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butterfly2018

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Everything posted by butterfly2018

  1. In January, my boyfriend at the time did not disclose and he gave me HSV2. To this day, he won’t admit to doing so. I stayed with a few more months out of fear that I’d never be able to find someone to love me. Once we broke up, I started dating a previous ex. I fully disclosed to him. I’ve disclosed to anyone that expressed interest to me and no rejected me luckily. Except once. I’ve been talking to this great new guy and he made me feel amazing. How I felt before herpes.... we unexpectedly hooked up one night and since we hadn’t been on a date or spent any time together prior, I didn’t disclose. I feel so stupid. That was about 21 days ago, he hasn’t shared with me that he’s had any symptoms. But, today I disclosed to him fully and he’s now speechless of course. We started out protected, but ended unprotected. And I do take valtrex, but not consistently smh. I know he needs space but just looking for advice to possibly fix this? It’s been eating me up and I’m glad I’ve disclosed now.. but I’m terrified he’ll want nothing to do with me and I’ll be only able to understand. Any advice on what I should say from here? To get back on track or not do too much?
  2. I was diagnosed with Herpes a few months ago after having sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. I literally happened 1 or 2 days later that I had open sores and got tested. I’ve never experienced a pain like it. The day I found out about it, I also told my boyfriend. He told me that he was clean, always has been and supposedly got tested right after I told him and a month later after we had unprotected sex again (I haven’t seen his results to know for sure that he never had it). Ever since finding out, our relationship went downhill. I was looked at as irresponsible for not knowing my status. I was always someone that paid attention to my body... I always examined myself, got regular appointments, etc. however, due to the same response like most of you all received from doctors... I never tested for Herpes because I didn’t have sores. This has been so hard for me. Even harder to find out while in a relationship. I would have rather gone through this alone. I haven’t been feeling comfortable talking to him about it bc he’s still upset deep down about the potential of it one day showing up. I am on a Alfred everyday and we have continued to have unprotected sex. We’ve had other issues arise but this diagnosis changed everything. We have tried to move past it and proceed like it doesn’t exist... but I am someone that needs to talk about feelings. It feels like a huge elephant is in the room. Now that we are over, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to ever date again. I don’t want to ever be touched again to avoid having to disclose. I wasn’t only with him because he knew and stayed but that was certainly comfortable. I’m never going to find love again. Who would want someone like this? All of the rejection I’m going to experience? The insecurity I’m going to feel? Idk what to do. Idk how to move on and now be single with Herpes. Please help.
  3. Thank you @hikinggirl! Do you apply it everyday? I’ve noticed a huge difference since starting the Lysine, still some mild itching at night but haven’t had to apply coconut oil again.
  4. Hey everyone, I had a question about itching. I experienced my first outbreak earlier this month, once I completed my 10 Days ofValtrex, I’ve been taking them each day around the same time since. My outbreak lasted about a week but was healed by time it was time to get inconsistent suppressive therapy but I’ve been experiencing extreme itching where my sores were! It’s agonizing.. right on the skin between the my vulva and anus. I’ve found that coconut oil helps a lot but does anyone know how long this lasts? There’s no open sores or discomfort other than itching like crazy. Also, have any ladies experiencing dryness from Herpes/Valtrex? I know I need to drink more water and clear up my diet anyway but I’ve heard Evening Primrose Oil can help produce natural lubricant again? Any help would be great. My boyfriend and I are planning to be intimate again soon... first time since being diagnosed and he’s negative for HSV at this time. Just trying to understand this itching more and any way to naturally get my lubrication back to minimize friction and possible OB. Thanks!
  5. This post just spoke to my entire core, I’m overcome with emotion. I hope to one day get to this point of clarity or some sort of “OK”. I feel like I’m not experiencing this because I had my first outbreak after being with my boyfrkend for the first time. We found out about my diagnosis on the same day... while I’m trying to make sure he’s OK, I’m trying to be OK as well. I love Brene, I read a couple of her books before this and feel motivated to read them again now that these issues are bigger than the ones that drew me to her books in the first place. Thank you for sharing your thoughts through the different phases you experienced. I’m on day 4 of being officially diagnosed and this story along with the entire community has been life changing! I hope to attend the group call one day that you spoke about if it’s still offered.
  6. Thank you for your response, @hikinggirl! I’ve spent the last few days racking my brain around what the yeast infections/BV’s really were. Even if the medication and results would show that’s what I was experiencing at the time, I feel I can’t trust anything for what I thought once was with all the uncertainty this diagnosis has brought. Your last sentence is spot on! I’m 1/2 way at “it happened” and then I have flashes of being upset because this is most lack of control or certainty I’ve ever experienced!
