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  1. Hello, Friends! 😊 First, I want to say I came across this website during a panic attack, and immediately I felt a rush of calmness over me. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and hopeful advice-- it really means so much to me and so many others. God Bless You All! 😇 My story consists of a few odd variables. I have had anorexia since I was 14, and although I am physically recovered, it is a mental illness that stays with you basically forever. I still have my struggles and I have anxiety about food and exercise, but it is not as bad as it once was. After intense therapy, it seemed my eating disorder was directly related to my abandonment issues of my father. My feelings of being "dirty" and "unclean" also came from this, but more from a memory of having an inappropriate encounter with a male, whose identity I do not know. My anorexia coupled with my OCD, which resulted in counting obsessively, having to do rituals for everything from eating and chewing a certain number of times, to how i brushed and flossed, to how I said my prayers at night. It caused me to be late for school, gain unwanted attention from classmates, and interfere with my friendships and family relationships. As a started to date, I noticed I would cry at the sight of a penis because of the childhood experience, which obviously was both embarrassing (although I laugh at it now) and made me uncomfortable with sexual relationships. However, I dated many people for company, as my mental health issues made me feel sad and isolated, and I craved connection. Although a lot of people don't like to admit it, having "daddy issues" is 110% a real thing, and as I look back on my teenage self, I see that I was trying to fill so many voids through boyfriends. As I entered college, I found myself struggling with my eating disorder and OCD, and now family stress issues. After problems with my family home led to me moving back home at the end of freshman year, my mental health drastically lowered. At 19 I started dating this guy who was about five years older than me. He was basically the exact opposite of me in every single way; politically and morally, he drank and smoke while I did not, etc. He was a "bad boy". My family did not approve of him so we dated in secret, which made me feel guilty and wrong, but I did it anyway, because I felt that maybe through this relationship, I could achieve something. One day while we were having sex, he took out his phone and started taking photographs of me. I immediately covered myself and told him to stop, but instead of stopping he laughed at me and held my wrists so he could continue taking pictures. A week or so later while having sex, I told him to stop because I felt a horrible pain in my vagina. He begrudgingly stopped, and then a few moments later asked if he could finish. I declined because I was in so much pain, but instead of accepting my answer he asked again, and then just decided to put his penis back inside and finish. I was confused and a little shocked. The next day I woke up with about thirty red boils all over my outer and inner labia. After two painful days I saw a doctor who told me I had herpes, later tested to be HSV-1. The doctor told me I had sores inside my vaginal cavity, too. I explained to the doctor that my boyfriend had no symptoms, and that he said he didn't have herpes. The doctor explained that he was my sexual partner, so he had given it to me regardless of what he said. I told my boyfriend the diagnosis and he told me it was my fault from probably sleeping around with dirty people, and he became angry and said that I better not have given him anything because he had "come into this life clean and was going out clean, too." He refused to kiss me goodbye for fear of me giving it to him orally (which we all medically know doesn't make sense) and I went on my way. For about ten days I had excruciating pain when walking, sitting, going to the bathroom, and dressing. I felt embarrassed walking to and from college classes like a waddling duck, and it interfered with my job, too. Another "bonus,"... I got my period the day I got the sores, and I had a sinus infection... so needless to say, I was a hot mess. Eventually I broke up with the jerk and confronted him about his actions. Dating with herpes is difficult, and I have been rejected so many times for having HSV1 on my genital area. I always explain it to people right when I meet them/first date, and a few men have been very accepting. I appreciate when they ask questions, because it shows they actually want to understand it and are not immediately judging, and because they care about health and safe sex. When I got my next outbreak, only about three sores, I cried, not because of the sores but