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Everything posted by Username

  1. You're not a disgusting human. He is. The way he is acting is egregious. Document everything. Record threats. Take screen shots of texts. Save emails. He sounds super scary! Depending on how threatened you feel consider reporting this to the police. As for him pressing charges unless he can first prove that he didn't already have it then he can't press charges. Considering that it's nearly impossible to prove there's not much he can do. He'd have to have proof that he had no sexual contact with anyone for three months prior to getting a negative test result. Then show that he did not have any sexual contact between the time he was tested and the time he was with you. Herpes is sneaky. He could already have it and you could have nothing to do with it. People need to chill. If you're having sex you're going to be exposed to herpes. It's everywhere. I'd say you have more of a reason, and a better case, to press charges than get does.
  2. "Long story short, my partner never had any outbreaks and it happened to be one of those rare chances that he possibly had oral herpes and never showed any symptoms..." That's actually not rare at all. In fact 80% of people with HSV have no noticeable symptoms and don't know they have it. Those who experience symptoms are much more rare.
  3. I am so sorry you are struggling so much. Such a minor virus with such a big stigma. Educate yourself. The best you can do is read about HSV. it's really not a big deal. There is no reason to be ashamed. HSV doesn't define who you are, and no one is exempt. I've known virgins who got it genitally from their husband's cold sires. I've known women who enjoyed multiple partners for years before getting HSV. It can happen to anyone. HSV is so common that if you're sexually active it's safe to assume that you very well could end up with it. HPV too. Except HPV can cause cancer and HSV causes a rash that lasts a few days. You should speak with a therapist. It sounds like this is hitting you hard. Committing suicide over something so innocuous would be a terribly sad ending.
  4. Most people feel panicked when they get diagnosed. Every story of how it was contracted is as unique as the person who got it. No one is exempt. I've heard stories from a virgin who got it from receiving oral sex from her husband to someone with many sexual partners who didn't get it until after years of enjoying their sexuality. And yet, we all feel a little bit like we got hit over the head with a baseball bat when we hear, "herpes" from the doctor. During my primary outbreak I kept telling myself this will be the hardest one, both physically and mentally. So far I haven't had a second one so it's hard to say how I'll feel but, at least it won't be as shocking as the first! Accepting this has been a series of tiny corners that I keep turning. There are a plethora of reasons why I felt terrible and bit by bit all my reasons are broken down. I felt like I had failed my children (I didn't), but when I woke up to my child puking on me I realized I'm still the same mom I was a week before. I worried I'd be diseased and in pain, infectious to all who touched me. As I learned about HSV I realized that's not how it works. Life will go on, because it doesn't stop, and you'll just have to move along with it. Your work still expects you do be there. Your job still needs to be done. Your kids still need someone to puke on. Your friends still need someone to get coffee with. And there are lovers out there who need someone to be with. With 70 - 90% of people who have HSV1 or 2, and 80% of those folks don't know they have it, anyone sexually active should assume they'll have it soon enough, if they don't already. It's such a mild virus that most people have no noticeable symptoms. That's probably one reason for its success among humans. If you don't know you have it, you don't know your spreading it. I know it can have serious consequences in a rare minority but for the vast majority it's only herpes. A virus with a stigma that is far, far bigger than the virus itself.
  5. Oh and, @mstanya1224, I don't your story but there's a good chance your husband already had it. It's possible he's the one who gave it to you
  6. @mstanya1234, herpes doesn't kill you. In fact most people (80%) who have herpes never show symptoms. There are several viruses in the herpes family and you likely have a couple of them already. We all do. That's part of being human. HSV just sucks because of the social stigma associated with it. However, if all those people who have it and don't know, knew they had it, the stigma would be gone. Because the fact is, you are in the MINORITY if you're an adult without HSV1 or 2. Hang around here, you'll learn a lot!
  7. I think you can be deployed even if you haveve HSV 1 or 2. If what your boyfriend is saying were true we'd lose over half our military. So you might want to research that little. I'm really sorry you are going through this. I know it can feel deviststing. Especially if the one person who should be supporting us is longer available. I know it feels terrible but the more you learn about HSV the more you'll realize it's not such a big deal. It gets easier. It really does. You will find other partners who don't care, who will support you. Genuinely support and love you.
  8. You didn't spread it. Once you have it on your genitals it's free to roam anywhere in the boxer short area. As for could you have contracted HSV1. Possibly. I'd visit the doctor.
  9. ZERO resentment. The person I got it from is my husband. He had no idea he had it. But he's awesome so I'd get herpes from him any day! It could have just as easily gone the other way, no one is exempt . Actually to be 100% accurate we've never gotten tested but I had a visual diagnosis and a negative IgG, so the assumption is that he's an asymptomatic carrier, but who knows. We never went on to get tested because neither of us cared.
  10. Has your partner been tested? If bit he should be tetsed. He might already have HSV. If it's the same type as yours there will be no reason to avoid transmission. If he has been tested and he is negative then of course there is always the risk that he could acquire it from you. Even with a condom. If he's willing to take the risk of not using a condom I don't believe being intact.increases the risk of HSV transmission.
