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Found 8 results

  1. Here is my story. I had contracted herpes (HSVII/genital) in 2012 from a partner who *claims* he didn't know. I was naturally devastated, but luckily had been on road trip with said partner, and honestly being away from home distracted me from the bizarreness of it all, at least temporarily. I could be distracted with all the adventures that we had planned for the trip. And surprisingly this partner was totally not freaked out by this new diagnosis, let alone current symptoms/outbreak. Over the years I had managed to disclose successfully to a handful of different partners. Most of them came around and we had full-fledged relationships, ending for other reasons, but mostly on good/decent terms. However, in September of 2018 I had met this one guy and failed to disclose to him. He was everything (I thought) I wanted and thus I was greatly ashamed & intimidated about disclosing. Then, what I will call "the perfect storm" happened and I failed to disclose before sex. I'll skip the details about that here. But I do have another post where I got into trouble with him being angry from having told him after the fact. Fast forward to about 6 months later. I had been working hard, and even enrolled in courses to propel my career, just hoping to redeem myself and help build greater self-confidence in order to prevent the weakness I had experience previously. Having started to feel stronger and better about myself, I put myself out on a dating website. I had so much interest and quickly met a great guy that I started to build a connection with. I thought I would have the courage to tell someone within the first few dates, but it started getting close to six dates, and I was growing increasingly anxious. After I had made the terrible mistake with the previous guy, I was sure I would have the confidence to tell just about anyone, but that seemed to have faded, and I struggled all over again with shame and (lack of) self-confidence. One night we had a miscommunication that upset me, and he was so apologetic and sincere, that it became clear to me that this man was dedicated, so I thought F-it! If he's so dedicated there's one quick way to be sure. Also, in the weeks leading up to this, I had run it through my head that I could approach with the mentality/attitude that *he* needs to be okay with this if we are going to progress. And by that I meant it's *his* responsibility to be cool with this (not mine). I finally got myself to a point where I don't feel like I need to take full responsibility for someone accepting something about me that I cannot change and that I didn't really get the decision to. I no longer need to take responsibility for whether someone else can make a reasonable rational decision based on facts, and that me already knowing, sharing/disclosing, and protecting myself (& my partner) is a lot LESS riskier than had he continued dating so many other people, many of which could have it and not know it or not be able/willing to disclose in advance properly. So that night I texted him to get his butt over to my place and that we needed to have a talk. He hurried over and was scared that he had done something wrong. I quickly reassured him that wasn't the case. We walked over to a cute little suspension bridge in my neighborhood, where we could have privacy from neighbors, and then I managed to cough up the news like hairball (awkwardly). He immediately stopped me and told me that even though he hasn't dated many people, it wasn't the first time he had a relationship with someone who had this. He barely let me finish and then hugged me and reassured me. Then we continued walking the neighborhood and he took that as an opportunity to bring a few other important topics to the table, nothing related to this site. I felt amazing, redeemed & relieved, and finally proud of myself. I hope this lil story helps at least one person. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Oh, and no judgements from me if you are struggling or fail to disclose. I'm here to do my best to educate & encourage so you don't continue making these mistakes.
  2. I started dating a guy a few weeks ago. Earlier in the night, prior to having sex he confessed he had had a mouth sore and didn't know what it was so he consulted his dentist, who told him simply he has herpes. And then he added he doesn't have genital herpes. Later that night we started to have sex and I chickened out on my own status (HSV II - more details in other posts). It wasn't until a week later, when he was supposed to come visit me, that I finally was able to confess. But my question/issue isn't about the disclosing per se. It's after the fact. I told him he should go get tested immediately to confirm he doesn't already have it and then again later (whenever his doctor recommends, as it seems there are varying time frames to wait for the antibodies to build up). He resisted/denied my request for getting tested right away, claiming he had already been tested for EVERYTHING, including HSV. But now, a day later, I'm wondering why his story doesn't seem to jive. He claims he recently had a mysterious mouth sore, and that his dentist (visually) diagnosed it as herpes (more obivously type I). So how could he claim he was surprised by this recent symptoms/diagnosis, when he claims he had already been tested for it. He would've come up positive already for at least Type I, no? The mouth sore shouldn't have been a surprise to him, unless he was just making out with someone and somehow got it that way, I suppose. Either way, I'd like to insist he get tested right away, in addition to waiting later. That way we could be sure he doesn't already have it. MY MAIN QUESTION IS: Is that weird of me to ask/insist of him to take a test now? He seemed comfortable taking my word for it that my last test results came back negative for other STIs. But I'd be willing to take it again if he asked/insisted, in fact I plan to anyway. I'd just really like to clear that possibility out right away, so we won't have to wait unnecessarily another 45+ days for a diagnosis.
