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Thanks for the replies! I asked a male friend who knows I'm H+ what he would prefer, and his thought was that he would prefer to have time to think about it without me being there in person, and since we already knew we were attracted to each other, it was likely that things could get hot and heavy before I found my moment to reveal, so might as well get that out of the way. So I did! I drafted up a long text, had it proofread and edited, and then sent it off! Here's the text: "I want to tell you something sooner rather than later...I have hsv-1, aka herpes. If you aren't familiar with it, I can tell you more about it, no question is off limits, but long story short, it is an STD and there is a 3-4% chance that you could catch it from me. It's not a big deal in my life and I'm on suppressive medication, but I like and respect you, and I want to be upfront about it before our relationship progresses any further so you can make an informed decision about how you want to proceed. I'd rather have told you in person, but you deserve the truth now and I think it's fair to tell you before you visit me." Phew! What a terror. This was his response: "I appreciate you telling me. Honestly, it doesn't change the way I feel about you at all. that is such a small thing that doesn't even come close to outweighing everything that is awesome about you." Now, this guy is super easy-going and laid back, so can't promise the same results with everyone, but as nerve-wracking as it was, telling someone in person was far more painful, so I recommend early reveals.

Sorry if this has been discussed before, but I couldn't find a solid answer/recommendation. TL;DR: Is it better to tell someone about H before they make effort to visit you or to wait to tell them in person? I'm a 29-yo female with HSV 1. I recently met a great guy on Tinder, also 29, who lives a two-hour drive away from me. Last weekend, I went to visit him and we really hit it off. The H didn't come up because I was clear that I didn't want to have sex on our first meeting. Since then, we've been communicating regularly and he seems really into me. He already invited me to his family's Easter! He is coming to visit me this weekend, and even though I still don't plan to have sex with him because I like to take things slow, I feel that given our mutual attraction and the fact that we're both looking for long-term partners, it's fair to tell him sooner rather than later so we both don't get hurt. I've read that it's better to tell someone in person (even though we're millennials who do everything over text). But if it's a dealbreaker, I'd feel bad that he drove all the way down here. Should I tell him before he makes the two-hour drive to stay with me this weekend? He works a night shift so we only have time for quick phone chats... these are my options: 1. Tell him over text today (easiest for me, but probably not ideal) 2. Ask him to call me before he leaves to visit on Friday (awkward? He'd be mulling it the whole drive and could psych himself out instead of getting facts from me) 3. Wait til he gets here and find a "right time" in person. What would you do, and what would you prefer on the receiving end? Thanks in advance. I appreciate the community here!

Ohhhh. Good tip, the lube. I wouldn't have associated the friction, but that makes total sense. And phew! I swear, hearing I had herpes was the lowest point of my life, but this community has been putting rung after rung in front of me so I can climb out of that hole. Thank you!

I hope someone has an answer to this; I found out about four months ago, had sex for the first time yesterday (He didn't reject me! Yay!), and now I have a bump. I didn't realize sex could CAUSE outbreaks... now I'm scared I was pre-outbreak already and therefore more contagious and might have had a higher likelihood of giving it to him. :(