  11. Keep us posted, and remember that things will feel normal again. I hope your partner can be the supportive partner you deserve. If you got this from your FWB, it's not like you made the choice for a threesome without your husband's consent. You guys are in this together no matter what his, or your, test results reveal! Having sex has risks. When we engage in sex we assume those risks. Sex is awesome, so the risk is worth it in my opinion.
  12. I know! It's crazy to see how much doctors don't know about this virus. Part of that might be because it's just not clinically significant so they haven't spent anytime learning about it. It may not be clinically significant but for now it's socially significant. Too bad hopefully by the time my kids become sexually active it won't be so blown out of proportion socially.
  13. Chances are HSV2 won't come back orally so you'll only be dealing with genital outbreaks. And like all herpes it getsess severe and less frequent over time so it'll get better.
  14. You owe people a disclosure not a sexual autobiography. And if anyone who wants to sleep with you thinks you're a whore, find someone else to sleep with. No slut shaming. (:
  15. It's also possible the boyfriend you lived with was never tested for it. Most doctors don't bother with it because of the situation you're in. They figure most will never experience symptoms so it's not worth the drama a positive result might cause.
  16. HSV is so common, especially HSV1. If someone has it, the norm is for them not to have noticeable symptoms. So he can contemplate it all he wants but statistically speaking he probably already has it. And if he doesn't, he likely will be with someone soon enough who does. The only difference between you and everyone else who has it is that you know and they don't. I hope he doesn't think too much of this. Seeiously, it's only herpes, people. Good luck!
  17. So you have HSV1. If your partner is concerned , or if you want to continue engaging in threesomes) he should start with getting tested. As mentioned before he could already have it and be asymptomatic like most people with it. It's even possible he is the one who gave it to you. If he has it it's business as usual. If he doesn't have it you guys can take some easy and minor precautions. I know some people get hit hard by HSV but most tolerate it well. As for your kids, wear a band-aid if you have a Whitlow lesion, and don't kiss them if you have an oral outbreak. Even then, herpes is so common they might get it anyway, or they might already have it. It's common. It usually causes no or very minor symptoms. It's stigma is HUGE. Way, way bigger than the virus deserves. Your bottom was swabbed, but what about your finger? Your throat?
  18. If you test IgG positive (assuming it is not a false positive) you have HSV. I've heard other people say their doctor said the same thing but an exposure without actually contracting the virus will not result in your body making antibodies. Your body makes antibodies to HSV only if you have the virus. And the bit about if it's an initial outbreak it'll be bad is also incorrect. 80% of people who have HSV have no noticable symptoms. The reason I say no *noticable* symptoms is because although most have ZERO symptoms some have mild symptoms that are over looked or not noticed. Of note is that it takes about 3 months post exposure for your body to produce enough antibodies to show up on a test. So if you're already testing IgG positive it's safe to assume your initial exposure was anywhere from 3 months to several years or more ago. Good luck!
  19. Whatever the test results I'm confident you will soon find out that life can and will go on as usual with small changes. We all have health issues as we age. Herpes, thyroid, diabetes, back pain, warts, cancer... Some are life changing and difficult, others are pretty minor. I know it doesn't feel minor but I'm telling you HSV is one of the minor ones. I felt devastated at first but now, four months in, this has hardly been a small footnote in my life.
  20. @birdsandbutterflies, my story is so similar to yours. I had what appeared to be a genital herpes outbreak. I had a visual diagnosis but tested IgG and IgM negative. So either it's not herpes or it's a recent exposure and I just hadn't had time to build antibodies. I've been with my husband monogamously for 15 years and neither of us have ever had any symptoms orally or genitally. The assumption is that if I do have HSV I had to have gotten it from him and that would, of course, make him an asymptomatic carrier. He never went to get tested and I never went back to get a confirmation IgG test because neither of us really care.
  21. You are going through a lot. I'm so sorry. You have a lot of concerns and questions. I don't think I can answer all of them but let me try to help with some. Has your long term partner been tested? Get him tested. HSV is so common he might already have it and just not be symptomatic. Roughly 80% (I've heard everywhere from 70 to 90%) of people have HSV 1 or 2. Of those folks 80% have no noticeable symptoms. If your partner falls into that category your sex life can carry on as usual. If your partner is negative it's not uncommon for discordant couples (one positive and one negative) to go through their entire relationship without passing HSV. Antiviral medication decreases your chance of spreading it. Couple that with condoms and the chances are very low. Maybe someone with stats can post the numbers. As for spreading it to your kids, it's my understanding Whitlow doesn't shed without a sore due to the tough skin of our fingers. And if a sore is present a bandaid should be enough to prevent transmission. Maybe someone with more experience can chime in. I've also read that 1/3 of kids have HSV 1 before they even make it to grade school so if your Whitlow is type 1 chances are your kids will get it anyway, with or without you. And if they have it they'll probably never know like most folks with HSV. As for contacting your FWB, absolutely let her know. HSV may not even be something they test for with egg donation so she might have no idea of her status. Keep us posted and fill us in with your lab results.
  22. @pinkbutterfly, how are things going? It's been almost two months since your original post and I'm wondering how things are.
  23. @presentmoment, that's fantastic! I bet of that were a common side effect of herpes people would be lining up to get it!
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