Well, I've had H for 18 years now, I've had many partners... Only once have I given it to someone, which didn't end up in an explosion, but we also were never close either and nothing came of it. What I want now is a partner to Trust and is Honest, I know that I have to tell them. I'm thinking of just telling one this week... and see how it goes, because I want to further the relationship with the old flame.
I've just read ALL of the information that Adrial gives you for free download and it is really amazing. I'm seeing that I've already gone through the 5 stages of grief a long time ago - and that I have been disclosing to my partners, and you know things have always gotten better after I told them, because I trusted them and more trust was built so we continued a relationship. I have to remember the end goal, or I am wasting their time and my time.
The stage of Acceptance, I think I am still working through this somewhat. I've been listening to the phone calls provided through Adrian, and I really like the term "normalize" it in my life. I want to actually tell more people so that I don't feel like I am harbouring a secret, and therefore giving it more power by it's silence.
In my day-to-day life, herpes does not bother me. When it really bothers me, is when I am dishonest, and not closely connected to someone. Telling them has always deepened my connection. So, in the past, I would say, "it's not really a big deal," I would say the same today... only I have to now consider their feelings of being hurt because I did not tell them beforehand. I believe that the right framing here is really important. This is a little harder to disclose in this case because I was not honest upfront.
I have learned recently that A LOT of my past behaviours have been because of my beliefs that came about as a result of H and me telling myself a lot of lies. I've convinced myself that I don't love this guy and then I can stop seeing him and move on. But in truth, I have real feelings for him, and I WANT to know where it will go... and there is only ONE way to build a solid foundation, and that is on TRUST.
I will be telling the one guy because I can see him as a potential partner... and the other... I'm going to put the breaks on it, and likely let him go. If anything happens down the road with him, I am going to let him know... because I know that I would want someone to tell me, just so that I don't feel so hurt by betrayal. It is the part of the silence, the secret, that makes it hard. If it is "normalized" by talking about it, and downplaying it, when it's out in the open, that's when life happens.
If I tell him, and he accepts, great, if not, that's ok too, at least I can move forward. Staying stuck on him in my mind really sucks. Besides, there are other obstacles to over come, and we are not through any of them yet.
Herpes is only part of my life, not my whole life. I am enough, I am still an awesome person, with plenty going for me. So, I'm going to let him know, and see where things land. He still has to prove himself as a good partner... and that I am curious to see how it will pan out.