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Hi all, This forum keeps me sane, thank you for all being so brave for posting stories, feelings and concerns! This is my first proper post, so here goes... I have HSV1 genitally from an ex who gave it to me orally over 3.5 years ago. I had no idea this could happen. Anyways at the time it wasnt the worst thing in the world, I was actually pretty ok with it! It prob helped that the first 2 years I got very minor OBs every 6 months following the primary outbreak. We didnt use condoms and it wasn't ever on our minds because we were happy! Until then he randomly started drinking, locking me out and I found out he cheated on me, it was the strangest thing and I'll never understand. We then went through a horrible break up so I dont think this helped me with anxiety and stress... I was always so positive and optimistic until this time so anxiety was new to me and definitely overwhelmed me. Over the few months following this break up, the stress took its toll and I had regular outbreaks so i went to my hospital and got put on Acyclovir meds and took Lysine with advice from this site. (Thank you!) During 4 months after this, (2.5 years after being diagnosed) I disclosed/dated with meds+condoms with two people, it didnt stop me dating as I had confidence, but they didn't work out... and THEN I met the most amazing guy and we have been together nearly a year! Living together and have our future plans set! (There is a love life with someone H- after herpes, believe me!! never been happier!) He doesnt judge what I have, he knows the risks when it comes to everything, and was there for me when I went to a therapist for 10 sessions to help me accept what happened to me and move forward with my life again! Which i have 🙂 ((Side note, I found that after 6 months on Acyclovir just a couple of months into my new relationship that my hair was beginning to break, that I was becoming nauseous, achey and had strange prickly feelings in my legs and genitals. We decided together that I should stop the meds and instead use condoms.)) Anyways getting on to the main part of my post! Since then, in this 1 year period, I have only had 2 real OBs in this past year. The odd tingle but not true OB that I can physically see or usual OB cycle. We also agreed we want to be together long term and want to feel each other better so decided as I knew when I am on an OB and that I know my early sign symptoms we wouldn't use condoms (since about 5months ago). We have many very open honest conversations as much as I dont like talking about it (as I get embarassed) we know the risks, we know this means more likely transmission of 4% female to male, no meds or condoms etc. But he is happy to take that risk so we agreed to go ahead with nothing but me taking Lysine. Since then...my question is... how can "I" stop myself worrying about it STILL after each time we have sex, when after everytime we have sex I feel that maybe maybe maybe I feel the odd tingle! The past few months of feeling super confident that yes no condoms no meds, i know myself, sex has also left me feeling super frustrated. When I do feel confident, and we have sex, that tingle down there always makes me worry after.. we go not having sex for 2 weeks because I say No we better not just incase if I do feel concerned, and as I say also confident I've only had 2 OBs in the last year. We try again and then I worry again. Ive started to lose trust in my body over the last month with every time we have sex. The reason why I am posting is because Im worrying again! I guess its maybe my anxiety coming back playing with my mind that im not on meds or using condoms 😞 ? I find myself looking through conversations on this site every now and again trying to find answers to what I know are probably impossible questions... Does anyone else feel like this after sex? Anyone else not using condoms and meds with a H- partner? Has anyone had issues with Acyclovir like mine? I feel like the only thing we can do is go back to meds to help us enjoy sex still without condoms and to give me that peace of mind. The past 3 years I have known how my body works when it comes to OBs and trust it, but its always at the back of my mind now the past month or so, plus my boyfriend has been absolutely fine after each encounter the past few months. So why am i doing this... I really hope its not just me that questions everything I do when making mutual decisions with an incredibly accepting H- partner. Your thoughts, stories, etc are welcome please. It can't be just me struggling with my H- partner being so great and me still feeling concerned about his health/triple checking how I feel everytime. Thank you x
Hello all ... This is my first post since being diagnosed and since joining this community. I’m 34 years old, was married for 11 years and going through a separation. After spending months in a depressed state I decided to get myself “out there” and date. The second person I slept with during this dating phase gave me herpes. I made the mistake of asking if he had protection and sleeping with him anyway when he said he didn’t. Worst part was I know now that he knew all along that he had this and just wasn’t honest with me. Just ONE careless mistake and my whole world was turned upside down. After my initial outbreak and diagnosis I was completely depressed and even thought my life was over. I had every thought and feeling that each person here experienced after finding out. All I wanted to do was sleep and disappear.... Finding this site and reading all the posts from others in this community gave me such a sense of hope and positive outlook on my future living with this virus. Knowledge really is power and I found solace in reading others experiences. I thank everyone here for sharing their knowledge, their experiences, and for sending positive vibes out there. It’s so true that you never know when sending a kind word to someone how much it can really help. Im finally out of the fog and feelings of total despair. It’s not easy and there is still so much to learn about my body again now that I have this, but I do realize that this virus is not what defines me unless I let it. I will NOT let it define me. I will NOT let it take over my life. And I will NOT let it take away my positive mindset. I will fight for my body and for my health. I will fight for my happiness. And most importantly I know that I can and will live a happy and fulfilled life. People get life threatening and life altering diagnosis’s EVERYDAY... this will not kill me or take away my ability to live a strong healthy life. Perspective and mindset are EVERYTHING. Knowledge is power. And finding this community provided me with another level of comfort. Thank you everyone for reading this, and big thank you to everyone who helps comfort and inform those of us that need it... 🙂