blackwhitegrey

Hi, I am hoping that anyone can offer any opinions or thoughts about the predicament I find myself in. I was diagnosed with HSV2 exactly a year ago, and it's been incredibly difficult for me. I'm a gay guy in my 20's, and it hasn't been easy for me to embark on a healthy relationship due to some of my own internalized homophobia. I've also dealt with some depression and anxiety for several years, which led me to some unhealthy sexual behaviors. Long story short, I got HSV2, and since then it worsened my self esteem (which was pretty low to begin with) and my sense of worth as a person, and I was celibate for the first 6 months of diagnosis, and also got on daily valtrex to make myself feel better, because for some psychological reason, it made me feel less "dirty" even when I wasn't having any sex. Recently, I met this guy who I find attractive and have a really great connection with (which is incredibly rare for me), and we've gone on 4 dates so far. Problem is, we ended up having unprotected sex (once anal, twice oral) before I got a chance to tell him, and now it's eating me away with guilt. I do not know how I can get out of this situation now, and I do not want to lose him. We've already talked about how much we like each other, and now I really feel like I dug myself into a hole that I can't get out without looking incredibly selfish and not-trustworthy, and I hate that. I've also never been in a long-term relationship, and it makes me nauseous to think that my inability to disclose this to him will irreparably damage his perception of me as a person. I also feel sick that because of my own weakness, I have now exposed someone I really like to the virus, and it makes me self loath even more. Worst of all, I haven't told anyone about my diagnosis so far, and I do not know who to turn to for help and advice. Please help!