because of how I got the sores (from the cruel and disgusting ex-boyfriend). Already feeling dirty and unworthy because of my childhood-related trauma and addy issues, I felt even more dirty and disgusting, and my OCD kicked in on overdrive. Until about a week ago when I found this website, I was constantly paranoid I would give my genital HSV1 herpes (and COVID, of course) to my family members just by touching a shared object with my hands. I am afraid to prepare food, wash dishes, and touch anything that my family will use/touch. Although I know that HSV1 on the genital area can only be passed through skin-to-skin contact with my genital skin area, I still was convinced it was just all over my body and would hurt a loved one. There is so much mixed messaging about herpes, and I have found website saying herpes can pass through food, through towels, through a handshake, and other say the exact opposite! I love this website because it provided guidance from those with herpes; who can relate and share the realities of herpes (which really helps combat my OCD fear and anxiety). I am happy to say that I am learning to peacefully coexist and make harmony with my OCD, anorexia, past memories and hurts, and herpes. Yes rejection hurts, but I don't let it slow me down, because I deserve someone who is kind and understanding, not judgmental and only focused on my physical body (remember-- you are MORE than your body, too!!! SO MUCH MORE!!!). ❤️To all those out there who think you are ugly, worthless, dirty, or are ashamed... just be and live as you are, because you deserve to be happy, well, and in harmony with your mind, spirit, body, and soul. It will get better. You are beautiful and strong! God loves you and made you, and God doesn't make mistakes. You matter and the world needs you! ❤️❤️❤️
  2. I’m a 23 year old F and I just found out my 23 year old M partner has herpes. We just started dating 3 months ago, and I was having pain when we had sex so i decided to go to the doctor. I found out that he gave me chlamydia, which was upsetting considering I asked him before we had sex if he recently got tested and was clean, to which he told me he was. Turns out, he never got tested since starting to have sex because he said he never noticed anything wrong, and he’s only had sex with 4 people total. After finding out about the chlamydia I told him that he needs to go to the doctor and get medication to get rid of it like I did. He went, and upon going they did a blood test which resulted in them finding herpes antibodies in his blood. He was extremely upset because he said he’s never had an outbreak, and he had absolutely no idea he had herpes. I believed him because of his reaction and it was a very difficult few days for us, especially because we just started dating. We talk about our future a lot, I’ve never met anyone I’ve connected with the way I’ve connected with him so I’m trying to be positive and not let this ruin our brand new relationship. I’ve always been very careful and I’ve always made sure I’m clean by going and getting tested usually after every couple new partners, if not every. I’ve also gotten multiple blood tests to make sure I don’t have herpes because I’ve always been seriously worried about it. When he told me, it didn’t seem like a huge deal to me surprisingly because I know how I feel about him, and his doctor said he has the virus that causes cold sores not genital herpes but to be careful and keep an eye out to make sure they don’t develop down there. I’m trying to find a way to cope, and I came here looking for support for people who have dealt with this in the past. If anyone could help me with their experience and how they dealt with this situation, that would mean the world to me. Sorry for the lengthy post, if you’re still reading I really appreciate it and look forward to hearing feedback.
  3. So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and it’s been a year since i found out he gave me Herpes. I have HSV-1 On my genitalia. It’s been a year and I still get depressed about it and very sad because he was my second partner ever & this happened. I’m not so happy in my relationship but I feel like this is the best it’ll get. Ever since I found out I have herpes i feel like no one will ever want me so I should just settle. I also have realized I have resentment towards him because of this. I’m the only one who has dealt with multiple outbreaks including on my birthday which freaking sucked and mostly because of the fact that he was the second person I’ve ever had sex with. I felt my life was a bad episode on a show. PS sorry if I repeated myself a lot, this is the first time EVER that I’m able to speak abou this because no one else besides my boyfriend knows. It’s just hard and I’m so glad I found this page.
