nanhah

Hi there, First of all, you can talk to me. I know its maybe just an internet buddy, but really it helps. Second of all, do not feel trapped! It is obvious to me that this guy is not trustworthy and has been acting shady. Now he doesn't even support you? Not worth your time. I was diagnosed on my 19th birthday, never having been in a relationship before. I felt like I had ruined my life, and that no one would ever love me, and that I deserved a lonely life. Nearly a week after, I met someone. I was dealing with unbelievable amounts of shame and quilt and depression etc all that good stuff. I thought the last thing that would come out of this would be a relationship. BUT, he was the most supportive person in my life. He didn't care about h, he didn't care about my past. Even before h I never thought I would receive as much unconditional love as he gave me. I would not have been able to heal from this without him. Im telling you this because I want you to know that there are people out there who will value every part of you, even this part! Everyone has imperfections, there is always someone who will overlook them. And remember, its not a label, its not t he first thing people see or think about you. Don't give up your confidence, find someone that will truly support you in your bad times!

I was recently in a situation very similar to yours. It's so important not to blame yourself, the guilt and shame you can carry is toxic. My own unhealthy actions also led to my contraction, but I took it Asa's sign I needed to do some serious healing, emotionally now physically aswell. Try not to to let the virus take over your life, take over its life within your body. When this situation happened to me I had also never had a relationship before. The man I told was upset, but supringingly understanding. The bottom line is you never know how people will react, it could go badly or it could go great. But you have made the choices and cannot ignore the facts. If he leaves he leaves, and you will heal learn and grow from that too. This disease changes your perspective, and once you adapt you will see how it helps to really love and understand yourself. Radical love , radical gratitude will get you through.

I have been struggling with my situation, and am in need of some support from people who understand. So I have here for you a very long and complicated story to tell. I recently found out I have (most likely) contracted herpes, unsure which type. A little over a month ago I discovered a small bump on my labia, and being regularly paranoid I went to the doctor to get a check up and STD screening. She said that the bump was too small to worry about, and all my tests came back negative. A few weeks later, I found out from an ex partner (together for the three months prior)he had passed on hsv to a new partner. I immediately panicked, and checked my results to see that they had not tested for herpes. Almost the day after hearing this prodromal symptoms set in, and by the day of my 19th birthday, with a little research I was positive I had contracted hsv. I was put on valcyclovir before my blood tests came back. I had only one small sore but awful lower back, nerve, pain, fever, thrush etc. The 10-12 days were some of the hardest of my life. Having contracted this at such a young age (18) made me feel awful about myself. I have had an admittedly promiscuous past, and blamed myself for not valuing my own body and health, and for not being educated about the risks involved. All I could think about was what I had done to myself, and how if only I could take back my actions I would have a much better quality of life. When my symptoms started to clear, I finally got my original blood test back, and results were negative. I was now even more confused, though slightly relieved. I got back into my groove, and had a more positive outlook. After a particularly wild night out with old friends, I found myself in an awful situation. I had unprotected sex with a partner while still having straggling symptoms of my outbreak. I was incoherently drunk, but still felt immediate remorse and immense regret upon waking the next day... We ended up spending the next few days together, and to make matters worse, me and this guy actually had a spark. Having only ever been in casual relationships before, I had never felt this way towards someone. The few days after we had sex my symptoms seemed to get worse. I was falling for him, and realizing I had most likely just given him a life long disease. I told him I had tested negative. He has anxiety problems, and had a panic attack, but was still committed to a relationship with me, though I admittedly did not disclose the extent of my outbreaks. I still can not believe something like this has happened to me, and that the only prospect of a relationship I have ever cared about coincided with my first outbreak of herpes. We live on opposite sides of the country, and he has plans to come and see me soon. I still can not come to terms with the situation. After my symptoms returned, I restarted medication and saw another doctor, who told me I was only experiencing eczema at the time. A few days after that appointment I caught a cold and developed another papule. Irritated vulva etc returned, and now I can feel another, larger blister forming on the inside of my labia. It seems I have been having a constant outbreak of some sort for over a month. Possibly triggered by hormones, or by a weakened immune system from the cold. I am terrified to lose him, and I have so much guilt towards what I have done to myself and most likely to him. I can't keep up a relationship hiding this, I know, but I am scared he will suffer panic attacks, especially since the more I share with him the more likely he will realize it is that he has contracted it. He has not mentioned any symptoms. I am at a loss of how to deal with the situation. If you have read this far thank you so much, I hope to hear some guiding words. This forum has helped me so much with trying to accept myself, and my new life with hsv.