beakind

Hi everyone! I'm hoping for some advice and some feedback that would help me better support my HSV2+ partner. I've been in an incredible relationship with an HSV2+ man for the past 9 months. He disclosed to me right away, and it was an a fairly easy decision to keep seeing him, and to take the recommended precautions to avoid transmission. He takes antiviral medication, we use condoms, and we avoid sex during outbreaks. We do not use condoms for oral sex and have had unprotected sex a couple of times. I do have HSV1, which I've had for years, and have not contracted HSV2 (as of an STD test a month ago). We have incredible sex, and very often, and I never think about the fact that he has herpes unless of course he tells me there's an outbreak. Recently he expressed how sad and insecure it makes him feel to continually have mini-disclosure conversations when he's having an outbreak. He views this as a necessary part of being in a discordant relationship, and only admitted this was how he was feeling after I sensed he was feeling off and asked him to talk to me about it. Imagining the emotional toll this takes on him and the little rejection he feels every time he has an outbreak and we don't have sex makes me so sad. I asked how I could support him in holding this emotional load, and he gave me one piece of feedback. He mentioned that after outbreaks are over, I sometimes still want to wait a couple of days just to be safe, and this makes him feel like he's being punished for having it, or that I have lingering disgust about the infection even after the outbreak is gone. I do not feel this way at all. I've read that asymptomatic shedding can still happen days after an outbreak has cleared and I want to be cautious. He says he respects whatever I need to do for myself and my health, but that this comes between our intimacy is hard. I really want to strike the right balance between being cautious and doing what I need to do for myself and completely and wholly accepting my partner. I'm receptive to the feedback that I'm being too cautious, but I don't really know what's appropriate, since this is the first time I've been in this situation. I believe that herpes is mostly stigma and if the relationship were to become marriage-serious, contracting the disease wouldn't be a huge deal if I planned to be with this person for the rest of my life. I don't want him to feel like I'm disgusted with him, ever, and I don't want him to feel like he's being punished. Does anyone have any advice for me on caring for his feelings?