DoHope35

Hello IJWFB, I’m glad that you are considering disclosing to someone. Disclosing doesn’t have to be difficult but the stigma is so heavy it makes it so daunting to think about what to say and how others will respond. I haven’t disclosed yet as this person is actually still on vacation. They return today and I see them Saturday. However what has been helpful is learning from @Flowerteacher55 and @livingbeyond. I found out that this person is actually going through something themselves and while I want to be cautious it’s important to live in my truth and also know my worth along with value and everything that I am besides having HSV. I have found it helpful to only tell this person if we decide to move forward in a relationship (since we’ve been friends for almost 2 years). I have also mentioned something along the lines of it on the phone so for me it makes it a little easier to have the conversation (they actually said something about it yesterday and I provided just a bit more information to gauge their understanding). I have a “script” that I’ve prepared but i also want it to feel like a conversation and not a monologue or pity party. So that’s where I’m at with that. I’ve accepted to feel/be hopeful regardless of the outcome. So I’ll see about providing an update soon. I hope this helped 🙂

@Flowerteacher55, You’re absolutely correct about how someone else responds to what we say and though I have no control over that I do want to ask for permission as to if it’s a good time to talk, one about where our friendship/relationship is going and what we are calling it so that we have clarity and can be on the same page and two about the disclosing. A part of me wants to be upset because I easily put 2 and 2 together but that’s so much wasted energy and I know it doesn’t change the facts now. I’ve been doing a lot of reading to familiar myself with how common herpes is and it’s not this big scary thing but more so something that comes and goes. I will be messaging you soon. Thank you for communicating with me. It makes me feel so much more confident.

@Flowerteacher55 thank you so much for providing such uplifting and kind words. I was actually not as shocked when the results confirmed it because I was so tired of the back and forth of "it is"/ "it is not" and once you are told something as you have herpes and then they say "no never mind" it's not easy to erase out of a person's head, especially mine. What is helping is the fact that he is out of town right now. He has shared with me before being mentally unfit and emotionally unstable so my biggest fear is this information exacerbating what he already feels rather than me saying it. I have kind of worked up the nerve to saying what I want to say and I hope to share it with you, maybe in a private message just to see how that sounds. I want it to be direct but I also know people have a choice of what they want to do and I will be fine either way. The stigma is just so deeply rooted in the idea of herpes being "nasty" and a person being "promiscuous" when indeed someone didn't share it with me and I was faithful on my end though they were not. I'm just ready for him to return so we can have these necessary conversations. I really appreciate your kindness and for tagging @livingbeyond. I hope to chat with her soon!

For a few years now I have had a few Inconclusive test results that left me unsure of my HSV2 however today marked an actual accurate reading confirming herpes. As an African American woman I’m finding it extremely difficult to disclose within the African American community. I have been spending time with this guy for almost two years but we haven’t made anything official. I plan on asking him about the direction we want to go with things but I’m having trouble disclosing. we’ve both been through a lot especially within relationships and I don’t want to hurt him but I want to be sensitive too. Any advice is helpful. Thank you.

@nobody555, I really appreciate that. Some days are harder than others but you’re right, I am amazing and have so much to offer. I know without a doubt that he deserves to know because I don’t want to hurt him when he has done nothing wrong to me. We have sincere conversations and we are able to talk like true adults. He is truly worthy of knowing all of me as I want to continue to learn about him.

This was helpful @nobody555. That’s makes sense and it doesn’t have to exactly answer my question to get something out of it. You were right when you said a lot of us didn’t have a choice, and that’s why I’m so concerned because he is such an amazing man and he deserves to know and to decide. I know I will tell him it’s just when. I told him a similar situation with a friend and he was sincere so I I won’t hold it from him.

Hi Everyone, I was diagnosed with HSV 1&2 two year ago and to be exact it was February 14, 2018. It wasn’t great and during the time when I told my boyfriend he did not take it well and the relationship wasn’t healthy at all. Two years later, here I am talking to this AMAZING guy who is different from any past experience. We are taking our time and getting to know each other. It’s been about 3 months (23rd) and though we don’t talk about having sex when that time comes it would be helpful to know what to say (since in my past relationships it hasn’t gone well). What are some of the conversations you had when you disclosed? What did you say? Was it successful? Thanks 😊

Hi, I love to success stories. I’m 25 years old and I have had HSV 1&2 since February 2018. I found out on Valentines Day and the experience with my boyfriend wasn’t great. However now it’s been 2 years and I have been getting to know this guy for 3 months now. It’s not a long time and sex has not come up. I want to tell him because he’s amazing but we aren’t at that place to do that (or maybe we are). We take things slow which I appreciate because I haven’t had that in past relationships. How did you know it was the right time to tell him at 4 months?

Thank you Sarah. I appreciate your responses and honesty in giving me advice of how to move forward.

