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So I finally started dating again after my ex, who gave me the beautiful present of HSV2. We have been broken up for a while but the thought of having to tell someone terrifies me and I held back because of it. Fast forward, I finally decide I'm ready to date. Met a guy who I completely fell for. He was smart, sweet, attractive, honest. Just everything. When it came time to tell him, I could tell the air just changed. I told him I'd give him some time to think about it and to please ask me any questions. Well, he texted me the next day and ended it. Said he couldn't take the chance. I'm devastated. I'm scared of being alone forever. I'm scared of never having great sex again. I'm scared of never being loved. Please please share your positive disclosure stories because I couldbuse some cheering up..

For people who have oral HSV-2, what has been your experience/opinion of disclosing? Do you tell someone before you kiss them? It seems daunting to have to tell everyone I kiss that I have herpes, but I also don’t want to risk spreading it to them without them knowing. I know you can still technically spread it when there aren’t any symptoms, but how easily does it spread through kissing if you are not having any symptoms?

I've been seeing this guy for about a month now and he's everything I've been looking for. Things have been going great and I knew it was time to say something. I have been practicing, reaching out to friends for support and advice...I was terrified. So tonight we had a date and I made it so that he picked me up and our date ended by him dropping me off. We were saying goodnight in the car and I knew it was now or never, I couldn't keep this in anymore. I went through my speech and said what I needed to, and then waited to hear him. He said that it's not a dealbreaker at all and that it changes nothing. He actually thought that there was something wrong with him or that I wasn't sexually attracted to him. I told him it was quite the opposite but that this conversation had to happen first. He thanked me for telling him too. I'm not going to lie, that was one of the hardest things I've ever done but it was the right thing to do and as of now, he's accepted me.

Hi All, I know exactly who gave me GH; I come from a small local community and (I know I sound awful) but I don't want to tell him because that will admit to the community that I have it. I've heard my friends call those type of people "dirty girls" so much and it kills me that they're talking about me and don't even know. I read online about a website where you can enter in the guy's phone number and he'll receive an anonymous notification. Has anyone done this? I want him to be aware so he can prevent spreading it to other girls, but I don't want him to try to turn to it around and say I gave it to him. He is home after being in the marines for 4 years. We slept together a month after he came home. I know for a fact I didn't have anything prior to him. I'm scared that everyone will find out and look at it as the American hero who got herpes from a slut (Me). Please let me know what you guys think.

Hi all, I recently went through a tough experience. I’m struggling mentally with the outcome and could use some advice or if anyone has similar stories that ended differently, for the better. It’s been years since I connected emotionally with a man. I finally meet this guy, he’s about 10 years older than me (I’m 34 by the way). He was perfect for me, so I thought. I wasn’t immediately attracted to him, but he really won me over on our second and third dates. We had so much fun together, talking and laughing. And, we had similar motives and drive in life. After years of searching (and 3 years in between where I’ve been managing my diagnosis) I thought I might have met the one! Well, we spent the night at each other’s places a few times, but no sex! I told him I didn’t want to rush that, and he was respectful. Finally, one night when he spent the night things were escalating and he was saying all these emotional things. By the way, since Day 1 he was sweet-talking me, telling me I’m perfect for him and he’s waited so long for something like what we were experiencing. Anyways, back to this night... he was saying all this stuff as we were making out and messing around (we both had a few drinks that night), and I couldn’t hold back my secret any longer. I told him I had HSV-2 and I told him the whole story of how I got it. I started to cry because of all the memories. Then, he hugged me and actually told me that he has HSV-1. We cuddled and slept the night through. Here’s where the story takes a twist. The next morning, he acted fine. We woke up, went to breakfast and then went our separate ways for the day. I was excited because I thought I found someone who knew what I was going through (since he has HSV-1). When we talked things through later that day, I explained everything I knew about HSV-2 so he could understand what the risks were and how transmission could be mitigated if we slept with each other. I can’t get his facial expressions out of my head. It seemed as though he was looking at me with disgust (he probably didn’t intend for that). But the night ended with him saying he needed to think it over, which I understood. But, the more I thought things over the more upset I got because who was he to judge me when in fact he has the same virus! He just acquired it differently, in a different location. I called him back the next day to explain how I was feeling (in more of a PC manner) and he couldn’t get it through his head that HSV-1 was ANYTHING like HSV-2. He even said that he’d “much rather have a sore on his lip vs a sore on his penis any day.” That hurt me! Also, another thing that bothered me was the fact that he wasn’t even planning to tell me he has HSV-1 and I can’t begin to tell you how often we made out when we were together!! In the end, he couldn’t deal with the fact that I have HSV-2, so we parted and went our separate ways. It’s been over a week now, and I would have thought he’d reach out since we were developing such a strong bond, but nothing. Not only do I feel rejected, but I feel rejected by someone with the same freaking virus!

