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  1. I told my psychologist that i joined an online support group for herpes. I told her how much i liked it and listed the benefits. However she said , sometimes online support groups cause one to be more depressed or anxious because of others strong opinions. Especially if you already suffering mentally because of this illness. She shared a powerful article too. Read this everyone: "How herpes became the sexual boogeyman" She also said. The illness itself is not what most people fear but it's the stigma attached to it that has caused the fear shame and guilt. For those who struggle with disclosure: She also said we should find courage in our vulnerability. I asked another psychiatrist why people do those evil things? (this is specifically who were victims of sexual predators like myself. The guy purposely gave it to me. ) Her response was that its human nature to be selfish and sometimes other people are battling their own demons. It's just sad that they drag innocent people in their own battles. She also said (this is the most important part) ‼you never know what people are capable of doing as such it's your responsibility to protect yourself against the unseen. ‼
  2. I am a newley 20 year old college student. As you can see from my display name, I'm not taking this news well. What makes it worse is, I'm still trying to pin point who I got this from. Not because I've had multiple sexual partners, but because my past 3 recent partners made it seem as if, everything was okay butt I can't blame anyone for not knowing. I recently told two friends who are extrememly supportive but I really want a friend who can relate so if you're in your 20s, female, and a college sttudent, please contact me, I need someone who can relate in my life. It's really hard trying to cope and acceot this, I can't help but think this was a mistake in the labs or maybe a cure will happen. I can't go through a day without crying or contemplating suicide. I know this is something not worth losing my life for, trust me, I've had thoughts like this in the past and never went through but not being able to feel like my old self again is so hard. I have HSV1, I'm not sure which but I think genital, I plan to go back to the lab for more questions. Will i ever find love? how can i watch relationships on TV without feeling inadequate. I've never been in a relationship so this diagnosis only makes matters worse. I'm young and I can't even really experince or live my life I feel. Does anyone have any advice about moving forward or any coping mechanism?
  3. Hi all, It's been a long time since I visited here. But feel the need to tell a little of my battle since 2014 with what my Infectious Disease Dr. calls "the most aggressively virulent case of disseminated HSV2" he's ever treated. What does that mean? It means I have it everywhere. Literally there is no part of my body that has not had blisters in the last 48 months. Well, I contracted this strain of HSV2 from my wife who is asymptomatic Fall of 2014. As happens, it went undiagnosed and untreated for too long. After a week or two, I had 27 ulcers on and around my genitals. Cut ulcers, round ones, rectal, everywhere. At one point was taking 4 GRAMS of acyclovir per day and it did nothing. During the undiagnosed period, I spread the virus into my mouth, and orofacial nerve system. 4 months after my genital primary outbreak came the oral outbreak. The entire hard palate of my mouth and throat became a 2 inch ulcer. I could not eat soft foods without gargling with Lidocaine and codeine liquid first. This lasted 3 weeks. Again, antivirals were used (all 3, acyc, valacyc, famvir) to no effect. My eyes became involved, beard area, and every surface of my mouth. At one point along my gums I counted 37 tiny ulcers with a flashlight. It was, I thought, the end of my life. The depression that coincided (I am bipolar as well) was the blackest pit one can imagine. I saw 7 different doctors. I took a lot of narcotic pain relievers. Acupuncture, reiki, chinese herbalists, naturopaths, psychiatrists, ID, dermatology, you name it. They all could not believe at the time this was all HSV related. But it was. I knew it. We all know it deep in our hearts and gut. I had every immune and blood test known to medicine. There is nothing else but this. This virus is the modern scourge of mankind. This all happened within 6 months. Then, as it does, the virus slowly retreated into my nerves. Outbreaks became less severe, though still absolutely nonstop on some part of my body. I had whitlow on fingers and toes. Clusters of blisters on my arms, scalp, back, neck, and lower legs. If I brushed against something that irritated my skin, an outbreak began within 12-18 hours. Am I trying to claim the worst experience ever? No. I am here because I survived. I am now still taking daily doses of both Valacyclovir and Famvir, alternating 3 times a day. I take every supplement. I have found a psychiatrist who understands what this does to our minds and souls. My bipolar is being handled with success for the 1st time in my adult life. I got married, and we now have a beautiful healthy 6 month old boy. There are times when I am covered in bandages so I can hold him without worrying of infection, but somehow it works. If I can live with this, we all can. It has made me treat my body like the temple it is. I don't drink, smoke, eat processed foods or sugar, wear sunscreen, sunglasses, bathe in epsom salts and oils, drink water with decaf green tea all day. There is still some viral activity every day. A nerve twinge, a lump of hot skin erupting. But I have found ways to stop or lessen the pain and duration. 