  7. This post is great. Especially the last paragraph... I'm so worried about my boyfriend staying out of pity, but truly changing our plans to have kids or taking the risk of being with me unprotected again at some point. Or even protected, but still okay. I guess I just want to be worth the risk. I know that's a huge ask.
  8. My apologies @optimist! Yes, I was referring to her comment. Yes, I understand how common it is now when experiencing symptoms or not. My fear honestly lies with the possibility of passing it to my partner. I had my first outbreak a few days after being with him but wasn't sure if the risk was higher since we decided we had unprotected sex days before while I was experiencing soreness.
  9. Thank you for this information! My question is, how does this relate if you had sex a few days before your first outbreak? I don't recall feeling any tingling. The only thing I recall is being sore after the first couple times and thinking it was due to friction and frequency of intercourse the previous night/day before. If we continued to have sex during that sore period but no open sores were present, is that prodrome? It was only sore, it didn't burn when I urinated or anything. At first I noticed redness, a day later it was redness with bumps, then by day 3 it was sores and it burned to use the restroom. I also had shaved about a week before but this was of course before thinking I had this or experienced any symptoms. I'm not really worried about myself but more so my partner. We were unprotected the whole weekend. Thanks
  10. Good Afternoon Everyone, I must say that this is the most reassuring and supportive post I've come across since my experience of researching HSV and officially being diagnosed a couple days ago with HSV 2. My situation is somewhat similar to @mloops. I always prided myself on paying attention to my body whether that is how it looked and how it felt. I would get across the board STI testing done, then when I inquired about Herpes testing they would ask "Has anyone told you they had Herpes?" or "Are you experiencing symptoms?".. my response to both of those was "No" which they would follow up with recommending me not to get tested because blood tests can be unreliable and simply show a cold sore in your system (I've never had a cold sore in my life). I now wish I hadn't trusted them and insisted on the blood test... at least then I may have known something was testing positive. Now, right after being with my new boyfriend - I have HSV 2. He has mentioned that he has tested negative for it via blood test. He's angry at me for being negligent. Isn't sure if he wants any type of future with me. The Nurse mentioned that the outbreak could be occurring because my body is telling me my immune system is low.. however, I feel I've been in more stressful situations and healthy for the most part, other than a common cold so I can't imagine why it's now weak. I'm so confused and wish I hadn't impacted someone elses life now with this. I hope he tests negative but how likely is that? We had unprotected sex a number of times in a given weekend, where a lot of friction was involved. I wasn't experiencing any sores - but we did have sex while I was somewhat red and sore as I thought it was due to just the intercourse itself. Is it highly likely to transfer then? I'm getting a blood test this Friday, so I appreciate @optimist and @hikinggirl for explaining the differences. I am going to ask which I'm getting when I go in. I know it may not tell me much but I'm honestly hoping it returns negative so I can show him that even if I had tested, it may not have made a difference. I'm sorry to include all of this on your post, @mloops! I'm just looking for some insight as well and our confusion seems similar. I can't imagine my past partners giving me this intentionally. Certainly if I had been more educated, I would've ensured this test was included. @optimist, how is it possible your ex husband never got it? You never had symptoms? I am hoping I experience the same for my boyfriend, but having sex days before the sores appeared is what worries me about him possibly having it. Thank you everyone for your responses and being a part of such a great community for newbies like myself to feel some sort of comfort.
  11. Hey all, I’m looking for a buddy in Ohio. I’m 27 and female. I would prefer a female as well. I’m currently in a relationship, so someone that has a healthy relationship marriage or possibly found out while in a relationship would be greatly appreciated. My partner is H- to my knowledge. Also any general support/conversation would be great as well. Thanks!
  12. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I’m completely ok with abstaining and taking necessary precautions, my challenge has been not puttin too much on my partner too soon. He now wants to slow down, no longer sure about children, having sex in general, etc. We seem to be better today but my personality has always been to get all the answers now and I realize I can’t force him to be OK with this and the simple fact that’s he’s still here, is effort in itself. Was there a period that your partner was doubtful and she eventually came around? I’m slowly getting to a place where it is just Herpes. I hope that gets easier as I understand my body. I feel like this is a life lesson, tough lesson, that God has shown me as a way to one take care of myself (no stress or horrible eating) and to stop making sex such a huge center (I haven’t always been the most responsible). I wish this lesson had been presented before a boyfriend came along, but hey. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you again!