Here is my story. I had contracted herpes (HSVII/genital) in 2012 from a partner who *claims* he didn't know. I was naturally devastated, but luckily had been on road trip with said partner, and honestly being away from home distracted me from the bizarreness of it all, at least temporarily. I could be distracted with all the adventures that we had planned for the trip. And surprisingly this partner was totally not freaked out by this new diagnosis, let alone current symptoms/outbreak. Over the years I had managed to disclose successfully to a handful of different partners. Most of them came around and we had full-fledged relationships, ending for other reasons, but mostly on good/decent terms. However, in September of 2018 I had met this one guy and failed to disclose to him. He was everything (I thought) I wanted and thus I was greatly ashamed & intimidated about disclosing. Then, what I will call "the perfect storm" happened and I failed to disclose before sex. I'll skip the details about that here. But I do have another post where I got into trouble with him being angry from having told him after the fact. Fast forward to about 6 months later. I had been working hard, and even enrolled in courses to propel my career, just hoping to redeem myself and help build greater self-confidence in order to prevent the weakness I had experience previously. Having started to feel stronger and better about myself, I put myself out on a dating website. I had so much interest and quickly met a great guy that I started to build a connection with. I thought I would have the courage to tell someone within the first few dates, but it started getting close to six dates, and I was growing increasingly anxious. After I had made the terrible mistake with the previous guy, I was sure I would have the confidence to tell just about anyone, but that seemed to have faded, and I struggled all over again with shame and (lack of) self-confidence. One night we had a miscommunication that upset me, and he was so apologetic and sincere, that it became clear to me that this man was dedicated, so I thought F-it! If he's so dedicated there's one quick way to be sure. Also, in the weeks leading up to this, I had run it through my head that I could approach with the mentality/attitude that *he* needs to be okay with this if we are going to progress. And by that I meant it's *his* responsibility to be cool with this (not mine). I finally got myself to a point where I don't feel like I need to take full responsibility for someone accepting something about me that I cannot change and that I didn't really get the decision to. I no longer need to take responsibility for whether someone else can make a reasonable rational decision based on facts, and that me already knowing, sharing/disclosing, and protecting myself (& my partner) is a lot LESS riskier than had he continued dating so many other people, many of which could have it and not know it or not be able/willing to disclose in advance properly. So that night I texted him to get his butt over to my place and that we needed to have a talk. He hurried over and was scared that he had done something wrong. I quickly reassured him that wasn't the case. We walked over to a cute little suspension bridge in my neighborhood, where we could have privacy from neighbors, and then I managed to cough up the news like hairball (awkwardly). He immediately stopped me and told me that even though he hasn't dated many people, it wasn't the first time he had a relationship with someone who had this. He barely let me finish and then hugged me and reassured me. Then we continued walking the neighborhood and he took that as an opportunity to bring a few other important topics to the table, nothing related to this site. I felt amazing, redeemed & relieved, and finally proud of myself. I hope this lil story helps at least one person. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Oh, and no judgements from me if you are struggling or fail to disclose. I'm here to do my best to educate & encourage so you don't continue making these mistakes.

I started dating a guy a few weeks ago. Earlier in the night, prior to having sex he confessed he had had a mouth sore and didn't know what it was so he consulted his dentist, who told him simply he has herpes. And then he added he doesn't have genital herpes. Later that night we started to have sex and I chickened out on my own status (HSV II - more details in other posts). It wasn't until a week later, when he was supposed to come visit me, that I finally was able to confess. But my question/issue isn't about the disclosing per se. It's after the fact. I told him he should go get tested immediately to confirm he doesn't already have it and then again later (whenever his doctor recommends, as it seems there are varying time frames to wait for the antibodies to build up). He resisted/denied my request for getting tested right away, claiming he had already been tested for EVERYTHING, including HSV. But now, a day later, I'm wondering why his story doesn't seem to jive. He claims he recently had a mysterious mouth sore, and that his dentist (visually) diagnosed it as herpes (more obivously type I). So how could he claim he was surprised by this recent symptoms/diagnosis, when he claims he had already been tested for it. He would've come up positive already for at least Type I, no? The mouth sore shouldn't have been a surprise to him, unless he was just making out with someone and somehow got it that way, I suppose. Either way, I'd like to insist he get tested right away, in addition to waiting later. That way we could be sure he doesn't already have it. MY MAIN QUESTION IS: Is that weird of me to ask/insist of him to take a test now? He seemed comfortable taking my word for it that my last test results came back negative for other STIs. But I'd be willing to take it again if he asked/insisted, in fact I plan to anyway. I'd just really like to clear that possibility out right away, so we won't have to wait unnecessarily another 45+ days for a diagnosis.

