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Hi, I was just diagnosed today. After a week of trying to convince myself that the outbreak was just really bad razor burn aggravated by sex, I finally went to the doctor. My symptoms appeared two weeks after an encounter with someone I met on tinder. Sore throat, shall pimple like things around my genitals, swollen thyroids. I attributed The pimples to razor burn, and the rest to a case of strep throat. Took some antibiotics that I had left over from a dental thing a few weeks back. The pimples got worse, and turned into painful sores, that I covered with neosporin, thinking they were infected. But my mind instantly went to something sexual. I spent days looking a pictures of various STDs, convincing myself that what I had didn’t resemble any of them. But then they wouldn’t heal, the weren’t scabbing over. I knew I had to have them looked at. The day I went the doctor took a culture swab, which was accompanied with searing pain, and a lot of shame. She then told me, that there was no doubt in her mind it was herpes. Prescribed me some meds, and sent me on my way. I broke down in the car, sobbing. Terrified that my life would never be the same. This has already been the worst year of my life (lost my fiancé of six years, lost my son, got left with all our debt, and then child support.) The whole car ride home, all I could think about was driving off the road. (I would never hurt myself, but the thought are there). On top of having to wait for my test results, the thought that I had to tell someone with whom I’d had an intimate encounter with before my test, that she needed to be tested scared the hell out of me. I really like her, will she never want to see me again, will she sue me, will she tell everyone I know? Well, she did freak out and said she’d never talk to me again. Who knows, what else she’ll do. I’ve never felt this hopeless, this scared, or alone in my entire life.
I feel annoying and embarrassed to be posting again, but I really could use support. I posted the other day on here, and I unfortunately have not gotten any responses. I am dying inside so I am reaching out again in hope of connecting with folks who can share their HSV experiences with me. My gynecologist was pretty sure that I have HSV1 on my nether regions, and today I got the official diagnosis after the culture came back positive for HSV1. This is beyond awful, my worst nightmare. . I have always been so concerned about contracting an STD, and was always paranoid about it, and rarely let guys go down in me because I was just too afraid of catching h. I am educated and always was very informed about potential transmission of STDs. Yet here I am getting it from someone who had an active cold sore. I KNEW that I should not have had sex with my partner when he had a very active cold sore on his mouth. He did not perform oral sex on me, but I guess me kissing him (how dumb could I be?? I knew it as so risky and I was so grossed out but I did it anyway???! I am so mad at myself for being caught up in the heat of the moment!), and then me performing oral on him, and then having condom less vaginal intercourse with him is what got me. Or, he could have had some of the contagious fluid on his finger and touched me. Or, it was his saliva which he would often throw in to the mix for extra lube. I am so repulsed. I am mortified; I feel so ashamed and undesirable. I feel like I will be alone forever and will never have sex again. This is beyond awful. This is literally my worst nightmare. Any support is appreciated. I know every body is different, but I'd like to hear from folks (especially women) with HSV1 on their girl parts. How often do you have breakouts? Do you get them on your mouth too? I feel like I will never have sex again, for numerous reasons; fear of total rejection, fear of an outbreak or discomfort during and after sex, fear of transmitting to a partner etc. What are you experiences with all of that? The ValACYclovir has been helping. I still have the ulcers, of which I only had about three, but they are healing and I'm not in pain like I was. That was the worst pain I have ever experienced, seriously. Urinating was the most painful thing I have ever felt. I didn’t’ drink any fluids because I was afraid to pee, but then realized more water would be better because it is less acidic. I also have had a slight fever and the glands in my groin are still swollen. Sorry to sound whiny, but I am devastated, so very ashamed, so afraid and just feel disgusting and like my sexual/romantic life is over. Oh, and to make matters worse, I have no health insurance right now and am not working. FML. Sorry to be whiny, but this is so painful and traumatic and scary. Not sure if I mentioned this; I am a 42 year old woman. I can't believe I have gone this many years and remained clean from any STD after having a good deal of risky unprotected sex. This man is the only person for the most part that I have slept with in four years, and I get infected with an incurable STD, nonetheless.I am livid at myself because his cold sores always freaked me out, and I always vowed not have sex with him or kiss him when he had one. A few weeks ago was the one and only time I had sex with him while he had a bad cold sore, and he didn't even perform oral on me, and now I am infected. BTW, this man is not someone who I will marry. He has been married once and is too involved with his kids to consider being with me. We've discussed this numerous times. Guess I'll just die alone as a f’ing spinster. Please be gentle with me, folks, and remember how you felt when you were first diagnosed. I don’t mean to be whiny, but I am desperately in need of support so I am reaching out. Thank you.