1. Anasept gel (amazon prime). This is a wound cleaning gel or spray that is used in hospitals and kills very gently almost all microbes. Think of it as Lysol for the skin. It is used for burn victims and people with bed sores, diabetic ulcers, etc. I am shocked that nowhere online can I find mention of it with HSV. You can use this anywhere including the genitals and anus. I keep a tube of this in the car, in my desk, and in every bathroom. 2. Bactine. This is less effective for me than the Anasept, but still works to calm the skin after sex, swimming, golf and sweating, etc. I keep this everywhere as well and it is available in almost every store. 3. Orajel max strength triple medicated gel. This is the only thing I have found OTC for the mucous membranes and hard surfaces of the mouth and inside the nose. Every night before bed I put it on my tongue and coat my mouth, as dryness tends to have me wake with new blisters. 4. Anti-dandruff organic shampoos. I use a lavender one that has helped control the large blisters on the scalp and back of the neck. 5. Ice. Always. 6. Biofreeze menthol spray. If I have been in the sun, and my shoulders start to tingle, or my low back, I apply this liberally. Cooling and therapeutic to calm the skin. 7. Faith and prayer. I have never had spirituality or faith in a higher power until the last several years. I cannot stress enough the power of prayer to calm the body, heart, and mind. I hope this helps. Modern medicine does little for me, but treating these bastards as soon as I sense them is helping me survive and even thrive. If I can do this, you can too. I wish for you all the love and peace in the universe. -J
  4. 4 days in with my hsv-1 diagnosis and I have been a mess to say the least. My newly discovered positive results have me not so positive, which is very unlike me. I cry about the diagnosis, I cry about my future and I just cry. My sister is a doctor and has been extremely helpful in this, but also tells me to just confide in her (which I know I will appreciate in the long run not telling just everyone about this) but also somewhat shameful. I find myself being upset for my family and friends? As if this somehow impacts their life just knowing me (someone with herpes now). I still hookup with one of my exes casually when I visit home and the idea of losing him completely makes me breakdown even more. I know I shouldn't, but I feel extremely unlovable and undesirable. I have never thought of myself as unattractive but now when I look in the mirror I just see disgust and start crying. I want to think of it as just a skin problem, but the idea i could give it to someone else down the road and them potentially feel like this, makes me feel sick. My sister convinced me to just do life normal and see how it doesn't impact me, and while its true my feelings about myself have changed, which in turn has changed life (for now at least). I went out with my friends and all I could think of in the back of my mind was how different I am than everyone. I was looking around thinking "who else is like me" the stats are so high at least some of these people at the bar have to be like me. right? I'm really glad I have my sister to ask the very obvious questions like "well you weren't different last weekend when you didn't know.." And I get that but I was happy last weekend in my bliss of not knowing. I hate the day I found out, it brought my world into a swirling black hole of sadness. I'm taking the medicine because I can't imagine how I would feel if I had another outbreak so soon. The idea of being the fun, loud, loving person I was a week ago feels like a whole lifetime ago and unreachable now. I can breakdown at just the thought this diagnosis may change who I am completely. I don't want to be upset about something so stupid, my outbreaks are more around my anus - not sure why but I am weirdly grateful for that? My vagina isn't any different but I don't ever want to touch it or look at it again, so why should I ever expect someone else to? Is this just going to take time? I'm going to look into finding a professional to talk to, but in the mean time do you have any suggestions on how to just move on? Or honestly, just some support would be comforting as I feel very isolated and lonely.
  5. So I am having a really really tough time right now. I officially found out I’m HSV2 positive back in May. That being said, I went to my doctor and she gave me 3 fills of valtrex for when I think I’m having an OB. (3 days at 2 tabs per day) ok I’ve had 2 OB in the last 3 weeks and I’m about to lose my shit. The valtrex does not stop the blisters (she told me if taken soon enough I shouldn’t even see blisters) and the OBs are getting WORSE sand CLOSER together. Guys I’m seriously close to going off the deep end. I thought I could handle this and be upbeat because shit happens but is this my life now? Like seriously an OB 2 times a month? My anxiety is sky high-which isn’t helping the OBs- but I work out, I eat well, I sleep a ton. I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO but idk if I can live like this. This constant fear that every tickle/itch/bump is an OB. How can I tell if it’s actually an OB or a just an itch? I’m so upset please please if anyone has an advice or suggestions I would so appreciate it. I haven’t even left my bed in a day because I feel like a diseased faker who is harboring this awful secret but pretending to be normal and I just can’t anymore. I’m at a total loss.
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