Whenpigsfly82

I've 8 months HSV2+ and take twice daily suppression therapy. Only have had one OB, which was shortly after I contracted it. I've been dating a really kind man, and just over the weekend disclosed to him. We've not had sex. Some of the hottest make out sessions of my life(seems like an oxymoron). We've been naked together; performed oral on him, and he has used his hands on me. Through all of my readings/searches, I never took note to whether your partner could get H on his hand by them touching me below the belt. Everything I seemed to read was all about the mucus membranes of the mouth or genital area. Can anyone demystify this for me? He says he wanted to do more research before being completely intimate with me, which I fully respect. I do not want to mislead him in anyway about his risks. And already am feeling guilty for potentially exposing him via his hands. Please, any guidance!

Thank you for sharing! I really needed to hear this, as I plan on disclosing this week. Think the way you phrased it was perfect, and exactly how I feel about it.

A tiny bit of back story, which is probably why I am super nervous... Back on Valentine's Day, my friend posted on Facebook, to let her be cupid for her single friends(she is apparently good!). Upon encouragement of my best friend, I told Amy to go ahead. Fast forward a month, Amy contacted me about "Scott". Ironically, I just started a relationship with someone(Ben) who I met online(and successfully disclosed to). Unbeknownst to Amy, Scott and I dated when we were in high school, and were each other's first kiss(which we didn't know 20 years ago). It was very coincidental but also intriguing. Ben and I did not work out, so I waited a few weeks and reached back out to Amy. Now Scott was dating someone else! Last week, Scott reached out to me. We had good conversation and decided to just get together to catch up just this past Saturday. He took me all around his city and we played catch up since we haven't spoke since we parted ways in 9th/10th grade. To say we had a great time is an understatement. Due to how much we both had to drink, I stayed at his place Saturday night. Kissing him again was very surreal and his words were " it's just as memorable ". And we both have improved vastly in the kissing department. haha. Sunday morning, we were cuddling and kissing, and it was getting more intimate. As he unbuttoned my pants, I did stop him, and he respectfully buttoned them back up. In the moment, I whispered to him that I needed to tell him something but he didn't hear so I let it go. We just continued to make out like we were some high school students again. If I didn't have HSV, I would NOT have stopped him. Ugh, anyways. During our date on Saturday, he said about being self conscious because he had pimple on his bottom lip. Yeah, I noticed it but didn't think of it. (As a 35 year old, I still struggle with the occasional acne flare up.)He made a comment " i didn't want you to think it was like herpes". I brushed off the comment but still had a slight sinking feeling. Sunday evening, he texted me that he had a really good time and would like to see me again soon. Soon is now either Thursday(where I'll probably stay the night with him) or Saturday. Since we have some history that no one else can ever take from each other's lives, I am hoping he will take my news okay. Our chemistry is palpable, and it just feels good to be around him again. I know, I am basing this off of spending 20 hours with someone who I haven't seen in 20 years. I've had HSV2 for 6 months now and mentally, I have moved on from the initial shock. For me it's more of a mental nuisance. I take antivirals twice a day, and haven't had a OB since my initial.My last disclosure with Ben was the first that actually resulted in a sexual relationship(the rest I ended before we were intimate) My methodology with Ben was anything but tactful. Pretty much made the statement that he needed to know something about me before moving forward. And I just blurted out that I have HSV. Now I am trying to game plan a bit so I can be a little more eloquent about the delivery. I am thinking of saying " I am glad we reconnected and excited to see where this could go. But before that can happen, I want to share something personal about me that you need to know. I carry the HSV/herpes virus. Being honest with you is important and I want to be able to feel comfortable asking me any questions". How does that sound?? We are probably going out to dinner Thursday(will have a glass of wine for liquid courage) so do you think I should tell him at dinner or wait until we are back at his apartment? Part of me is just trying to keep my feet on the ground and not get ahead myself whether a real relationship will come from this. The other part is yelling "full steam ahead, who cares if there isn't anything more than sex". I am aware he may have experience dating someone with it, or might have it himself. He is a very affectionate and "handsy" for a lack of a better term. I know the transmission risk for sex and oral sex. What are the risks to HIM if he uses his hands on me down below? Thank you for hearing me out. My nerves are building and I guess, I just am hoping for a boost in confidence. I am open to any and all comments/suggestions. I promise to keep you posted on the outcome!

Cracking up at your comment about guys with buff bodies. Might explain it for me as well. I don't have advice, but am in the same boat! So I am just going to stalk this thread and see who chimes in for you :) Going on my date Saturday, def. not sleeping with him on the first date and don't get the impression he is that kind of man. He and I talk frequently and when we talk, I completely forget that I have to tell him this news at some point. Then panic sets in. Oy! Good luck!

I agree w/ @mil21, you need to tell him. By not disclosing prior to being intimate, you are going to risk him not trusting you when he does find out. Which will then snowball into him doubting everything you have told him. He needs to be able to make that decision. Do you think you'll have more courage if you tell him over the phone vs face to face? Obviously once you tell him, allow him to ask questions and give him time. You never know, it might be no big deal for him if he wants a future with you, he will accept you exactly as you are. Best of luck. Keep us posted!

As far as the body fluids go, I am not quite sure. I always thought it was skin to skin?! So this is interesting to me. I'm also HSV2, and take daily antiviral therapy. I've only disclosed to one potential partner. I think it helped for me to give equivalent risks to put it into perspective. Condoms still have a 12% chance of resulting in pregnancy. YOU HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF GETTING ME PREGNANT! Potential partner would have an equal chance to be killed in a car accident(a little morbid but a fact). Transmission from female to male are lower just due to our physical bodies. Most of all, you know your status. You are not being careless. You are informing your partners. You are less of a risk than everyone who just assumes they are a-okay because they haven't ever had a symptom...