  13. Hello, I’ve been diagnosed with HSV2. I experienced my first outbreak after being with a new boyfriend for the first time. We had unprotected sex numerous times in a weekend, I believe that may be what caused my outbreak for the first time: having sex while sore and no lube. Anyways, now that I have HSV 2 and we had unprotected sex, what’s the likelihood of passing it orally? I gave him oral a couple times after being with him unprotected. Kissing after oral and in general was also involved. He’s not experiencing any symptoms but plans to get tested. Just curious if anyone had any insight on passing this orally? We did wipe off after each time we had sex.
  14. @RegularGuy, your post has helped me tremendously as I just found out this morning and told my partner hours after I found out. The only difference was that I didn't mention when I first experienced my symptoms because it was so crazy to me that I just knew it couldn't be that. I was praying for some rare case of yeast infection that caused this. I can't say I've received the same support. He hasn't mentioned leaving, but it's also not clear that he will continue to be here as he has over the past few months. My main concern is praying that I didn't give it to him. I had my first OB a few days after being with him for the first time. It was unprotected of course. A part of me almost hopes that he doesn't want to be with me so that I can just be alone and not held responsible for his sexual health even if he doesn't have it and we continue to have sex, which I already know will already take a while to get back to for his and my own reasons. I hadn't even thought about the shower situation, so now that's on my mind. I've literally by Lysol-ing every door know, faucet, handles, etc. I'm nervous about towels and sheets when I'm at my moms. Or accidently sharing the soap. This is all a mind fuck. I'm happy to read your growth. Maybe in 45 days I'll feel the same. Maybe this is a lesson I needed for so many reasons... I hope all continues to go well!
  15. Hi All, I was just informed that I have HSV 2. These last few days waiting for those final words have been the hardest, I thought I had gotten all my crying out just from the "maybe". But, hearing for 100% true news today has caused me to feel completely numb and crying at random moments. I've never experienced any symptoms until about a week ago. Although I don't have the best (nor shortest) sexual history, I always considered myself to be pretty responsible - especially when it came to testing. I would get tested for everything every 6 months to 1 year and it would return negative. I would ask for the HSV test numerous times, but my doctors never recommended getting it done because the blood test was unreliable and could simply show having the virus in your system, such as a cold sore (I've never had a cold sore). They mentioned that unless I knew I was with someone that had HSV or I had sores to culture, they didn't recommend completing blood work. So, I never did. Which I am now kicking myself for. I pay close attention to my body, how I feel, and even what my genital area looks like. I've never experienced anything to make me even think that HSV was a possibility. It makes me feel even worse that I have no idea who this came from or how long I've had it. My first outbreak occurred a couple days after being with my new boyfriend unprotected. We had sex multiple times in a given weekend, all unprotected. I was sore after the first few times but I thought it was just due to overdoing it... there was a lot of friction. Of course thinking it was just soreness, we continued to have sex. A day or two later I started experiencing redness, no cuts to my knowledge as it didn't burn when I peed. The a day later I noticed bumps, still thinking it was some sort of Yeast Infection because I got that in Bacterial Vaginosis very easily. Then, I noticed they had turned to sores and it burned to pee. I immediately called the doctor for the appointment. I was in the worst pain of my life, even when she took the cultures. The other symptoms I experienced was feeling like I had a fever, body aches, and swollen lymph nodes on both sides of my groin. At first I thought, my new boyfriend must have given this to me since it happened so soon afterwards. But, I've been informed that the friction could've caused it for the first time. This is so hard to accept because I usually feel any illness fairly quickly. I've always thought I had the immune system that nothing would be dormant for a long time. Now, this. I have HSV and I'm just finding out after just getting into the best relationship I've ever experienced. He doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. Which I understand, especially if his results return that he is negative. Is it likely that he is negative after the experience I previously mentioned we had? We had sex while I was sore, but the bumps and sores weren't present. I'm sorry for this long message. I just needed to get this all out somewhere. Looking for people with similar stories or insight. Luckily the Valtrex is finally helping after five days. I don't know what I'm going to do or how I'm going to live with this. I keep seeing how common it is, how an outbreak could never occur after the first, etc. but I still have herpes. While it is common, it could also be easier for him to find someone without it. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Any calming words. I have no idea why this is happening. I'm kicking myself for never getting blood work to at least just know it was in my system. I don't know why I had to find this out after being with someone new. This would still hurt, but would've been better to know before possibly impacting someone else's life. I appreciate this group and all the information that has been shared. I hope to be as strong as some of you H+ commenters appear to be through all of this.
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