I finally told my boyfriend my little secret. I was terrified. Heart pumping, facts ready, on the verge of crying. We had just watched an episode of dexter so I thought to myself, well it could be worse, I could be a serial killer right? I sent him a text earlier in the night that we needed to talk about something so he would keep asking me about it. Although I pushed it off, I couldn't avoid it. I sat him down and told him about my surprise blood test and what it meant. I told him how much I cared about him and wanted to protect him. I told him he had to not only get tested but also decide if being with me is right for him. He kind of chuckled, which I was offended at first because I was in tears but his response was nothing what I expected. He said "do you think thats going to stop me from being with you?" He told me that I was the most amazing person he's ever met and I made him a better person. While I couldn't stop crying from happiness and relief, he even cracked a joke saying "it was just another bump in the road on the way to the rest of our lives" which I thought was both clever and funny. Really helped me stop being in my head and made me realize how small this issue truly was. He asked a bunch of questions and just held me until I was okay. And guess what? He even had sex with me that night. He did not care. He saw me for me not this disease which I felt nobody would ever see again. He makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and I am seriously on cloud 9 that a beautiful man, inside and out, can treat me with such respect and love even with this little skin condition. Trust me ladies, he is the most handsome man I've ever dated. And sweetest. He texted me this morning telling me that he doesn't know how I do it because he cares even more deeply about me now than before I disclosed. I feel so connected and close with him, something I probably wouldn't have ever experienced without herpes. Who would have guessed herpes gave me something truly positive besides my STD test. haha! I hope this helps anyone feeling down and unloveable because that is just not true. You are worthy of anything you desire; success, happiness, and yes even LOVE.

Hey guys, Recently been going out with someone, a long time interest but the only problem is I truly don't know if I'm herpes negative. Back in August I had an encounter that left me with irritated and burning lips and later on I developed what looks like candidal intertrigo between my inner thighs that is resistant to every fungal cream and oral medication made available to me by prescription and I'm still following up with appointments to see whats up with that , to this day I have not had a traditional outbreak/sores and the only thing that came close was at one point and only once after shaving I had in gown hairs on my scrotum with clear liquid-possibly folliculitis? I've tested negative for everything, negative for type 1 and 2 at 12 weeks by Igg by quest labs here in CA which I believe use the Elisa Blood test that have a 91% sensitivity and 92% specificity for HSV-1 and a greater accuracy for HSV-2, my doubt on truly being negative stems from the to this day constant mild lip burning and inner thigh/groin issues and that the person I last had an encounter with had a red blister on her lip to which she brushed off as a sunburn but in reality I truly believe it was a cold sore and behold 2 days later my symptoms crop up. At 6 months I requested a full std test for everything but for herpes my doctor insisted on a "igm" test despite me wanting the igg and everything came back negative. Truly going through some mental torture about this, only reason doctors haven't brushed me aside as a hypochondriac is because the skin between my inner thighs truly looks abnormal.Feel like I need to end things with this person at this point I couldn't forgive myself If i potentially hurt someone else.

Im in a new relationship, 2 months in. We were having unprotected sex. About 5 days ago I found open painful areas on my genitals including on my clitoris. I went to the dr was diagnosed and started on Valtrex. The pain is so bad. Whats worse is the Dr told me since I had flu like symptoms, enlarged lymph nodes and a fever this was my first infection and my partner infected me. I dont know how to address it with my partner. We are in love, even spoken about marriage and moving in together but he has a temper. My worry is he will deny giving it to me, be angry/aggressive and perhaps even disclose my status publicly. When should I tell him? Face to face or on the phone? I never had any symptoms before I really believe he infected me. I am angry, scared, in pain and hopeless. Any advice would be appreciated.

Im in a new relationship, 2 months in. We were having unprotected sex. About 5 days ago I found open painful areas on my genitals including on my clitoris. I went to the dr was diagnosed and started on Valtrex. The pain is so bad. Whats worse is the Dr told me since I had flu like symptoms, enlarged lymph nodes and a fever this was my first infection and my partner infected me. I dont know how to address it with my partner. We are in love, even spoken about marriage and moving in together but he has a temper. My worry is he will deny giving it to me, be angry/aggressive and perhaps even disclose my status publicly. When should I tell him? Face to face or on the phone? I never had any symptoms before I really believe he infected me. I am angry, scared, in pain and hopeless. Any advice would be appreciated.

So here goes my first post.... i am dating a girl and things are going well and I feel like I need to tell her before things go any further. I am terrified that she is going to run a mile once she knows. I have so much anxiety over this and don't know where to start the conversation. any advise on this topic?

Hey community, I'm wondering if you've ever experienced anything similar? I'm 3 years into my dx and just started dating a nice HSV- guy. For a month I've had this weird itch/pain that feels very different from an outbreak and there's a little bump, but I can't tell if it's an outbreak or not, and it's in a different spot than usual. I've been withholding sex for a month thinking it will go away but it hasn't. I wonder if it's (TMI) a cut from grooming or whatnot. It takes ages to get a gyno appt in NYC and I'm scared he's going to leave me from having to wait so long. Every day feels like a year. What would you do? Also does anyone know of support groups in NYC?