Sarahsfocus, not sure if you read any previous messages but he is coming over today and I said I am going to tell him today because I rather do it face to face.

Yes, I do. Is that the same as valacyclovir. If I may ask how is that different from any other suppressive therapy with exposure?

We had sex, but I do not think I exposed him to anything. I just want to have the conversation with him face to face versus through text. He is coming over tomorrow.

Hi VhYolo, I have to talked to him everyday since and tomorrow will make a month having conversation. I haven’t disclosed to him as we only became sexual that one time, however if he /we decide we want to be sexual again, I have found a comfortable way to disclose. This is what I plan on saying: “ I was exposed to a versus that cause me to have a skin condition. The medical term is HSV but it is also called herpes. I take medication for it everyday and since I’ve been exposed i haven’t exposed anyone else and I would not like to expose you either.”

Hi Everyone, Ive been diagnosed with HSV-1 & HSV-2 for over a year now and I have just got back into the dating scene. I took most of the year clearing my mind, educating myself and wrapping my head around how to live with this and continue my life. I met this guy. He’s African American, I don’t know if that matters but we had a couple drinks and became sexual. I feel awful now because I didn’t tell him before him that I have a virus named herpes. How do you disclose? What do you say? How do you say it? I really need tips.

Thanks @kinator and @amber1326. I’m taking all of this into consideration. I think I’m going to try the one I have once more to see if I react to it and I’ll try not to shave too close. However, I have been looking at other trimmers that may potentially work better.

I’ve been a carrier since February. It’s more so when I’m laying on my side or if something rubs against it like my underwear/pants, but it’s not my pants all the time. I try to wear cotton or yoga pants. I’ve heard of prodrome symptoms but I’m not exactly sure what that is. However it’s more consistent when I’m applying pressure to that side like when I’m laying down. I don’t normally have an outbreak following, if I do I don’t really notice it. My first one was February when I first became a carrier, the second one from shaving/stress and the last one was from getting in the pool right after shaving which caused irritation. So I can’t say I notice and outbreak right after.

Hi everyone, I have both HSV 1& 2 and I have a question about it. So my first outbreak was in the labia major (outer labia) and even when I don’t have an outbreak if I lay on that particular side or wear a certain pair of jeans it gives me a weird feeling. I’m not sure what that means or what that is. It’s somewhat hard to explain.

Thank you @rainyfeather. Everyday I’m getting stronger and feeling good about the decision to end the relationship because I kept believing and was under the impression that he would be the only one willing to be with me because I have herpes. I have to stop thinking that way because he was just becoming toxic.

Thanks @Dallyd. I can admit that it is the fear of rejection because it took awhile to just get to the level of self-esteem that I have now. Having to say “xxxx, I have herpes” is just an added level of rejection to lower my self-esteem. I can say that I can look in the mirror and still like the person I see, I just don’t know how to properly deliver the message.

I actually have one of those! I used it but I JSU have cut too close honestly. I’ll try it again or I may even buy another one to see how that works. Thank you

Hi everyone, i was diagnosed with HSV 1&2 back in February. Since then I have had 3 OBs however I believe one was due to shaving as I started feeling tingling soon after and decided to take my Valtrex to stop it as soon as possible. I’m so scared to shave because I don’t want to get another outbreak, because I’m really 99.9% sure that was what caused the 3rd one. Do you all shave and how can I prevent having an outbreak when shaving?

@Gina99 you’re right. I would never not let a person know. I would never forgive myself of that. Once I really come to terms with it then I can move to the next step... love & if course for it to find me instead of me searching for it. I’m going to take it slow and focus on what matters right now.

Thanks @Gina99. It is really about self love and self esteem and I definitely do love myself. I’m actually a really good catch! I think the bigger thing is if I do get serious with someone having to disclose this to them and I don’t want to! But it wouldn’t be fair to them because I sure wish the person I got it from told me.

@CatMom. Thank you. I am so appreciative of you. I will make sure to definitely reach out to you. Like right now at this moment I am okay but I know that feeling will come back again but I’m trying to just continue to educate myself and take my life a day at a time without stressing.

Sometimes I don’t know how to feel. Sometimes I am happy and I feel alright but then when I get home by myself the feeling comes back. I’ve been diagnosed with HSV 1 & 2 since February and since then I have had 3 outbreaks. I don’t know if this is enough to classify as doing suppressive therapy but I am just over this whole thing. I am just really down, and I really don’t know what to even say or write. I am official done with my old boyfriend as everything that goes wrong with him or anytime we get in an argument me having HSV is the first thing bought up. He even told me that no man would want me or put up with me because I have herpes. That crushed me, and I never want to talk to anyone again because he really said negative things about me. He makes me wonder if he would spread my business on social media or what could possibly happen. I’m so scared to disclose for that reason. I just don’t know what to do.