  4. my ex and I recently started messing around but were still seeing other people since we felt as though we wanted to gradually get back into it. so I shaved one day and then we knocked some boots lol it burned when I peed that day but it turned out to be just the "friction burn" if you know what I mean. 2 or 3 days later it started to hurt again. & I was on, lets say, a camping trip. so I was not at the liberty, nor had the privacy to look down at my vagina in all its glory. & I honestly didn't even think to check because of the environment I was in. I kept praying and praying that the burning would go away, but it wouldn't. some times peeing wouldn't hurt at all, and then one fateful night it burned like hot acid was being poured on my lady parts. It was all I could do to not let out a blood curdling scream. tears flowing down my face. that morning I decided to head to the ER after finding two red bumps on the top of my labia in the shower. this "doctor" at the ER had the bedside manner of an iguana. he was constantly insinuating it was my fault and couldn't manage a kind word to save his life. so after spending all day in the ER, this terrible ass doctor sent me home with some Valtrex "just in case" it was HSV2, saying it was not characteristically developed enough for him to give a diagnosis. My ex came and saw me and gave me some encouraging words. Since I did not receive a diagnosis, I decided to NOT take the Valtrex since I typically dont like taking medicine for nothing. I had to go back out to this camping trip and try to save face. but friends would ask, why are you walking like that and would wonder why im not helping out as much (& they were probably more upset than anything). I tried to do what I could, but I could not keep up the farce emotionally. & begged to go home, and was. I then decided to go to this clinic for a second opinion/more help. I had to wait a day because she didnt have an appointment slot the day after I left the camping trip. So Monday ER, Friday was my clinic appt. Thursday night though, the pain got worse and worse and worse. The only reason I didnt go to the ER again so I didnt have to run into this same jerk face doctor. In the mean time, I tried Epson salt bath, oatmeal bath, it gave me no relief. My appt Friday was SO much better. She was educating me on everything I wanted/needed to know and told me she thinks I MAY have a really bad bacterial infection down there. So I started to have hope. Although, when she took the swabs down there, I swear it felt she was trying to swipe my skin off with a lava knife. (dont ask) unfortunately I had to wait a very long time to get the results of that swab test, so I was researching everything that it could be instead of HSV2. She sent me home with Keflex (one 4x a day, for 10 days. forget the dosage rn), 800 mg Ibuprofen (one 3x a day), I started to take the Valtrex, and Lidocaine 5% and Bactroban (topical, 3x a day). In about 3 days, the lesions that covered almost my entire vagina started to close. I had my ex there the entire weekend holding my hand whenever I needed to pee (I was of course traumatized by peeing), he applied the Lidocaine and Bactroban for me (with gloves on of course) and was such an emotional rock for me when I was at my complete lowest. he is currently waiting on his results as well since he waited a while to get tested. I received some oral action from other people and he's had sex with someone else, but as for right now, we're not playing the blame game. He constantly is saying we're going through it TOGETHER. so for now, we are ok and still working towards a relationship. I finally got my concrete results Sep 7th and I was honestly devastated. The doctor stated she thinks it was a bacterial infection on top of the HSV1/2 There was no distinction on whether it was HSV1 or 2, so I still have some unanswered questions. He and I had sex recently and I think I am currently breaking out. I wasn't aware of the 7 day period to wait after everything is clear so I think im about to go through another scare. & we did use protection if you wanted to know. Anyways, I wanted to write this to get it off my chest to people who would listen and understand. so if you're still reading, thank you. you are a gem. Maybe someone can read this and somehow gain strength from it. now, im just trying to move on.
  5. Im in a new relationship, 2 months in. We were having unprotected sex. About 5 days ago I found open painful areas on my genitals including on my clitoris. I went to the dr was diagnosed and started on Valtrex. The pain is so bad. Whats worse is the Dr told me since I had flu like symptoms, enlarged lymph nodes and a fever this was my first infection and my partner infected me. I dont know how to address it with my partner. We are in love, even spoken about marriage and moving in together but he has a temper. My worry is he will deny giving it to me, be angry/aggressive and perhaps even disclose my status publicly. When should I tell him? Face to face or on the phone? I never had any symptoms before I really believe he infected me. I am angry, scared, in pain and hopeless. Any advice would be appreciated.
  6. Im in a new relationship, 2 months in. We were having unprotected sex. About 5 days ago I found open painful areas on my genitals including on my clitoris. I went to the dr was diagnosed and started on Valtrex. The pain is so bad. Whats worse is the Dr told me since I had flu like symptoms, enlarged lymph nodes and a fever this was my first infection and my partner infected me. I dont know how to address it with my partner. We are in love, even spoken about marriage and moving in together but he has a temper. My worry is he will deny giving it to me, be angry/aggressive and perhaps even disclose my status publicly. When should I tell him? Face to face or on the phone? I never had any symptoms before I really believe he infected me. I am angry, scared, in pain and hopeless. Any advice would be appreciated.
  7. Hey community, I'm wondering if you've ever experienced anything similar? I'm 3 years into my dx and just started dating a nice HSV- guy. For a month I've had this weird itch/pain that feels very different from an outbreak and there's a little bump, but I can't tell if it's an outbreak or not, and it's in a different spot than usual. I've been withholding sex for a month thinking it will go away but it hasn't. I wonder if it's (TMI) a cut from grooming or whatnot. It takes ages to get a gyno appt in NYC and I'm scared he's going to leave me from having to wait so long. Every day feels like a year. What would you do? Also does anyone know of support groups in NYC?
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