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  1. Here is my story. I had contracted herpes (HSVII/genital) in 2012 from a partner who *claims* he didn't know. I was naturally devastated, but luckily had been on road trip with said partner, and honestly being away from home distracted me from the bizarreness of it all, at least temporarily. I could be distracted with all the adventures that we had planned for the trip. And surprisingly this partner was totally not freaked out by this new diagnosis, let alone current symptoms/outbreak. Over the years I had managed to disclose successfully to a handful of different partners. Most of them came around and we had full-fledged relationships, ending for other reasons, but mostly on good/decent terms. However, in September of 2018 I had met this one guy and failed to disclose to him. He was everything (I thought) I wanted and thus I was greatly ashamed & intimidated about disclosing. Then, what I will call "the perfect storm" happened and I failed to disclose before sex. I'll skip the details about that here. But I do have another post where I got into trouble with him being angry from having told him after the fact. Fast forward to about 6 months later. I had been working hard, and even enrolled in courses to propel my career, just hoping to redeem myself and help build greater self-confidence in order to prevent the weakness I had experience previously. Having started to feel stronger and better about myself, I put myself out on a dating website. I had so much interest and quickly met a great guy that I started to build a connection with. I thought I would have the courage to tell someone within the first few dates, but it started getting close to six dates, and I was growing increasingly anxious. After I had made the terrible mistake with the previous guy, I was sure I would have the confidence to tell just about anyone, but that seemed to have faded, and I struggled all over again with shame and (lack of) self-confidence. One night we had a miscommunication that upset me, and he was so apologetic and sincere, that it became clear to me that this man was dedicated, so I thought F-it! If he's so dedicated there's one quick way to be sure. Also, in the weeks leading up to this, I had run it through my head that I could approach with the mentality/attitude that *he* needs to be okay with this if we are going to progress. And by that I meant it's *his* responsibility to be cool with this (not mine). I finally got myself to a point where I don't feel like I need to take full responsibility for someone accepting something about me that I cannot change and that I didn't really get the decision to. I no longer need to take responsibility for whether someone else can make a reasonable rational decision based on facts, and that me already knowing, sharing/disclosing, and protecting myself (& my partner) is a lot LESS riskier than had he continued dating so many other people, many of which could have it and not know it or not be able/willing to disclose in advance properly. So that night I texted him to get his butt over to my place and that we needed to have a talk. He hurried over and was scared that he had done something wrong. I quickly reassured him that wasn't the case. We walked over to a cute little suspension bridge in my neighborhood, where we could have privacy from neighbors, and then I managed to cough up the news like hairball (awkwardly). He immediately stopped me and told me that even though he hasn't dated many people, it wasn't the first time he had a relationship with someone who had this. He barely let me finish and then hugged me and reassured me. Then we continued walking the neighborhood and he took that as an opportunity to bring a few other important topics to the table, nothing related to this site. I felt amazing, redeemed & relieved, and finally proud of myself. I hope this lil story helps at least one person. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Oh, and no judgements from me if you are struggling or fail to disclose. I'm here to do my best to educate & encourage so you don't continue making these mistakes.
  2. I started dating a guy a few weeks ago. Earlier in the night, prior to having sex he confessed he had had a mouth sore and didn't know what it was so he consulted his dentist, who told him simply he has herpes. And then he added he doesn't have genital herpes. Later that night we started to have sex and I chickened out on my own status (HSV II - more details in other posts). It wasn't until a week later, when he was supposed to come visit me, that I finally was able to confess. But my question/issue isn't about the disclosing per se. It's after the fact. I told him he should go get tested immediately to confirm he doesn't already have it and then again later (whenever his doctor recommends, as it seems there are varying time frames to wait for the antibodies to build up). He resisted/denied my request for getting tested right away, claiming he had already been tested for EVERYTHING, including HSV. But now, a day later, I'm wondering why his story doesn't seem to jive. He claims he recently had a mysterious mouth sore, and that his dentist (visually) diagnosed it as herpes (more obivously type I). So how could he claim he was surprised by this recent symptoms/diagnosis, when he claims he had already been tested for it. He would've come up positive already for at least Type I, no? The mouth sore shouldn't have been a surprise to him, unless he was just making out with someone and somehow got it that way, I suppose. Either way, I'd like to insist he get tested right away, in addition to waiting later. That way we could be sure he doesn't already have it. MY MAIN QUESTION IS: Is that weird of me to ask/insist of him to take a test now? He seemed comfortable taking my word for it that my last test results came back negative for other STIs. But I'd be willing to take it again if he asked/insisted, in fact I plan to anyway. I'd just really like to clear that possibility out right away, so we won't have to wait unnecessarily another 45+ days for a diagnosis.
  3. Well, I really liked this guy. Probably the most amazing & genuine connection I’ve ever experienced in my life. One of those fairy tale, cliche types of feels for this boy. i knew having the talk with him was going to be hard. He was the first person that I wanted to date since being diagnosed so it was terrifying. He made the process so easy. Told me that it didn’t change the way he felt towards me and that he still really really liked me. Score. I thought the hardest part was over. I think it was, but maybe i’m just being a little dramatic with my feelings here but, now i’m hurt. A week goes by and his feelings change; his worried about it and what it’ll do to his body. Totally fair and understandable. But he wants to think about it more. I lose it. Cause I can’t sit around and wait for someone to decide my worth if they have already decided in their head they’re veering in the other direction. So I cried. A lot. In front of him. At home in bed. And driving to work the next day. It really sucks. But ultimately, I hope I become a stronger and more amazing person by doing the right thing. Just can’t see it now but hey, it’ll be okay. We’ll all be okay eventually. Sometimes it’s just harder.
  4. Hi. I have genital HSV1. I had my first outbreak in early 2016, and then didn't get my second outbreak until 2 and a half years later (this past July). Thinking I would never get it again because it's genital HSV1, the shock and shame I felt was so intense. When I had the 2nd outbreak I happened to have just started dating this amazing guy who I'm still with now. When I disclosed to him, he was so kind about it and really calmed my nerves and shame. He takes supplements that I give him to helpfully help his immune system, and as far as we know (knock on wood) he hasn't gotten it yet, hopefully. Anyway, for other reasons, I feel like I want to break up with him. But every time I think about breaking up with him, I remember how nice he was about my OB and how not a lot of people are. I used to not tell people because I figured it wouldn't happen again being HSV1 and if we were safe it was fine (not the right mindset I know), so I wasn't worried about being on the dating scene before my 2nd OB. But now that I had my 2nd OB I'm terrified to date again and have to disclose AGAIN and possibly be rejected. Has anyone been in a similar experience?
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