Hi @Rosalyn4321 and @oms2001. I am HSV2+ and recently disclosed to someone I am dating, but havent had sex. I found this link to be helpful https://herpeslife.com/spreading-genital-herpes-hsv2-from-oral-sex/ Hope that helps some !

Such a great success story. It gives me so much hope for my future.

I would be honored to have a buddy. I'm a 35 year old mom, recently diagnosed. Male or female buddy, or both?! I live in York, Pennsylvania- think south central PA. While I am new to all of this, I am an excellent listener and am very compassionate. So if I can be connected with someone in my area to talk to and be given support, I would be so grateful.

I am glad it went well for you! It gives me so much hope for when I have to have this conversation too in the future. How did he end up handling it? Crossing my fingers for you

I currently am single and a mom of two great kids(15,7). I have some questions that I cant quite find answer to and was hoping some veterans can give me some insight. FYI, I've been HSV2 positive since mid October 2017 and take valacyclovir 500 mg twice daily. First out break 3 days post exposure was not pleasant. Was very swollen, sore, about 5 lesions, issues urinating and lasted about 10 days. Have NOT had sex since I was infected. 1. I've only had an initial outbreak. When another outbreak, if it happens, is the tingling constant prior to? Not sure if I am being hyper sensitive but I feel more twinges, tingling that last just a few moments and am not sure if that means something. Shedding? Or am I nut? I never had a cold sore so I don't know what that is like. 2. Summer can't get here fast enough to get out of this cold weather. I typically wear a bikini when we go swimming and my daughter(7) loves to sit on my lap while we bask in the sun drying off. Am I putting her at risk by allowing her to sit on my lap like that? since it is skin to skin contact? Should I put a towel between us? 3. Another crazy thought. So I always wash my hands after using the bathroom but when I am even just putting on clothing and hand rubs up against the outside of my thighs, hips, are there risks to getting herpes on my hands? Paranoid me, immediately washes my hands afterwards. I am really scared of Herpes whitlow. 4. If herpes whitlow would happen, would that site then be forever infected even after it heals? For instance could it be shedding in that place once it's healed and infect someone else? 5. Is it true that self/auto inoculation only can occur with the initial outbreak? And after the first outbreak, the rest of your body outside of the normal areas where an outbreak can occur, are immune? 6. Lastly...my daughter loves to sleep and cuddle with me. Prior to this, I slept in a t-shirt and panties. Now I'm wearing pants all the time when I sleep just in case she sneaks into bed with me at night. Worried that one of her wild feet will land on me in the middle of the night and will somehow infect her. I am just trying to arm myself with knowledge, so I can hopefully feel like insane about it all. I would love to be in a relationship at some point and I'm sure I will have even more questions. Right now, I just want to do my best to protect my children and people I am close with. Thank you for any clarity and reading my crazy thoughts. Seriously, I know how crazy they seem.

Thank you all for your kind words and support.(Unsure how to respond to you each individually) I do know I will come to grips at some point. I'm considering seeking out counseling at this point, and possibly getting back into church. Moving forward with any relationship, I wouldn't be able to not tell the person before having sex. They can at least make an educated decision before moving forward with me. I know I have a lot to offer as person and human and can't allow this to define me. Thank you all.

I am very grateful for those in my life who have allowed me to cry hysterically and not judge me for what has occurred. I know deep down they will not ever fully understand. This is my story... Back in October, I was set up by my hairstylist. She only had such positive words about him, had his life in order. "Finally" I thought as I seem to always attract those who especially don't have their lives together. I a 35 year old divorced and most importantly , mom of two. Successful, standing on my own two feet. I had been out of a relationship for 6 months at this point. Just to make sure I could move forward with a relationship with a clear mind, I went and had many blood tests done(HIV, syphilis, Herpes 1&2, etc), all came back negative. After several dates out to dinner, shopping at Lowes, card games, bonefires, he really seemed like he was someone who had a lot to offer and was a decent human. We talked about once the weather was warmer, and his foot healed(just had surgery), we would start trail running together. That's where I was wrong. After one night of movies, which happened to be Friday, October 13th, one thing led to another. Before I really could comprehend what happened, we were having unprotected sex. It crossed my mind many times that we needed to stop but it had been so long for me. Deep, deep regret. Three days later, I knew something was wrong. Asked more indepth questions to this guy. I could tell at first he thought I was exaggerating. Off to my doctor I went and had a swab. Two days after visiting my doctor, I received my results. HSV 2 positive. My soul seemed to be sucked right out of my chest at that moment. I asked this guy to call me ASAP. We spoke, and I told him the news. He was in disbelieve. I asked him to go to PP to get tested, and he went to a walk in clinic that day. Over the next three weeks, he remained in contact with me. Mainly about how miserable he was and how he can't believe he has this virus. I think he apologized once about this. I am now stuck with a $200 medical bill that essentially gave him information about himself that he didnt know. I feel very, very jaded. Since then, he has not spoke to me. I asked him if we could talk about a month ago, and he said "Yeah, sure". I have not heard from him. Not even about his results from PP. I just don't know how hard I should push it with him. Even knowing that he is not a stand up kind of guy, I wish he would've at least continued to date so I would never have to "the discussion". Every day is a struggle. I now take twice daily antivirals. My demeanor before all of this was very happy, and now I am very much so going through the motions of life. Eventually, I know I will get back to somewhere close to where I was before this happened. I eagerly await the day. Thank you for reading and allowing me to just get it out there.