  3. I finally told my boyfriend my little secret. I was terrified. Heart pumping, facts ready, on the verge of crying. We had just watched an episode of dexter so I thought to myself, well it could be worse, I could be a serial killer right? I sent him a text earlier in the night that we needed to talk about something so he would keep asking me about it. Although I pushed it off, I couldn't avoid it. I sat him down and told him about my surprise blood test and what it meant. I told him how much I cared about him and wanted to protect him. I told him he had to not only get tested but also decide if being with me is right for him. He kind of chuckled, which I was offended at first because I was in tears but his response was nothing what I expected. He said "do you think thats going to stop me from being with you?" He told me that I was the most amazing person he's ever met and I made him a better person. While I couldn't stop crying from happiness and relief, he even cracked a joke saying "it was just another bump in the road on the way to the rest of our lives" which I thought was both clever and funny. Really helped me stop being in my head and made me realize how small this issue truly was. He asked a bunch of questions and just held me until I was okay. And guess what? He even had sex with me that night. He did not care. He saw me for me not this disease which I felt nobody would ever see again. He makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and I am seriously on cloud 9 that a beautiful man, inside and out, can treat me with such respect and love even with this little skin condition. Trust me ladies, he is the most handsome man I've ever dated. And sweetest. He texted me this morning telling me that he doesn't know how I do it because he cares even more deeply about me now than before I disclosed. I feel so connected and close with him, something I probably wouldn't have ever experienced without herpes. Who would have guessed herpes gave me something truly positive besides my STD test. haha! I hope this helps anyone feeling down and unloveable because that is just not true. You are worthy of anything you desire; success, happiness, and yes even LOVE.
  4. Hey guys, Recently been going out with someone, a long time interest but the only problem is I truly don't know if I'm herpes negative. Back in August I had an encounter that left me with irritated and burning lips and later on I developed what looks like candidal intertrigo between my inner thighs that is resistant to every fungal cream and oral medication made available to me by prescription and I'm still following up with appointments to see whats up with that , to this day I have not had a traditional outbreak/sores and the only thing that came close was at one point and only once after shaving I had in gown hairs on my scrotum with clear liquid-possibly folliculitis? I've tested negative for everything, negative for type 1 and 2 at 12 weeks by Igg by quest labs here in CA which I believe use the Elisa Blood test that have a 91% sensitivity and 92% specificity for HSV-1 and a greater accuracy for HSV-2, my doubt on truly being negative stems from the to this day constant mild lip burning and inner thigh/groin issues and that the person I last had an encounter with had a red blister on her lip to which she brushed off as a sunburn but in reality I truly believe it was a cold sore and behold 2 days later my symptoms crop up. At 6 months I requested a full std test for everything but for herpes my doctor insisted on a "igm" test despite me wanting the igg and everything came back negative. Truly going through some mental torture about this, only reason doctors haven't brushed me aside as a hypochondriac is because the skin between my inner thighs truly looks abnormal.Feel like I need to end things with this person at this point I couldn't forgive myself If i potentially hurt someone else.
  5. Im in a new relationship, 2 months in. We were having unprotected sex. About 5 days ago I found open painful areas on my genitals including on my clitoris. I went to the dr was diagnosed and started on Valtrex. The pain is so bad. Whats worse is the Dr told me since I had flu like symptoms, enlarged lymph nodes and a fever this was my first infection and my partner infected me. I dont know how to address it with my partner. We are in love, even spoken about marriage and moving in together but he has a temper. My worry is he will deny giving it to me, be angry/aggressive and perhaps even disclose my status publicly. When should I tell him? Face to face or on the phone? I never had any symptoms before I really believe he infected me. I am angry, scared, in pain and hopeless. Any advice would be appreciated.
  6. Im in a new relationship, 2 months in. We were having unprotected sex. About 5 days ago I found open painful areas on my genitals including on my clitoris. I went to the dr was diagnosed and started on Valtrex. The pain is so bad. Whats worse is the Dr told me since I had flu like symptoms, enlarged lymph nodes and a fever this was my first infection and my partner infected me. I dont know how to address it with my partner. We are in love, even spoken about marriage and moving in together but he has a temper. My worry is he will deny giving it to me, be angry/aggressive and perhaps even disclose my status publicly. When should I tell him? Face to face or on the phone? I never had any symptoms before I really believe he infected me. I am angry, scared, in pain and hopeless. Any advice would be appreciated.
  7. So here goes my first post.... i am dating a girl and things are going well and I feel like I need to tell her before things go any further. I am terrified that she is going to run a mile once she knows. I have so much anxiety over this and don't know where to start the conversation. any advise on this topic?
  8. Hey community, I'm wondering if you've ever experienced anything similar? I'm 3 years into my dx and just started dating a nice HSV- guy. For a month I've had this weird itch/pain that feels very different from an outbreak and there's a little bump, but I can't tell if it's an outbreak or not, and it's in a different spot than usual. I've been withholding sex for a month thinking it will go away but it hasn't. I wonder if it's (TMI) a cut from grooming or whatnot. It takes ages to get a gyno appt in NYC and I'm scared he's going to leave me from having to wait so long. Every day feels like a year. What would you do? Also does anyone know of support groups in NYC?
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