (sorry if tmi). Get swabbed ... because the bloods say the virus is in the body and doesn't mean it's genital or oral and types 1 and 2 can go in both places. Let us know how you get on :) easier said than done but try not to worry ... it is only a skin complaint :)

At least you feel sorry ... and really, if you were not genuine, you would never have rang to inform him and could have even denied having herpes. But you have lessened the worry he must be feeling by actually being honest. You made a mistake....but so many people do every single day. You know the impact that your mistake has had on this person who you really care for. Tell him the extent to which you feel so terrible .... let him read what you've wrote here. There really is no point in trying to establish if if it was actually you who gave it to him and it may not have been you. The issue here is the fact that he wasn't given information that you could have afforded him...but in the same breath he is responsible for his own health and should have used protection. Also...this seems so unlucky that he would have got it just fro that one and first time. Most people panic and start to imagine the absolute worse in a situation where they have had unprotected sex ... this is not just the case with herpes, look at other forums they are full of panicked people who are not sure if they are convincing themselves they have symptoms. So this would be intensified for him if you actually called him to let him know that you have herpes...so maybe he has something else or maybe he doesn't have an STI at all. Also, a phone call specifically aimed at informing someone about herpes seems much more dramatic than a disclosure that usually comes before having sex. He will have time to research the reality of the situation and will understand better what it means for him. Also, remember that his life is NOT ruined so please don't bear the burden of this - of course, take responsibility for the situation being understandably distressing for him but other than reach out to him and then learn from this, there isn't much more yo can do. Guilt is a normal and healthy emotion and to feel it is to move through it for the better....which yo will do. Your life is precious :)

Hi there, i completely understand your worries. I'm not a doctor but really i would say, in light of what you have just eplained, that it is unlikely to impossible that your boyfriend would get genital herpes. Herpes dies when in contact with the air, plus he washed his hands several times anyway. The fact that he washed his hands so many times likely means that you are both already overly anxious about this to begin with, which a lot of people are even in cases where they don't need to be. Maybe book an appointment at the sexual health clinic and attend together, discuss your fears and concerns and let a qualified person put some perspective on things. It's good that you take your health seriously though :)

What difference wold telling her a month earlier have make? Your reason for not telling her immediately weren't malicious and you haven't put her at any additional risk. You are obviously a caring, loyal and wonderful husband and dad and this has no way changed that. Okay, you cold have had these spots checked earlier. However, in no way am i'm i asserting any blame, but we are all responsible for our own safety and health and if she had noticed the spots also then she herself would have had as much reason as you to ensure things were checked out further. To say she is upset that you didn't tell her right away may be true, but that's a different issue to anything connected to herpes ... telling her straight away was the only aspect of this that you had any control over but you only delayed out of fear of losing and hurting her. Time is the best healer and i'm ore than sure your wife will have a completely different outlook once she's had time to find out more about what it all means...or what it doesn't actually mean as the case may be. Good luck and keep us posted xx

So hoping that yo're feeling a little brighter! Remember - though you won't believe it now, you will get through this. You have sought support for the emotional devastation but you also need to make medical/health support a priority because this is the root case of your distress. Although it may not seem like it now, this pain WILL go away. You are obviously so emotionally traumatised your body has become extremely run down. Best advise ever, those men who leave because of ANY medical condition... let them walk. For the MAJORITY of men, herpes will not be an issue. As soon as you are well and have healed (which you will do) you WILL naturally find a new partner just like anybody without herpes would. What you must do now is be extremely KIND to yourself. If it helps, take your mind away from your body and imagine you're supporting a friend through this. If your doctor prescribes you antiviral meds, take them. Also, if you're in pain request a prescription for pain relief and take it. You are special and valuable and although you have not yet met your next partner, you will be precious to him too. Just do the things that you enjoy doing, read a book, think about how your life will be when this is gone. Cosy up and watch your favorite movie, eat foods that you can have with little pain. It will be hard to MAKE yourself pamper yourself with the care you deserve but remember, for most people this never comes back. Love yourself, this is where recovery in any form comes from. So many women with herpes have children - no problems. Remember, there is zero reason for shame. Simply put...you can get herpes from having sex, even with a condom, 99% of the world's population have sex - so how are yo any different to them? No difference, it's just that you caught a coldsore on your who-ah. Also consider, WHEN you do have a child, you'll have so much strength from this that you'll be a mm with amazing resilience and with an ability to assure them for whatever life throws at them...which it so nicely does. I totally get the agony of any type of issue down there ... it's enough to drive you crazy, feel like you want to be sick and just scream. This is all part of the wonderful course of being a woman (eye-roll)...like thrush, which also can come back whenever, be passed on during sex, and makes you feel like you're never going to feel normal again. Feeling like you'll never be normal again is totally normal, you just can't imagine it - but you WILL feel normal down there again. The cruelest part of all of this is that the big pharmaceutical companies have made billions out of making people like you feel the way that they do. They have stigmatised herpes and purposely and wrongly assigned those with the condition with a life sentence...and all to sell their antiviral meds. I don't know how any individual can make a single penny that way. Herpes is not a life sentence , it's a skin condition that any human being can get. Not pleasant, i agree ... but we have to put some perspective on it. Okay, next, write back to us here and just give us a little update...even if it's to say you're still struggling...because people really do care xx